Where do I start, what do I do....aaarrrhhhh!!!

minnie-mouse_4

I am married, 2 young children and been advised to go bankrupt by CAB. Im scared!!
So many questions!!
Does my husband have to go bankrupt too? I know we will loose house but if Im honest I dont want it anymore, I want a break and to start again! nearly 2 years of struggling and depression and I just cant fight anymore,

is it true I will loose my car? (I also care for my mum take her shopping, hospital appiontments, Im her carer) I rely on my car heavily for other people too!

I am more confident that bankruptcy is the right thing to do and after 'lurking' on these useful forums I feel less scared to do so but my husband realy dosent want to become bankrupt. I dont see how I can do it and he cant??
I have tried to research into bankruptcy as best I can but think I have over done it and confused myself!
Is it best to find somewhere to rent before I become bankrupt?
ramble over, hope someone helps me xxx

intranicity

One bit at a time.... You've already started, CAB and coming here.

First off though, does hubby need to go bankrupt? Who owes the money, is it just in your name or joint? Might be easier to go through this in stages

minnie-mouse_4

We both owe, jointly and seperately. He actually owes more than me.
He buries his head, Im glad Ive plucked the courage to come on here, at least I can talk and get answers, not another argument!!

NeverAgain_2

...one bit at a time...

Good plan.

How much, roughly, do each of you owe?

What is your house worth, and how much do you owe on the mortgage?

Lastly, how much have you got in total coming in?

intranicity

Sounds like it would be much easier for you BOTH to go Bankrupt, but hard if he is burying his head, and if you go BR on your own, it's unlikely to help you that much as it will be difficult to have a clean start, and thats what you need. I take it that apart from the money issues you are both happy with each other?

Might be an idea to do a statement of affairs with regards the money you owe, and I'm sure that you'll get loads of support and help on here.

The car, is it worth much? If not, Hopefully you'll be able to keep it, but somehow you need to get your hubby to take his head out of the sand. If you're just avoiding the inevitable, no point wasting time and causing more damage to your health and the relationship.

minnie-mouse_4

we are ok, its just so stressful, such a strain but we do love each other!! Our house was valued at £120,000 by 2 estate agents about a month ago. Our mortgage is £125,000. We also have a secured loan on the property for £10,000. Unsecured credit cards, overdrafts and other silly things probably total £20,000! stupid to get into such a mess but 3 years ago we managed fine, you really never know whats round the corner!
Our total monthly incomings is currently £1350.
The car is prob worth about £2500

intranicity

Hopefully others will be along soon to advise re the house, but I can see how on your income, Bankruptcy on the face of it sounds like the right move for you both. Are you up to date with the mortgage, and do you have the funds to pay for bankruptcy at the moment?

How though to get him to talk and face up to reality seems to be a major obstacle for you, some how you have to get him on board, it really will make so much easier for you both, as a bloke, I think I can say that it's not the sand he needs to get his head out of, but a part of his anatomy...

minnie-mouse_4

I know deep down its the right thing to do. coming up to 2 months arrears now, If I stop paying I can get bankruptcy money together. Ive never been to a court!
what is an IPA? is that when the Official Reciever takes your disposable income?
I know 2 people who became bankrupt but with very different circumstances to me (didnt own house and were single) they say looking back it was the best thing they did and found it painfree to do

intranicity

I'd never been to court (well except for a divorce) and i was embarrassed and ashamed that i'd made such a mess of things, now 7 years on I wish I'd done it a few years earlier rather than struggling on and trying to avoid the inevitable. That's what you need to get into your Husbands head (Unless there is a genuine reason like occupation that is why he's hiding?) I wouldn't say the process was pain free, but it wasn't that bad, and certainly a vast improvement over worry about the next letter or knock on the door...

Not much knowledge of IPS's but I think that basically you agree through negotiation to pay a certain percentage of your debt back to your creditors over x number of years, they have to agree to it too, depends really if you can manage, but sounds like you'd struggle on an IPA with that income and a family to support, at least if you lost the house and rented, you'd probably get some help with Housing costs.

minnie-mouse_4

I think my husband is embarrassed/ashamed of the situation we are in. Im sure so many others feel the same too. Ive applied at college for a new course and career change, Ive looked into full time jobs too for more income but the childcare costs are more than half a wage! I cant rely on family to look after my children, It would be such a help if I could!
I feel less stressed already, thank you!

Ineedaname

intranicity wrote: »

Not much knowledge of IPS's but I think that basically you agree through negotiation to pay a certain percentage of your debt back to your creditors over x number of years, they have to agree to it too, depends really if you can manage, but sounds like you'd struggle on an IPA with that income and a family to support, at least if you lost the house and rented, you'd probably get some help with Housing costs.

Not quite, that's a mixture of IVA and IPA.

An IPA is an agreement purely between the BR and the OR (official receiver) and will only be put in place if you have in excess of £20 pcm surplus income. The SOA is quite generous for BR so don't worry too much about IPAs for now.

Did your husband come along to the CAB with you? It might help if you can get him along to an appointment, or even just put the figures in front of him. You could do that by completing the SOA in this link, format it for MSE and post it up here first so members can advise if you've missed anything off that you would be entitled to as a BR. Then you could print it off and show your husband. That might just jolt him into accepting the situation cannot continue.

Do let him know that it's nothing to be ashamed of, there's so many people in the same boat, you are not alone.

Wanted to check too, if you are your mum's carer, do you receive Carer's Allowance for that? There are limitations, but it's worth looking into and sometimes it's worth getting the benefit even if you don't receive any money for it, as your mum could then be entitled to further financial help.