How much cash to give at a Chinese Wedding?

ironlady2022

My Bf's best friend and fiancee are getting married at the end of the year. I have known his friend for 3 years and his fiancee for just under one year. They both have expensive taste.

They have a so called 'wedding gift list' except it only consists of vouchers and from either Habitat or Selfridges in increments of £5. My Bf is planning to give a sizeable sum in cash as is the tradition of a chinese wedding. But I'm stuck on how much to give. On the page where you pay they said 'recommended gift value £30+'. Which I think is VERY VERY CHEEKY.

My question is I'm not sure how much to give.

Sarahjovi

mayling03 wrote: »

My Bf's best friend and fiancee are getting married at the end of the year. I have known his friend for 3 years and his fiancee for just under one year. They both have expensive taste.

They have a so called 'wedding gift list' except it only consists of vouchers and from either Habitat or Selfridges in increments of £5. My Bf is planning to give a sizeable sum in cash as is the tradition of a chinese wedding. But I'm stuck on how much to give. On the page where you pay they said 'recommended gift value £30+'. Which I think is VERY VERY CHEEKY.

My question is I'm not sure how much to give.

If you and your boyfriend are going together, can't you give your gifts together to make one large gift.

£30 sounds reasonable (even if cheeky), for a wedding gift for someone you only know through your boyfriend. At the end of the day, its what your feel comfortable with!

Sarah:D

ironlady2022

For a Chinese Wedding cash is the most acceptable. Thing is I was planning on giving more anyway about £80 (8 is lucky in Chinese) but sometimes people step over the line and needs telling. My Bf is thinking of giving them £300 OTT I know.

Edit: I only work part time 22.5 hours a week and £80 is a lo of money. I don't want to give less as they will think I'm tight. I remember as a kid Dad use to keep a tally of who gave what, then the same amount of money would be returned when people's Daughters/Sons got married off.

PootleFlump_3

I would give whatever you think, not what others may perceive to be an "adequate" sum. If they think you are tight then they arent worth bothering about in the first place. Have to say (no offence intended) that I find the idea of keeping a tally really strange. Surely a wedding should be about inviting people because you want them there, not to keep tabs so that you dont spend more on them when their time comes.

Dave101t

the chinese will be getting a hundred of the red packets, and not tallying what from who, only the end amount. put in what you think, if it was a friend of a friend, id do a tenner. a friend, 20 quid, a family member 30.

Rummer

I would only give an amount that you are comfortable with, do not give so much that you are having to do without.

nykied

PootleFlump wrote: »

Have to say (no offence intended) that I find the idea of keeping a tally really strange. Surely a wedding should be about inviting people because you want them there, not to keep tabs so that you dont spend more on them when their time comes.

My friend's sister (and I'm assuming, also my friend when she got married) did this. I wonder if they take inflation into account?

motherhen2234

You know your culture and the politics of the situation try and balance what you can afford with what will result in a peaceful and happy future. If you think £80 will work then go for it!

Mrs_Y

I hope I can help, I recently got married and my husband is Chinese!

We got married abroad, so we basically told people that we weren't asking for any gifts as they had spent money to come to the wedding, but if they wanted we would be happy to receive money or vouchers as we are moving home this year (touch wood!).

The maximum amount we received from one person/one couple was £50 and we were really suprised as we weren't expecting anything and we thought it was really generous!

The lowest amount we received was £20, but again, we were really pleased.

We are realistic to know everyone has different salaries and different situations.

I would also mention that if the couple whose marriage you are going to are BBC's (British Born Chinese) they are probably not that 'traditional' and expecting large sums of money.

ironlady2022

Mrs_Y wrote: »

I hope I can help, I recently got married and my husband is Chinese!

We got married abroad, so we basically told people that we weren't asking for any gifts as they had spent money to come to the wedding, but if they wanted we would be happy to receive money or vouchers as we are moving home this year (touch wood!).

The maximum amount we received from one person/one couple was £50 and we were really suprised as we weren't expecting anything and we thought it was really generous!

The lowest amount we received was £20, but again, we were really pleased.

We are realistic to know everyone has different salaries and different situations.

I would also mention that if the couple whose marriage you are going to are BBC's (British Born Chinese) they are probably not that 'traditional' and expecting large sums of money.

They were born in Hong Kong and Mainland China respectively but he lives over here and she will hopefully soon live over here. It's very different when you get married abroad and I agree shouldn't expect anything if they have paid to go abroad to attend the wedding. £50 is seen as the norm if it is just someone you know, then £100 if you know them well.

Thanks for everyone's input but the tally thing is pretty important as you always give the same or more. Also with a chinese invitation, they are called 'red bombs' as whether you attend or not you HAVE to give money. You give more if you go to cover he dinner/banquet cost and less if you do not attend as you are not eating. It's all very much complicated. The newly weds usually make a profit from this method. As they put on dinner and each guest should bring at least £50 per head and relatives ARE EXPECTED to pay more and they do pay more because of their relationship.

nykied

You have to give the couple money even if you don't go to the wedding??? So if someone I hated sent me one of these 'red bombs', I'd have to give them a present of money? That's outrageous! :eek::eek: