Mediation advice please

SingleMumOf2_3

I have my initial mediation meeting in a week. Currently my kids go to their dads for 3 days and 3 nights a week. Originally I was going to keep it at this until my eldest turned 3 and started nursery part time.. and was then going to change access to 2 days and nights one week and 3 the next. Meaning every other Saturday I get to take the boys out, and the same for him the opposite weeks.

He is now applying for jobs that can only be worked Friday and Saturday nights. So is now asking if he can have access during the week instead. I am unsure what to say at mediation about what is best for the kids.

During the week I see other mums and we go out and do things with the kids. At the weekend they are at their dads so I have only just gained enough confidence to start seeing friends and going out.

I have no problem trying to be flexible to suit their dad, but at the same time am trying to keep consistancy and routine so that they know where they are up to.

I have no idea what is seem as fair access for their father so that it benefits both children. But I do not want to go to my mediation appointment having no clue what access should be given or their dad will end up getting all his own way.

Thanks in advance.

Perfect10_2

Both my kids are at school and I didn't want them to not have a routine in the week, or not have the right stuff for each school day at which ever house they were at the night before. Also their Father's job means early starts so sleeping over is not practical.

He has them for a couple of hours after school every Tuesday and Thursday then we take it in turns to have them from friday evening to Sunday evening alternate weekends. This means we all know where we are, kids know if he had them last weekend it's mine coming up, and myself and Ex can arrange our social lives for the weekends that we don't have them.

Works for us but ultimately you need a plan that works for BOTH of you, not just one parent or the other. Think what is best for you, be prepared to be a little flexible then let the mediator help you to agree.

Good Luck

sueeve

You are doing just the right thing in using a mediator, andam sure that something helpful will be sorted out. It wn't be perfect fr either of you.

pigpen

In mediation they don't suggest anything.. they leave you to come up with the ideas and they are there to keep the discussion on track and hopefully stop it develoving into a slanging match.

You table the ideas and you and XH thrash it out until you come to a verbal agreement.. this however has no legal base and cannot be enforced.. so like in my case KH said he would have them fri-sun every other weekend then Thurs and Tues consecutive weeks in between.. I am yet to have this happen 1 week.. not bad after agreeing this 18 months ago!

He will refuse to have them for 'his' weekends and won't change when it is convenient for us both.. eg the next 2 weekends.. my w/e next, OH and I have been invited to a birthday party and the weekend after he is doing the Edinburgh marathon on the Sunday.. however even though I was happy to swap weekends for both our convenience, he won't swap my w/e so I can go to the party (OH's family) but he still expects that I will have them the weekend he is in Edinburgh.. except... I can't. OH has planned for us that w/e.. which means I now have to 'choose' between OH and seeing his family with the baby and causing a huge argument with KH or I be a doormat and keep the children and OH will be upset as will his mother that we can't take the baby there.. lose-lose situation for me.... again!