dla dilemma

blessings3

My son has ADHD we get DLA it pays for 121 swimming lessons - extra tuition - computer programs - Milage on the car as have to drive him to school etc - But hes doesnt know we get it and I would certainly not tell him that he gets a disablity [/ allowance
To be honest I would claim it and would see no reason why you even have to tell him - My 8 year old is certainly not involved in our financial arrangements lol

bambam_2

The way vizcacha puts it it does sound reasonable and I could almost be convinced to send in the form. Husband is dead against it though, he is old school and believes you should work for every penny - he's already told his mother that she had better spend every last penny before she dies or he'll give it to the cat home (she hates cats).

We already provide extra tuition and do sports therapies, so he probably couldn't cope with any further tuition at the moment. (It's more hours in the day we need). He is exceptionally bright for his age and very good at earwigging! especially when I am talking on the phone to his dad who works away from home. It would only be a matter of time before someone mentioned something. He already asked me what DLA was 'cause he heard me talking to his therapist about it.

Danni

Hi there

I'd claim for him- it won't be long for him to realise that he's different (I'm dyspraxic, and knew from 8 that I wasn't normal, though I wasn't told until I was nearly 16), and when that happens you'll have to explain things to him then (you don't have to call it a disability- it's a difference ). If he found out, just tell him it's some extra money you get to make sure he can do the things his friends do.

Good luck

bambam_2

Savvy_Sue wrote:

No-one tells you how to use this money. You have to give this son more time than other children of this age need for some tasks, so you can use the money to buy time for yourself and your other children, for a cleaner or more takeaways or anything that helps you care for your child. If that makes sense ...

My mother (78) does my cleaning while I'm at work. (and she makes a better job of it than I do).

BTW - DCD stands for Developmental Coordination Disorder and affects his fine and gross motor skills (dyspraxia), his visual perception (dyslexia) and he has organisational and sequencing difficulties and short term memory problems. He gets confused easily and gets disorientated in strange places I could fill pages with the specifics but it just means that he needs extra supervision and in particular because of his fine motor problem he can hardly write and needs a scribe

bambam_2

Danni wrote:

Hi there

I'd claim for him- it won't be long for him to realise that he's different (I'm dyspraxic, and knew from 8 that I wasn't normal, though I wasn't told until I was nearly 16), and when that happens you'll have to explain things to him then (you don't have to call it a disability- it's a difference ). If he found out, just tell him it's some extra money you get to make sure he can do the things his friends do.

So do you claim (sorry if that is too personal - feel free to ignore the question). More importantly - do you still have problems or have you managed to 'develop strategies' (therapists favourite phrase) to cope.

Danni

I still have problems, but while growing up I developed a lot of strategies I've accepted that it's very unlikely that I will be able to drive (my coordination and spatial awareness aren't good enough) and that I'll probably always need help with going to unfamiliar places. I do claim DLA, partially for dyspraxia (I fail the meal test due to coordination problems, and because of needing extra supervision when out and about) and partially for the mental health difficulties.

However, I didn't get any help while growing up, so things are worse than they could have been. There are some good points though- I'm pretty good with computers because I needed an alternative to handwriting everything

There's a book you can both read. It's called Caged in Chaos- a dyspraxic's guide to breaking free by Victoria Biggs, and it will help with explaining the problems, as well as dealing with all the adolescent stuff that will be coming.

bambam_2

Thanks for this. DCD seems to be an area that varies a great deal between sufferers. I find it particularly difficult that he can do something fine one day and not at all the next. I will certainly get the book, I am soaking up as much info as possible at the present time and I hope to be able to badger the school into providing more occupational therapy. If they don't I will definitely apply for DLA to fund it privately.

OOOOh what adolescent stuff!!!

alba37

Hi Bambam

I understand where you are coming from, but at present there is no need for your son to know about it. At 16 he has to re-apply himself, so there is no need to re-apply at that time, if you wish. He is entitled to it, and it's not means tested, so try not to feel guilty or feel you are taking something you don't need. It is there for people who need more help/care than their peers and your son comes in to that group at the moment.

The form is a nightmare, so it's great the therapist has filled in some of it for you, go ahead and send it off.... you could give a little something to charity & xmas which you wouldn't normally give & know someone else is benefiting too! (just a thought!) (there was a thread somewhere about sponsoring a goat....)

bambam_2

Thanks for all your encouraging replies.
I did the goat thing last year and it was probably the first thing that was mentioned when asked what they got for christmas! Worth every penny

Savvy_Sue

The other thing is that as he gets older, he might prefer to have someone other than his mum as his scribe (it's an adolescent thing :rolleyes:) so DLA could be used to have someone in to help him with that part of his homework if that would be helpful. Or, as you say, for more therapy if you need to pay for it.

Also, although it's called Disability Living Allowance, you can teach your son that there's a difference between being disabled, and having a disability / difficulty with something. My eldest has mild Asperger's, and while I'd never describe him as disabled and it's not severe enough for him to have needed any help except extra time in exams, it certainly makes him 'different', and causes him to have difficulties with things.

To me, it's an attitude thing. You're obviously bringing up your son with a good attitude: there are problems, but they're not insurmountable barriers.