Debt & Divorce woes !

donniet

Some general advice - or maybe just a bit of common sense needed ....... please !

My 'husband' walked out over 5 years ago leaving me with over £40,000 of debts to pay off alone. I have no idea where he went or where he is now. According to the Police he isn't classed as 'missing' (as he did make contact with them after I reported him 'missing') but he didn't have to tell me where he was either. This leaves me with 2 problems.

1) Although I am able to divorce him without his consent (seperated for over 5 yrs) I do need to put contact details on all of the paperwork. If I have no idea where he is how can I do this ? Am I able to proceed without it ?
If not I am well & truly stuck - as I'm still paying off a mountain of debt I do not have any money to try & track him down. Or even how to go about it.

2) Regarding the outstanding debts - I am paying back all of those in my name & also in our joint names through a DMP with Payplan. Any debts that were in his name only I refused to pay - as I didn't think I was responsible. However I still receive many letters from creditors who are trying to track him down. Despite having moved several times & despite the fact that he has never lived at my current address - the letters still come. Am I right in thinking that I am not responsible for these - or is this another issue that is going to come & haunt me just as I think I am getting back on my feet. Especially considering the first issue here - the divorce (or lack of).

I am slowly paying back this huge debt - alone - although I've still a way to go. I would dearly love a divorce just to get some peace of mind. I have a dreadful fear that this nightmare will never end - and his ghost (and debts) will haunt me forever !!
Any advice or words of wisdom would be gratefully recieved.
Thank You
D x

MargB

Couldn't just read and run. I really feel for you and you deserve a huge hug. What a total rotter that man was, to leave you with so much debt and not face up to it :mad:

Now down to some practicalities. You have come to the right place for support, understanding, hugs and help. There's plenty on this board that can offer advice etc. If I am right about all the debts, you are only liable for those in your own name solely AND (unfortunately) any that are in joint names.

You are in no way liable for any debts that he ran up solely in his own name...thats his problem alone. So don't worry about those. The creditors are probably contacting you as you are still associated with him via the joint debts, but they cannot make you pay anything towards his sole debts. As you've moved house since he left, just mark the envelopes as 'never lived at this address. Whereabouts unknown. Return to sender' and stick 'em back in the post.

As to the divorce stuff, a solictor would probably be best able to advise you on this. Can you get a 'free' half hour consultation with one to see what the situation is. You can't be the first person trying to get a divorce from someone thats done a runner... and I think its grossly unfair that you are married to him for a moment longer than necessary.

Hang on in there. It will get better.

Trajal

Can't comment on the debt side of things but I can comment on the divorce side.

The 5 year separation divorce papers include a number of sections which let you demonstrate to the court that you have attempted to make contact with your estranged husband in order to serve him with the papers. These need to be genuine attempts, from memory they are something like 'parents addresses, family addresses, former work addresses'.

You should take some formal legal advice from someone who can look at your individual case, however having worked in this field myself (as a legal executive) I should caution that it can be a difficult process.

Some judges will just rubber stamp it if you've made a reasonable effort. Other judges will ask for more attempts at serving the papers to be made.

There's a little luck involved, and that's where getting a local lawyer on your side will be useful as they will know which circuit is likely to be more understanding etc and help you in a variety of other ways also.

Please note that although legally qualified and holding a practicing certificate, my information is very much to be considered 'as is' rather than representing formal legal counsel and whilst I have given an opinion, it is simply that, an opinion, without sufficient recourse to all the facts to give full advice. I strongly recommend seeking formal legal representation in this matter.

donniet

MargB - Thanks so much for your kind words - and cyber hugs - it is nice to know that (unfortunately) there are many others out there with similar worries & useful advice

You are right - I don't deserve to be married to him for a moment longer & decided that this year would be the time to do something about it. I was just dreading the thought that someone would tell me it would cost huge sums of money - which of course I don't have. There is a solicitor in my town that has a free walk in clinic every Weds afternoon - luckily next week I happen to be off on Weds so will take myself down there. Fingers crossed.

As for his debts - thank you for that. I was always pretty sure that I was only responsible for those in mine or joint names (and he made sure there were a few of those !!). Its just with the letters that keep coming - and the worry that because I wasn't divorced I was somehow still responsible - well the doubts start to creep in. Especially with my recent run of luck

Lets hope that next week brings some positive news ...... and maybe a divorce party in the near future !
Thank You D x

RAS

Have you checked www.pipl.com to see if he shows up there?

donniet

Trajal - this is whats worried me from the start. I understand that the courts may want 'reasonable effort' to track him down - unfortunately for me not only was he a compulsive liar but I never knew anything about his family or even met them. It would appear that everything he told me was a fairystory. So would I have to pay to try & track him down another way - how exactly ?
Catch 22 - no money due to debts he left behind = no money to track down conman husband = no divorce :-(
Back to square one....

Trajal

donniet wrote: »

Trajal - this is whats worried me from the start. I understand that the courts may want 'reasonable effort' to track him down - unfortunately for me not only was he a compulsive liar but I never knew anything about his family or even met them. It would appear that everything he told me was a fairystory. So would I have to pay to try & track him down another way - how exactly ?
Catch 22 - no money due to debts he left behind = no money to track down conman husband = no divorce :-(
Back to square one....

Well you don't need much money to try to send letters etc to the various addresses mentioned above.

I have to say that it seems a little odd to myself (or indeed a chap on a clapham omnibus) that you would marry someone without having ever met or had contact with any member of his family.

Basically the solicitor will be able to assess everything you say and have a longer conversation with you about what you can do. Reasonable efforts can vary greatly, especially being dependant on limited information.

Don't panic, everything is possible, and I know of a lady in the UK whose estranged husband was definitely in Dubai but he refused to acknowledge anything, she managed to get a divorce based on 5 years simply by repeatedly sending letters to her own old dubai address where they had lived together and reporting 'return to sender' results.

Key point here is that you should not try and self-diagnose or second guess. Get professional assistance.

donniet

If only I was as wise then as I am now (!!??)....... but a complusive liar has had years of practice & is completely believable with their tales of why they are estranged from their family & very adept at keeping you away from friends & colleagues etc. Unfortunately it's not until everything starts to unravel - or he takes off into the sunset - that you realise just what a mess he has left behind.

I will go for some legal advice - and take comfort in the fact that surely the British justice system can't force me to stay married to this creep forever ......... can they ?? lol. Just for closure you understand - once bitten twice shy & all that :-)

Trajal

donniet wrote: »

I will go for some legal advice - and take comfort in the fact that surely the British justice system can't force me to stay married to this creep forever ......... can they ??

Buahaha ! No, they won't do that, but be prepared it will almost certainly take a while to get fixed. However at the end you shall be



FREE.

donniet

Time I have (after all its taken 5+yrs to get to this stage !) ......... FREE sounds fab - can't wait !

If anyone has any handy hints on how to track someone down to hopefully speed up the process let me know ....... he was always very reluctant to put his name on the electoral role etc .... now I know why !!! Maybe this isn't his first time at all this

donniet

Update - went along to a walk in clinic at a local solicitors today. Not great news. They would have to go down the route of divorce due to desertion rather than seperation. Not a popular route apparently - as it could drag on for a while & could cost a fair amount of money - but they would have to make all efforts to find errant husband before it would be considered. If their Private Investigator gets lucky it could be quick & cheap - if they have to dig a lot deeper it could cost me thousands. Not great considering the forum I am currently writing on ............ !!!
Life sucks sometimes - so back to square one - still in debt & still not able to get divorced :-(

Any handy hints in how to track someone down would be greatly appreciated. Not a good day.