How to you decide what type/style of wedding you want?

ScarlettsMum

Hi there,

I'm so confused. We've finally set a time (ish) for the wedding as this time next year. We've been engaged for 7 years but have never got round to it.

However, I'm not a 'centre of attention' person and in fact the whole idea of everyone staring at me for the whole day gives me the gitters. My other half is very similiar to me in this way.

I don't really know what I want. I know I want to BE married but the actual day is not something I've dreamed about or anything.

We also have a 'complicated' family (both sides) all of whom would have to travel great distances if we were to do the whole traditional wedding thing and we would feel guilty about asking them to do that. The closest anyone lives is a 3 hour car journey but some are up to 6 hours.

How do I decide what to do? Friends are trying to 'take over' and insist I have a wedding where at least 50 people are invited but I'm just not sure as it sounds like my idea of hell. We thought about going on holiday and doing it while we were there but to be honest the idea of a beach wedding doesn't really appeal either. Is there are way of having a wedding in this country with just a few guests/or none at all even?

ScarlettsMum

noodledoodle78

We had a similar situation where we have been together for 9 years and have a five year old son, with family across the UK.

We decided to get married abroad (Cuba) and have a really good holiday at the same time, on our own. I hate the idea of being the centre of attention, and we haven't had a break since our son was born.

Good luck in your decision, but remember it is just that - your decision!

jacksma

One of my friends from uni did just that. They went to the local registry office with just her mum and sister and his mum and then they went out for a nice meal at a really nice restaurant after. It was perfect for them, and didn't cost them the earth either. I think you can have as many or as few as you like. If you want to jet off somewhere, it doesn't have to be a beach wedding - you could marry in New York, Vegas, Venice, etc...

Faerie

I know how you feel! We keep dragging our feet, although we want to get married neither of us want the wedding.

We don't want a traditional wedding so we're trying to find either somewhere that does the ceremony and meal at one venue or getting wed at the registry office and go for a lovely meal afterwards. No disco, no speeches, no wedding dance for us. We just want close family and friends but even thats coming to around 40 guests(!) I would love to just have our mums and nannas there to act as witnesses but it'll cause so much jealousy it's not worth it.

Do you know where you want to get married? Would you stay at home or travel? How many guests do you think you'll invite?

DiamondsnPearls

The OH and I are going to the reg office with just our parents, grandparents and siblings then off for a nice meal afterwards.
I am not a centre of attention person and I would rather spend a few grand on an amazing honeymoon and my rings

twirlypinky

There are so many options - you need to really write them out and just say yes/no until you're left with the right one.

We didn't want a big fussy doo in the UK either, we just didn't want the fuss. We didn't want a beach wedding either, so we looked for one where we were outside in guaranteed sunshine but not standing on sand - and that's what we've got. We're outside a little chaple on a bay with views of an ancient acropolis and the sea, and we've only got close friends and family coming out.

Having a wedding abroad really splits the men from the boys - people who really wanted to come have made it their family holiday this year, people that don't haven't. People that really wanted to but couldn't afford it have joined with other people in the same situation to get cheap accomodation and I've paid for my sister (or rather tried to - my mum won't let me) because she's a skint student.

The thought of a huge party with everyone we know there looking at us made my blood run cold, so i know how you're feeling!!! For some reason as soon as you decide to get married the world and it's mum have an opinion on when/where/guest list.

Remember it's your wedding, have it your way! x

sharpee

Of course you can have a small wedding in the UK

We're the same not wanting to be centre of attention and wanting to keep it small. We however decided we still wanted a Traditional Wedding. So we're having our closest family a couple of friends each, my H2B Son so a total of 21 people.

We're quite family orientated so wanted only thoses who were closest too (depsite grumblings from the extended familes). One thing my family (and I've got my H2B adicted to this) is Afternoon Tea which we're having after the ceronmony instead of the Traditional Wedding breakfast.

You have to decide what you both want and don't let other people convince you you should be doing it any other way. Its your day!

wiggychick

Congratulations on the engaement!

I agree with Twirlypinky - knowing what you don't want is just as important about knowing what you do want.

I'd sit down with your OH and a note pad (a small one would be less daunting!) and on one side write the things that are important to you
- who do you really want to be there
- how much do you want to spend
- are there any of the weddingy things that you would like (a photo, rings, bouquet, dress, honeymoon etc)
And on the other side the things that you particularly want to avoid.

Try to ignore anything anyone else has told you they would want and be as silly and creative as you like when you come up with what would suit the two of you. Then look at those ideas and see if there are any themes emerging and could they be practical?

What do the two of you enjoy doing together? You could bring this together with your wedding day somehow if you wanted to. No matter how unusual or how "normal" it may seem. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting married then going for a meal, a walk or even a swim!

It might help to think in terms of how you'd like to remember your day - whether it is because it was the holiday of a lifetime of because it was the day you cycled to Gretna.

If the family is complicated and this would make things difficult then there is nothing wrong with just doing it and then spending time with different parts of the family to celebrate with them separately.

People love to be involved with a wedding, but eventually people generally come around to the fact that this is YOUR day, no matter how you want to do it.

Good luck & do let us know what you decide!

Wiggy xx

london_saver

Do whatever feels right for you and your partner!

My friend got registered and had a secret 3 nights at a posh hotel, just her and her hubby.Then.... they came back and announced their new married status. It was a shocker to friends, but their f&f were cool about it. They understood their reasons and were happy that they finally tied the knot.

You can go as small and as big as you like. Whatever you choose, your f&f should understand what type of poeple you both are and why you chose what you decide to do to celebrate your marriage.

Good luck and best wishes for your wedding xxx

MrsDrink

I also agree with Twinkly - we started by listing what we didn't want - to be the centre of attention, speeches, first dance, formal sit down meal, any reference to religion, no church etc.
From there we began to think about okay so if we don't want that what did we want? For me the date was important (the same date as we met), and that pretty much dictated the rest.

We're getting married in our local registry office on a Tuesday - my family are scattered all over the country so while of course they are invited, and will attend, they won't be able to stay for very long because of work commitments. So that lead to us deciding we'd have the 'party' at the weekend afterwards, on the Saturday.

The ceremony is going to be quick and simple, immediate family only, with drinks at ours for those that want to. But the main event is the party on the Saturday - oh and another vital thing we didn't want - to spend a lot of money*, so we quickly decided we'd do it ourselves at our house. Just a normal get together - think more summer BBQ than wedding reception. We're inviting a total of 50 people - some of who I know won't want to come (because they don't 'do' weddings). They are all close family members or very close friends. Oh and I'm doing the buffet.

Good Luck and have fun planning!

* Although I am breaking that rule by having my eye on a dress around £750!:eek:

Kittendreich

Just to echo to have what you both want and not what you/others think you should have.

My cousin got married in a regstry office with two strangers as witnesses, then her and her hubby went for lunch and then headed of for a few days camping (in January!). When she came back they told their close family & friends in person and then just changed her status on facebook along with a couple of snaps they had taken! No party, no fuss. As noone was there noone could feel left out.

With a complicated family it is often good to do something a bit out of the ordinary to save trying to fit into a 'perfect family' mould from a textbook wedding (and to keep people who need separated apart!). Perhaps a small ceremony and then a wedding 'tour' where you visit the different bits of your families to celebrate - doesn't need to be anything formal, just a bbq, takeaway, night at the pub, meal out - whatever suits!