Back filling the big hole I dug with my credit card

chevalier

nice to see you posting back on here. Glad to hear the DIY is coming along. I hope that PBS managed to sort out the manager from her last posts too.
chev

silkglade

Hi PBS and ATS

Wow what an amazing diary, I started reading this late last night and then carried on this morning and only just finished!!!!

I am so impressed with your loyalty and support of each other.... You are so lucky to have each other.

I too suffered with PND twice..... and I now suffer with Anxiety and Depression as a residue for every day life.... Some times I can be fine for weeks and other times I spend most of the time in tears. The things that PBS says and experiences I can so totally relate to. Sending you hugs.

Good luck with the rest of your journey and you have another fan watching you and your accomplishments too as I am about to subscribe.

AllThatStuffIsJustStuff

SG - thanks very much for your nice comments. Yes me and PBS are lucky to have each other, but you mostly only read the good bits on here We largely have a truce not to come on here and moan about how annoying the other one is. Rest assured there is plenty of that elsewhere though Sorry to hear of your anxiety and depression. It is horrific to live with directly or in a partner and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

A lot has happened since my post. I said that I was determined we would finish the floor last week if it killed us. Well, we did and it didn't, but it gave it a good go. We were both so over worked and over tired with it that we immediately both fell ill and only today are we both anything close to normal operational speeds again. We've organised ourselves a well earned little day trip tomorrow so we are both looking forward to that.

That said, the floor is beautiful and I am very very proud of it. Thank you to everyone who was supportive while we were laying it. I wish I could post some pictures here but I'm too paranoid. I know it sounds ridiculous but our anonymity on here is very precious to us. We live in a very gossipy place and it would only take one person reading this to work out who we are and the whole town would know all our problems. One little clue in the background of a picture could give us away.

In the last week the manager issue has ended - for us at least. Basically PBS was ill when they held the AGM last week so after begging PBS to be the acting chair previously the manager arranged for someone else to be elected chair and has pushed PBS out. PBS has taken a mature response to this and has just accepted it is not her problem anymore. No doubt the new person will give the manager what she wants immediately but that is up to them. In the past PBS would have remained angry and fixated for weeks on end. I am very proud that she has been able to move on.

Overall I am gutted by the whole incident. PBS has had so many sources of stress over the last couple of years that I am always fearful of new responsibilities getting her anxiety up. I never thought that helping this group could be such a source of stress but unfortunately I am noticing a pattern round here. People want you to help if you are just going to be a puppet. Try to take a job seriously and do it properly you get stabbed in the back.

Also in the last week my parents visited for the first time in a year and a half. I won't go in to details but although they were only here for about 24 hours it was horribly awkward and rubbish. It's a shame we don't have a better relationship but they are who they are and we are who we are and resolving those is clearly beyond hope.

Despite my original intentions when I started to contribute to this diary, this long post has barely mentioned our finances Tomorrow is payday. November was supposed to be the month we finished paying PBS' credit card off but I think it will now be the month we get back on track.

Best get DD out of the bath now as his water is getting cold. I've been typing this sat on the toilet (not like that - lid down, trousers up) as the bath is one of the few places he will sit and chill. Hope to post again soon as hopefully things will start to calm down now.

PiggyBankShaker

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the lack of posts. It has been a really busy four weeks, ATS has had stomach problems for most of it and so we have just been so stretched just looking after the kids and ourselves.

There's been no extra moneymaking and actually we put a little bit each on our cards too. ATS put £218 for a new vacuum (the dust created from sanding the floor killed our old one completely)

And I put £180 on mine for a course that I have started.

ATS has a promise of a £100+ bit of freelance work soon, which'll be nice if it happens before Christmas, but I doubt it. And he is also submitting a job application for a 3 day a week job tomorrow. It's a short term contract until June next year (I think) but the pay is decent and he fits the person / skill spec well, so I hope he gets it.

My manager has mentioned the possibility of my hours increasing in work. I currently do two days a week and she asked me if I would be interested in more / going full time, if it was possibel.

I said yes in principle, although it would take some jiggling of arrangements, especially if ATS did get the 3 day a week job. At the moment we don't need any childcare for DS (who is eight and a half months old) but we almost certainly would if we were both working the same days.

We'd have to see if would be economically viable etc etc

But I might be putting the cart before the horse as ATS might not get the job and I might not get more days. We'll have to see.

Right DS is crying.

I'll try and post again soon.

Aesop

((((((((((((((((((((PBS)))))))))))))))))))) and ((((((((((((((((((((ATS)))))))))))))))))) thinking of you guys and wishing the good luck fairy visits your house tonight.

PiggyBankShaker

Back again. Got paid on Thursday and did my online banking. Gave ATS 50% of the vacuum money, set aside the £200 for the replacement windows and paid £300 off my credit card (but this has only reduced balance by £120 due to the money I spent on the course) Have about £300 left until the end of the month.

ATS's sister coming today to spend two nights, and we really need to sort the house out a bit before she arrives. ATS is beavering away but I'm a it anxious and stressed and consequently being worse than useless.

It's partly that I'm overwhelmed by what we need to do in the house but also that we have a function to attend this afternoon and it will be horrible and upset me but there's no avoiding it. My anxiety is worse when I feel pressurised and I feel really pressurised today.

Sorry for moaning, especially after not posting for so long. On the whole things are ticking along ok. We've enjoyed some lovely fires and I just begin to say how relaxing and soothing they are. It's like a therapy almost!

DS has stared sleeping through and it is making a huge difference to us. This development and the prospect of some more money coming in, really makes me feels as if we are on the verge of turning a corner once and for all.

There is no way we'll be able to pay off my credit card this year as planned, but knowing that we will definitely clear all our debts in 2012 is an amazing feeling.

PiggyBankShaker

silkglade wrote: »

I too suffered with PND twice..... and I now suffer with Anxiety and Depression as a residue for every day life.... Some times I can be fine for weeks and other times I spend most of the time in tears. The things that PBS says and experiences I can so totally relate to. Sending you hugs.

Dear silkglade,

Hello and welcome to our diary. Soy I didn't acknowledge you properly before.

PND was a big contributing factor to my debts I think, not that I spent more, I spent the same (which looking back was way too much anyway) but it stopped me from working and earning money. I carried on spending as normal, on the Credit Card, but lacked the means to pay it off. It kept growing and growing!

It is hard when the stress, anxiety and depression becomes part of your life. I can remember what I was like before, the person I used to be and I wonder if I will ever be that person again. Or will I always have moments of hand-wringing doubt and a racing heart before being able to do things? I'm sure it will get better over time, it already has i many ways, but I don't know if it will ever fully go away and that makes me so sad. Makes me feel almost incomplete, or lesser.

I hope your journey is going smoothly and that you are feeling well and looking after yourself. Sometimes, that is all you can do.

xx

PiggyBankShaker

Pay Day on Monday - woo hoo! Have to manage things carefully though so we have enough money to see us through Christmas. Had to pay £154 out to get the car door fixed, which we had not budgeted for, so really need to go go back over our financial projections with a fine tooth comb for the new year.

On that point, my work have offered me more hours, so come January I'll be working 5 days instead of 2. This will mean an extra £883 a month, which will be fantastic. We'll also save £160 a month as our childcare becomes free as DD will be 3.

This is all good news and will ease pressure considerably. But we still have the prospect of us loosing our other two contacts in May. So all this might be a temporary reprieve. The four months of full incomes though will be enough time to clear all the debt and start saving too. And we might get one or both of our contracts renewed. We'll have to wait and see.

ATS didn't get the 3 day a week job he applied for which is a shame. But it might work out okay as he can look after DS when I'm working more. Either way they dibbed out because he is amazing and would have been fantastic in that role. Never mind.

PiggyBankShaker

My work have confirmed that they want me to do 5 days a week (instead of 2) starting on 2nd January. They have also given me a 2.5% pay rise, which is very welcome. Not only that but they will pay 50% of a professional course that I wish to do and give me one day a week study leave as well. Needless to say I am over the moon and very grateful.

We have found, bid on and won the tiles we wanted for our hallway on ebay. A snip at £205, they have been going for about twice that until recently but I think people's cash flow is tied up because of Christmas, so relatively speaking we have a had a bargain.

The tiles need collecting from up near the Lake District so we have decided to be mega decadent and indulgent and HAVE A HOLIDAY! It is nearly 3 years since we have been away anywhere and we have a very busy few months ahead so we booked a cottage for 4 nights for the 5 of us (Me, ATS, DD, DS and the dog) in the Lake District for £194. We'll collect the tiles en route and have a few days relaxing and sightseeing. I can't wait!

In other news.... We also got sent £60 worth of Tesco money off vouchers, in multiple of £10 to use when you spend £30 or more. Now we don't shop in Tesco as a rule but we've decided to have a party at Christmas for friends and so we bought £77 worth of booze for £43. Which we were delighted with.

I am really looking forward to 2012, things have come so very far this year. We had a baby. We've paid off £7,500 of debt and I should clear the remainder of mine in Jan or Feb at the absolutely latest. We made an extra £3,000 selling old junk on eBay and used it to buy and install our wood burning stove and parquet floor and fix the roof and make a start on our back yard. I got a new job that is fab and that I'm good and that I enjoy. We also streamlined our lives a lot and worked as a team and have been stronger than we have any other time than since we met.

Next year we will be debt free; save £6,000; finish our lounge, hallway and backyard and start (and hopefully) finish our kitchen. We'll renew our two contracts in May and ATS will get a better deal out of it. I will get a professional qualification and also a promotion and we will start overpaying on the mortgage.

pennywisepoundstupid

Glad everything has worked out well with your job and fantastic bargain both with the booze and tiles.

I live north lancashire, but family is from the the lakes, have a fantastic break you really deserve it, remember to pack your thermals as its freezing up here at the minute and i spoke to my gran last night who lives near windermere and there is snow on the tops and more snow forecast for this week, but it really is the most beautiful place when the snow is on the hills, have a fantastic time.