Loan to partner

grateful4help

Hi all,

Looking for a bit of advice please, I've been a long time lurker but first time asking for help so please be gentle with me. I know I have been daft and believe me I am in enough of a mess and upset enough as it is so please don't say I shouldn't have loaned it in the first place.

I have just split from my fiance and it has got particularly sticky. Over the time we were together I lent him about £4,000 in dribs and drabs to pay rent, car payment etc etc. I did this on the understanding that it would all be paid back to me

You can guess what is coming here he is now saying he will not pay it back. Is there any way I can force the issue at all or do I need to put it down to temporary in love stupidity?

The majority was paid by bank transfer to his account and I do have reciepts for some of the things I paid on his behalf. He has acknowledged the debt by email and until the last few days was saying by email that he would pay back every penny and agreed a monthly amount and the total amount owed.

Many Thanks

pink_princess

I'd write it off and move on. You were in a relationship with someone who could not pay 50/50. Thats life really. Many times over the years it has shifted between me and OH who has earned/paid the most. If you really don't want to support a partner financially get it in writing every penny then go to small claims court.
I feel this is would erode the quality of your relationship though.

jonesMUFCforever

You have as much of a chance of getting it back as I have of winning tonight's lottery!

sariebeth

If you have proof of the loans, plus, more importantly, proof that he intended to pay you back, then you should take him to court. It sounds like those emails he sent you could be his undoing. I dont know what the chances are of you getting it back but I know that I would give it my best shot. Speak to a solicitor, or CAB.

Sounds like you're better off without him by the way!

paddyrg

First the good news, he has accepted the debt, you have clear amounts, the court would be a formality. Now the reality - if he was borrowing off you all that time, he likely hasn't got much cash. The court may judge against him and get you a CCJ, but if he doesn't have money, he can't give it to you. You could, with a CCJ and failure to pay, get bailiffs to reclaim his property to the value of the debt at auction, but if he doesn't have luxury goods to that value, all you do is buy yourself more stress and grief.

Quiet life - walk away and be grateful it was only £4k
Stressful life - chase the debt and hopefully see some of the money back after a fashion (but possibly upset any formerly mutual friends)

grateful4help

Thank you for your replies.

At the time the money was loaned he was only working intermitantly he is now working full time earning a good wage so I may well look at taking through the courts.

Luckily for me from the mutual friends side the friends involved have all said he should pay me back and they wouldn't blame me at all for doing whatever needed to get it back. They have told him they have said that and that he is out of order for even considering not paying it back and that they now see him as much less of a man and friend than they thought.

I will put a final demand for payment in writing to him stating that if he does not come to some agreement I will take it to court and hopefully that might give him the kick that he needs to honour his debts. Any idea if there is any legal wording I need to include?

paddyrg

Remove all emotion from the letter, just state amounts, dates, and who agreed to what, when. Attach copies of emails/texts that you've had about this so far. State what you feel to be a reasonable restitution plan (eg"£100/week for 40 weeks"), something he can push back on (maybe offering £50/week) and so feel he has some control and pride regained, but also it shows a court he accepts the debt and is just arguing about details. Give a deadline of (say) 2 weeks before you revert to the courts. Title it "Letter before Action", and just keep it simple, avoid legal-sounding jargon, and list the facts.

If that doesn't do the trick, small claims court proceedings can be started online and that letter would already form the basis of your evidence.

telboyo

Just let it go, it is only money, if I had split from my intended spouse I would be more worried about a broken heart than money. Remember, money only exists so it can be given away.
You go to work and they give you money and then you go to the shops and you give it away. When you leave money in the bank they give it to some one else in order to give it away.

ninjapoundit5

Judge Judy?

sariebeth

telboyo wrote: »

Just let it go, it is only money, if I had split from my intended spouse I would be more worried about a broken heart than money. Remember, money only exists so it can be given away.
You go to work and they give you money and then you go to the shops and you give it away. When you leave money in the bank they give it to some one else in order to give it away.

I disagree. when you have worked hard for your money, why shouldnt you fight for it. Just because you were in a relationship with someone doesnt mean that a) they have the right to take what they want from you financially, or b) that you should give money to them with no hope of getting it back

When banks lend money, they want it back. With interest. So why should it be any different when you are with someone?

I was with a guy between the ages of 18 and 20, who was very controlling. He made me spend my first year student loan on him, ran up catalogue bills in my name, and demanded expensive gifts. When I finally got the courage to leave him, I knew I had no hope of getting my cash back as I gave it (under duress I might add) rather than loaned it. He got a job the week after we split, and phoned me to say he wanted to take me out and treat me (read, blackmail me into coming back) so I went and met him, he spent around £300 buying me clothes and gifts. He probably thought he'd got around me again, but as soon as he left me in town I went and returned all the things he brought,went to a mobile phone shop, got a new number, then rented my self a room with the money he'd spent on me, in a new town 20 miles away. Never spoke to him again. Best thing I ever did.

Apples2

I'm all for it guys, I was married for 15 years and lost the lot to the money grabbing mingebag.

I wish the rules were the same as you are describing above, I could have claimed back everything I had spent on her including digging her out of her debt hole when we met.

Sadly the World doesn't work like that.

I would be amazed if you could claim back everything you spent on him, sounds like you never were a couple at all.