'Don't be afraid to ask for wedding cash instead of gifts' blog discussion

Errata

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Part of the pleasure of a wedding is the selecting of the right present, giving money just doesn't have the same personal connection. if you can't afford to spend much it can be very awkward but a present can be any price.

Much of the pleasure of receiving a wedding gift is the memories it holds of the giver in the years to come. I received a pair of sheets, and many years later they're now demoted to dust sheets when I decorate. The giver died some years ago, and every time I use the sheets I'm reminded of them and all the good times we shared.
A tenner can't do this.

Lirin

We married last May. Didn't mention anything about gifts, and for anyone who asked, we told them we really didn't need anything, and simply wanted them there on the day. If they pushed, we just told them to choose something small they thought we would like.
We actually didn't even think of gifts when the wedding was coming up- and the sheer generosity and thoughtfulness in gifts we were given was amazing.

melancholly

Errata wrote: »

Much of the pleasure of receiving a wedding gift is the memories it holds of the giver in the years to come. I received a pair of sheets, and many years later they're now demoted to dust sheets when I decorate. The giver died some years ago, and every time I use the sheets I'm reminded of them and all the good times we shared.
A tenner can't do this.

i was given money as a gift for graduation from my grandparents. i bought a necklace and saved the rest. every time i wear the necklace, years afterwards, i think of them, more so now that they have both died. i was touched by their generosity and made sure they knew how grateful i was (thank you letters are obligatory in my opinion, plus showing them!).

sentiment is what you make of it and not only possible with gifts as opposed to cash/vouchers. at any rate, no gift would have been necessary and i would still think of them fondly as it isn't about material possessions, it's about the memories of happy times.(expecting any gift in any situation is, imo, rude! giving a gift that's all about me and not about the recipient seems equally rude to me).

bylromarha

MrsE wrote: »

And there lies the problem.

I've read so many times on here that someone got something that should cost X, but they got it for a quarter of the price & its a great gift for so & so. They are delighted because it "looks like" they have spent more than they have.

I find that attitude really odd.

If I had £10 for a gift for my daughter (for instance), I would much rather buy her one item of make-up in a brand she uses than buy a cheap cosmetic set she won't.
The same for me, I would much rather someone spent £10 on something I would actually use, than £10 on something that has a RRP of £40 but they got for £10, but I won't use.

Yours is a different scenario though.

Argos sell Kenwood item 1465 for £20 and it's on the couple's list.

Tesco sell Kenwood item 1465 for £10, so buyer purchases the identical item from Tesco and ask couple to remove the item from the Argos list as they've bought it.

Buyer can now spend £10 saved on another item for couple or choose to keep the saving.

Lirin

Another thing we've done, even if only out of politeness- when we've had guests from the wedding around the house since, we've had flowers in the vase they gave us, dips and snacks in the bowl they gave us, etc.... And it will be the same with baby. If someone gives us clothes, baby will be wearing them next time they/we visit.

aliasojo

"Far too many think of wedding gifts as an added extra, yet financially it needs to play a core part in your plans."

I disagree so strongly I can't even describe the depth. I'm surprised at your whole article tbh.

Perhaps a step too far into trying to make your money work for you.

Some things should not even be eligible as being within a person's consideration and gifts from others is one of them. All imo, of course.

[Deleted User]

This thread has given me an epic idea for a website & mobile app. Wish i had the time to write it!

Anyway, i wonder if there's anything that documents the history of wedding gifts.. i do remember stuff about giving wooden spoons to couples in wales

Errata

ringo_24601 wrote: »

This thread has given me an epic idea for a website & mobile app. Wish i had the time to write it!

Anyway, i wonder if there's anything that documents the history of wedding gifts.. i do remember stuff about giving wooden spoons to couples in wales

There will be some interesting stuff in the Mass Observation archive. That's your starter for ten

MaamBritt

I think some of the replies on here are very hypocritical and unfair. We are organizing our wedding on a shoe string budget because we have both been unemployed in the last 3 years, and one of us is still in very low paid employment. We are getting no help from my parents who live in Africa and have enough paying for their fares to come over! Yet we have had nothing but hassle from people wanting to invite themselves to the wedding and reception. Others insisting that we let them have a wedding list. But we don’t need things we need cash to pay for the wedding and honeymoon! The flat we will be living in is small and we have each had our flats and have enough things to set up a home – we don’t want any more stuff. On our invitations we gave a bank account and said that if people wanted to give a money gift would be more useful to us. We have been overwhelmed with people’s generosity.

shellsuit

MaamBritt wrote: »

I think some of the replies on here are very hypocritical and unfair. We are organizing a wedding on a shoe string budget because we have both been unemployed in the last 3 years, and one of us is still in very low paid employment. We are getting no help from my parents who live in Africa and have enough paying for their fares to come over! Yet we have had nothing but hassle from people wanting to invite themselves to the wedding and reception. Others insisting that we let them have a wedding list. But we don’t need things we need cash to pay for the wedding and honeymoon! The flat we will be living in is small and we have each had our flats and have enough things to set up a home – we don’t want any more stuff. On our invitations we gave a bank account and said that if people wanted to give a money gift would be more useful to us. We have been overwhelmed with people’s generosity.

You can get married in the UK for around £100, so if it was your choice to have a big wedding, it should be you and your OH that funds it, not your guests.