My story (long - sorry)

vodka_needed

Hi
I’m not sure all this is relevant but it gives some background into my situation and I would really appreciate any opinions people have on what course of action is best to take.

I met my ex husband at 17, we were both very young and he wasn’t always a nice man but I was too young, naive and smitten to see. We married when I was 19. In the 10 years we were married we accrued an astounding amount of debt (about £70k). Most of it went on him going out 4 nights a week (spending over £100 each night) and him having to have the latest electricals, cars and treating his latest woman. I did enjoy some of it though and we had 2 nice holidays. Anyway, we had to keep remortgaging and taking loans and credit cards. (some in sole names and some in joint names, I know this is really stupid but I wanted to save my marriage and couldn’t say no).
4 years ago (at age 29) I decided enough was enough and left the marital house with nothing but my clothes and moved in with a colleague. I immediately requested the joint account to be closed/frozen and we arranged who was paying what. I agreed to pay more than what I should as I was just pleased to get out.
The weekend I left he managed to withdraw all the money out of the joint account (taking it over £2000 overdrawn – the bank didn’t action my request to freeze the account and said they have no record of it) he also maxed out all his credit cards, buying clothes and withdrawing cash and booked 2 luxury holidays for him and his ‘new’ lady. The Monday after he started the procedure to start an IVA…
I saw a solicitor and started divorce proceedings, we agreed a consent order which stated that he could have the house (and contents) and the car. I was to get a policy pay out in Jan 2011 of £12000. The consent order also stated who was to pay each debt.
I have stuck to the consent order and have never missed a payment (or indeed any payment in my life). As he had an IVA, anything that was joint has defaulted to me and I have paid (getting 2 defaults on my credit report first though).
6 months after moving out I started a new relationship and moved in with him shortly afterwards. I pay half of his mortgage costs as rent and pay the food bill.
I don’t earn very much (about £22000), and after I have paid my bills and minimum payments I have about £100 a month left (I try and make extra weekly payments off my credit card when I can, even if it’s only a pound or two). I have lived like this for 3.5 years.
Late last year I discovered I was pregnant. (Please no judgements, it was a bit of a shock but very wanted). I was terrified about how I would cope but with the £12000 policy paying out in Jan, the timing couldn’t have been better as it would have paid my bills whilst on maternity leave.
In January the policy paid out – to my ex husband, and now I can’t get hold of him, he won’t return my calls or texts and I don’t know what to do.
He has also moved out of the jointly owned house, changed the mortgage to interest only (paying about £90 per month) and is renting it out unofficially to a friend for £500.
I really don’t know what to do. I think my only option is bankruptcy, but I am so embarrassed. I have worked so hard over the last 4 years to pay all this debt off. It just seems as though I have wasted thousands and thousands of pounds trying to do the right thing, and it will all be for nothing. I know I need to get past this though and I have to put my child first.
I have some questions though if I do go ahead:

• What will happen to the jointly owned house? Will he loose it?

• My credit card isn’t maxed out, would I be able to buy a cot and pram etc on my credit card and possibly asda vouchers etc before going bankrupt? Or would the OR disapprove as the items would be on my credit card statement dated just before the bankruptcy?

• How will the IPA be worked out? I’ll be receiving my normal salary for a couple of months and then I will only get approx £500 SMP a month (which isn’t enough, but my partner has been saving). But, when I return to work after my maternity leave would that have set a precedent that I can live on £500 a month and therefore will take any extra?

I’m so sorry this is so long. In a weird way it feels good to write it all down .

Thank you for reading

fizzy702

Didnt want to read and run i am not wise enough to be of much help... There will be many much wiser than me that will post
.. Just wanted to say well done for taking the first steps and no you are not stupid and never have been
You will got things sorted there is light at the end of the tunnel... good luck with you journey xx

IF

Hi VN and Welcome, It does help writting down how you are feeling. First thing make a list of all your creditors, debts and assets. Secondly and most important is contact one of the following debt charities. Please try these they don't charge and are impartial. They will go through all your options with you and if they suggest bankruptcy then come back to this board and we will help you all we can. Also if your not ‘clicking’ with one of the Debt charities do try another.

Please don’t do anything rash take your time and weigh up your options and read everything you can x

For ‘essential’ BR info this is Fermi’s sticky - Click here

Main recommended sources of help:

• National Debtline - Website: National Debtline Telephone: 0808 808 4000
• Citizens Advice Bureau - Website: Citizens Advice or visit your local CAB centre (find nearest)
• Consumer Credit Counselling Service - Website: CCCS Telephone: 0800 138 1111
  

Others:

• Business Debtline - Website: Business Debtline Telephone: 0800 197 6026
• Christians Against Poverty
• PayPlan
• TaxAid - Help with tax debts.

And do remember we’ve all been through this and anything you don’t understand don’t be afraid to ask.

Best wishes
If...x

Queen_Of_The_Jungle

As above post, not got much advice. Just wanted to say good luck with everything and congrats on the baby.
I hope someone on here can advise you accordingly. All the best

mel12

I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences

Just a suggestion - as well as the debt charities you could try getting some free legal advice about the payout that was sent to your ex when you should have been paid it: http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/

Ineedaname

Have you thought of using charity shops, Freecycle or eBay to keep baby costs down? There's always loads of baby stuff on my local Freecycle group and don't forget the baby won't know it's hand me downs and in the early days they grow so fast. The OR would be OK with living expenses on a card just before BR, i.e. rental deposit for house move, but would probably frown at a new pram etc. when other options are available.

Please don't feel ashamed of your situation, everyone has a different story to tell on here but in the end we're all in a mess and need to find a way through to the other side.

Personally I like cold dishes and would drop my ex in it by telling the bank he is renting out. But that's just me, lol.

If the insurance policy was in joint names then it might be worth seeing a solicitor about it, but don't hold your breath about seeing any of the money even if the solicitor says you should.

It sounds like he has remortgaged the property so that might also remove your interest from it, not sure on the legalities of the situation though, the free debt advice charities should be able to help if you give them the details. If your ex does lose the house that's really not your worry now, he's not exactly been good to you since you broke up.

IPAs are variable according to changes in income and expenditure. So if one is set up and your finances change then it can be changed up or down accordingly throughout the 3 years.

scarlet55

hi, why would anyone judge you for being pregnant...its wonderful news...congratulations...i cant give you any advice either just to say good luck with everything and once you have sorted everthing out im sure you will have a wonderful future to look foward to. happy mothers day xxx

debt_doctor

Hi,

The dilemma is, should you go BR or should you chase the 12k that is yours under the Consent Order?

If the Consent Order was registered in the Magistrates Court, the Magistrates Court could take enforcement action, which makes the matter criminal rather than Civil.
However, whats really needed is for him to give your money to you.Enforcement action as described often takes too long and the money will be gone.

You say he is under an IVA. Almost all IVA's have a windfall clause where he would have to declare it to the IP who would probably seize it as an asset. You would then present your consent order to the IP who would have to pass the money to you.

If he doesnt cooperate then he could be made bankrupt and / or face other proceedings.

So to get your 12k, you need to approach the IVA supervisor asap.

Of course you may not want to do this, it's for you to think about.

DD

bankrubber

vodka_needed wrote: »

I think my only option is bankruptcy, but I am so embarrassed.

Don't feel embarrassed about going bankrupt! I know it sucks to eventually go bankrupt after working hard on making payments, I feel exactly the same and am considering bankruptcy right now.

These forums are great for some support and encouragement, and I just want to add that you have nothing to be ashamed about.

Congratulations on the new baby due to arrive, I hope you can get things straightened out before the arrival and if bankruptcy is the right option I am sure you will benefit from making a fresh start. Happy Mothers Day :j

DON79

can't offer much advice but a couple of things stand out.....

First - congrats on the baby! :j

See your solicitor about the consent order

Tell his Iva practitioner like Debtdoctor said - that he has had this 12k, they will be after him in no time!

Tell the mortgage company that he is renting the house out without their or your consent.

The OR could turn a blind eye to some credit card purchases if you have no other way that you can afford to buy these things but it should be as last resort really or like if you have no food in the house etc... The idea of freecycle etc is a good idea for baby things like cots (excluding mattress) and baby bouncers/ have seen complete travel systems for babies on my local freecycle....

Lastly, make sure you look after yours and baby's health and don't get too stressed if you can help it.... make time for relaxing and getting your mind off your worries

vodka_needed

Hi
Thank you all for taking the time to reply - you have all been very kind.

You've given me a lot to think about. I'm going to speak to cccs tomorrow afternoon (after my 20 week scan :j)
On one hand I'm feeling a little more positive about things but on the other I'm so scared. (and I've just done the weekly shop on my credit card so something else to worry about!)

Many thanks