Mini rant alert.... What would you do?

v5076

Hi all

I would like some advice on what to do about my only adult bridesmaid.

Basically I have been looking for a dress for her bit as she lives a little distance from me have been sending links to her or calling her so she can have a look at what my ideas are and let me know whether she likes any of them but she never bothers to have a look. I also arranged a day of shopping which she cancelled as 'she's too busy'.

Feel like she doesn't really want to be my bridesmaid and have to admit that I'm upset about it. Do you think I'm overreacting?

MissPixie

I think if it was me I would approach it with her nicely and say something like I know you are really busy at the moment and I don't want to put any extra pressure on you so if you don't have time to be bridesmaid then let me know just because there is a lot to be planned.

How long has this been going on for? If she has just knocked you back a few times over a short period well then you might just have to accept that she is really busy and wait till things have calmed down but if this is more of a long term thing where it seems like she isn't making the effort then it is probably worth having a word because her life will be coming above your wedding to her but at the same time she if she cant commit to being a bridesmaid and all the things that come with that then you need to know as soon as possible to work round that.

ellay864

No but I think you need to talk to her. I don't know far off your wedding is - if it's some time away and you only have one BM it's less of a worry than if you have several to coordinate. Maybe she wants to lose weight and is reluctant to get a dress now? Are you buying it for her - if not, maybe she can't afford it now and is too embarassed to say so? If you feel you're genuinely getting to the point in time where you need to be getting the dress sorted then you need to speak to her, tell her you're trying to get everything together and that you're startring to worry about the fact she doesn't have her dress. And offer her the option to back out! Withouth throwing a hissy fit try to gently say that you really need to be sure she'll be sorted, and if she'd prefer not to be involved to let you know now so that you can re-arrange things.
I don't know what your relationship is with her but regardless of being BM, she doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh

Amymo

I'm in the same boat, one bridesmaid, very reluctant, has either disliked all the dresses or said she doesn't have time to look, we now have just three months to go and she thinks we have all the time in the world, despite me having more to do than just trail the shops! I haven't had any interest/input into my hen party which makes me really sad I think you should talk to her, it's what I'm going to have to pluck up the courage to do! Plus, if you're lucky and have longer than three months to go it could make for a better relationship and you might get some better support with wedding planning, hen party etc that I've missed out on. It's not easy and I really do sympathise

sexymouse

I had a similar thing happen with my only bridesmaid - I've ended up without one at all, even though I'd bought the dress and jewellery, and she didn't even turn up to my hendoo - I'd confront her so you know where you stand.

v5076

Thanks everyone. I'm definitely going to have to have a word I think as I nearly lost my temper with her yesterday. She sent me about 15 links to dresses - basically all of the dresses in the colour we want off one website and then followed it up with ".... well I'm all dressed out looking at dresses for you - I don't want to see or talk about another dress for at least 48 hours"....

I may just say that I don't want her to be part of the day if she's not very happy doing it.

Thanks everyone

Mrs_Y

I think you should definitely speak to her about it as the quote above saying she's ''all shopped out'' sounds really unhelpful at best and sarcastic at worst.

It's definitely better to speak to her now and either she gets her act together, or she won't be your bridesmaid.

Trust me I had one of my four bridesmaids in a proper sulk all morning of the wedding when I was getting and you really don't need the hassle! I still don't know what was up with her and I probably never will!

On your wedding day, the bridesmaids job is to be there for you! They should be enthusiastic and excited for you and offering to help.

MrsDrink

Hi you haven't said who she is - I think the way I'd approach this would depend on whether she is my sister/bestfriend/OHs sister etc.

spoonymoose

Hi v5076...

I'm having 4 bridesmaids at my wedding... 2 have been complete angels and have tried on every dress and shoe I've sent them a link to (and have supplied me with photograph so I know what they look like.)

One of the other bridesmaids has had a lot on her plate so I understand that she won't be taking much of an active role yet, which I completely understand and have thanked her for letting me know.

The one bridesmaid who I thought would be the best is my sister, however far from being amazing and supportive, she has complained to my mum about the dress I wanted her to try on, calling it "cheap and rubbish" - it's £60 and I've offered to pay for shoes as well. However, I'm stuck with her as she's my sister, but you have a choice whether to keep her or not (particularly if she's just a friend.)

I think sometimes people's true colours come out when the wedding planning starts taking place and you have to be cruel to be kind; your wedding day is supposed to be one of the most important days of your life and it's supposed to be stress free, if she's not pulling her weight now then there's a possibility that she's not going to be making sure you're stress free on the day.

Good luck with the talk, just remember, it's your day and you're supposed to be happy.

clearing_out_my_pockets

As I'm having a few bridesmaid issues myself at the moment (with a bit under 8 weeks to go) I'd advise you to nip it in the bud now before she gets worse.

We ordered our dresses in November last year and they are due in the shop next week. One of my bridesmaids has said she is unavailable Mon-Fri as she works in a school and is unavailable ANY Saturday as she's now got a Saturday job. The dress shop offered to do a Friday evening but she said no. They offered Thursday evening but she said no. I sent her a text saying that if her fitting doesn't get arranged, I'll pick the dress up and she can wear it too long and too big (or small - she's not tried it since November). Suddenly she can do one of the Saturdays.

screamer

If any of you are stuck for bridesmaids, I'll do it for you :-)