sorry dont know where to post this but how to say no to people

Dellers

I have a big problem saying no to people when it comes to money. If I am going on holiday people ask me to get them things that ends up costing me or to order for them online. I feel so awkward asking for the money or if they offer I say its ok. Recently I went on holidaypeople asked me to get them things like perfume etc ... how do I say no ?? or do you just ignore those requests . I was the fool to get them the things they asked for though

bugslet

Hi dellers

Do you not like to say no because you want people to think you have more money than you do. A lot of people get into debt because they want to present an image by having the right clothes, the fancy car and you not wanting to say no to people is only an extension of that.

Or do you not like to say no becaue you don't want to come across as an unpleasant person.

TBH, I wouldn't let someone pay for something. Just my opinion but they aren't that great a friend if they don't offer to pay you back. If it was me I'd say something like, 'I got your perfume, it was only £35.00, don't woory if you don't ahve it on you now, I'll see you next Monday...'

Dellers

I am not in debt myself only the student loans but thats all taken care off. I just feel terrible saying no ! I

kazwookie

I always get the money up front.

If they don't come up with the money before I go, I always 'forget' to buy perfume/ ciggs etc.

If they question it when I get back, I just say something like, had a bad flight forgot all about it sorry,.......naughty I know but they never came up with the money.

And as for buying stuff online for people, I sit with them and say, right let's open up your own account on this site, so you can buy what ever you want when you want, I help them set it all up, watch them make the first purchase and leave them to it.................that I have found also saves problems, when the stuff arrives and it is too big / small/ wrong colour etc etc.

LandyAndy

"Could you just get me x while you are on holiday?"

"Of course, just let me have the money a couple of days before I go.";)

bugslet

In which case you are too flipping nice:p. Practice in front of the mirror saying no and just watch what other people do about paying or not paying for things. If they are good friends then they won't mind. They are probably just used to you doing it now and don't think about it.

determined_new_ms

LandyAndy wrote: »

"Could you just get me x while you are on holiday?"

"Of course, just let me have the money a couple of days before I go.";)

loving ur style there LandyAndy :rotfl:

climbgirl

It's all about practice! Once you've done it a few times, you'll wonder what was holding you back all this time.

As others have pointed out, you don't have to be rude or confrontational, simply ask for the money up front. If they say no, don't buy the stuff.

Anyone who kicks off about it is not really worth having around as a friend anyway. I shed a "friend" recently who was constantly borrowing money or under-paying people when they'd booked something for her, never took her turn at buying rounds etc. Life is much more pleasant without her constant drama.

growleygrumps

I totally understand where the OP is coming from!! Last November i loaned a "friend" the money to buy a laptop as i had a credit card which offers more proptection. I ordered it online from the supplier and it came to £425. She gave me £225 immediately and asked if she could repay the rest after christmas, which i agreed to even though i wasn't too happy about it, i thought she had the money upfront. I don't buy anything unless i know i can pay for it. We are soon going into April and i still havn't had this money back and i really don't know how to bring this subject up with her. I would be grateful for any advice!! So i know how easy it is to be used by people who we believe are friends. I know now that she can't be that good a friend to be behaving in this way. I really need this money back but am worried about asking for it. It makes me so cross when she tells me what she has bought for other people ie her boyfriends mother she paid half towards a tv for her, or what she bought other people for christmas. I won't make this same mistake again as i have been let down too many times.

GG xx

bugslet

Growley, you gotta just ask! Otherwise it will go on and on and then you'll never get round to it. She knows she owes it, so just say is there any chance you could pay that£200 back, I need the money.

Heck, I hate owing a quid to someone.....:o

snookey

I think you need to be honest and tell them that unless the money is up front then you can not buy it as you dont have cash spare. Getting money off your pal well stop being a mug and tell them you need the money and would like it by a set day.
Iv learnt that nobody respects you if you let them walk all over you. I had a pal who was always whinging and expecting me to drop everything for them but when I needed them they were not avaliable. Stop being a doormat unless your prepared for them to wipe there shoes all over you.