Desparate to get out of mortgage with ex...

Sarah_Smile

Dear All,

After being a lurker for quite some time I have found myself in a situation where I am at my wits end and I need help...so here goes...

I got a mortgage with my then boyfriend on a flat in London. Its a leasehold (RTB from the council) and we are tenants in common. Basically I didnt want to get the mortgage in the first place because I wasnt sure if I could afford it, but my ex 'insisted' by which I mean bullied and wore me down until I gave in.

That was in 2004. Six years on and we have not only split up but I have found myself £20,000 out of pocket due to his debts and CCJ's (yes, I know, I was stupid enough to lend him the money and no good deed goes unpunished). Once again he wore me down and my living situation was so 'uncomfortable' that I moved out (after he told me to get out because I didnt have a job that would keep in in a way to which he was accustomed...).

To add insult to injury, he has never paid a penny towards the mortgage in any way shape or form. He has lived in the property for a few years now, I dont have the keys and yet I am still paying the full mortgage...he claims that he cannot earn enough to live and pay the mortgage. Im afraid of bad credit, since Im 42 and not getting any younger...

Anyway, I met him this weekend and told him that I would not be paying the mortgage anymore...enough is enough. He said that Im being 'unreasonable...'. Yeah Right. Obviously, Im afraid of the implications of doing this, assuming he does not pay, but Im at the end of my tether...

Anyway, I had a friend that had a child and split up from his partner. He has sole custody and he moved out of the property and his ex wife lives there...he told me that he wrote a letter to the mortgage company telling them he no longer lived there and they no longer hassle him for any missed payments. They go solely to his ex-wife...

I was wondering if this was an option for me. My ex and I do not have any children... Im desparate to get out of this mortgage and solicitors are expensive. If I have to go down this route it will take time for me to get the funds together and in the meantime I will have to pay the mortgage because I dont want bad credit...please please help, any suggestions would be appreciated...Ideally, I just want out...I dont care about recouping my losses since to be honest, there is not much chance of that happening...please please help...

Jowo_2

Sarah_Smile wrote: »

...
Anyway, I had a friend that had a child and split up from his partner. He has sole custody and he moved out of the property and his ex wife lives there...he told me that he wrote a letter to the mortgage company telling them he no longer lived there and they no longer hassle him for any missed payments. They go solely to his ex-wife...

...

Sorry, but that sounds like a fantasy. By any chance, did that chap omit his current address from that letter so the lender couldn't trace him!! Joint owners are jointly and severally liable and the lender will go after either or both the owners. It's probably easier from an admin point of view to go after the current occupier. For all you know, the lady is paying the mortgage.

The Shelter website has a relationship breakdown section that will give you pointers. It also has info for home owners, including how to prevent arrears and what happens during the repossession process.

Go to the Debt Free wanabee board to find out your options for dealing with the inevitable problems that will result from the non payment of the mortgage by both parties. They will be able to give you an idea of a strategy to deal with it.

You can't 'get out' of a joint mortgage unless the sale can be forced via a court order (if your ex won't sell if you wish to) or one of the owners buys the other one out (so therefore has to be able to demonstrate to the lender that they can afford all the payments). Is there any equity in the property? Secured loans on it?

GemBlueTopaz1984

sell it, if you need to you can go to court and force him to sell if he refuses. Is there any equity. If not you might have to take a personal hit on any shortfall. I seriously doubt writing a letter telling them you don't live there will stop them coming after you, mortgage companies tend to hound both owners but will spend more time trying to get the money from who ever is more able to pay which since you were making the payments will most likely be you.

Sarah_Smile

Jowo wrote: »

Is there any equity in the property? Secured loans on it?

I thought the 'letter' was too good to be true but I had to find out if it was an option because in case you hadnt noticed, Im desparate...

The property was a RTB and we purchased at a discount. The obligitary 3 years has passed so we gain the original discount on the property when we purchased. There are no secured loans on it, Im guessing that my ex cannot take out any secured loans on the property without my knowledge right? I have not taken out any loans on the property...

Sarah_Smile

GemBlueTopaz1984 wrote: »

Is there any equity. If not you might have to take a personal hit on any shortfall.

I dont care about the personal hit if there is one...I want out...Any idea about how much it will cost in terms of cout fees?

Jowo_2

Sarah_Smile wrote: »

.. There are no secured loans on it, Im guessing that my ex cannot take out any secured loans on the property without my knowledge right? I have not taken out any loans on the property...

I don't know but other members will. It only costs £3 or £4, I think, to get a download from the land registry.

Do you think your ex will be happy to sell and split the money with you if he realises it's that or repossession? Or do you think he will buck up and start paying the mortgage for a change now he realises his lifestyle subsidy has ended?

Sarah_Smile

Jowo wrote: »

Do you think your ex will be happy to sell and split the money with you if he realises it's that or repossession? Or do you think he will buck up and start paying the mortgage for a change now he realises his lifestyle subsidy has ended?

When I told him to his face that I refused to pay he was surprisingly calm. He can be volatile when his back is against the wall. He dosent know where I live, that would be the kiss of death because I suspect that he would try and hassle me.

My worry is that when pushed he will get agressive. He has hit me before and Im afraid of him...

Voyager2002

Please, see a solicitor. Find one who will give a free or fixed-price initial consultation, so that you have some idea about your options.

SnowBelle_2

Sarah,
Firstly you are not being unreasonable,you are trying to resolve a difficult situation.
If you are concerned about what to do make an appointment with Citizens Advice and tell them your situation ( all of it including the debts)
Some solicitors will give a 15-20 minute free advice appointment check your local ones to see if they do.
Don't meet him alone and don't contact him ( texts etc)to antagonise him as some things could end up your word against his,if you do have to meet him do it in a public place and take someone with you.
Make it clear to anyone you talk to that he must not know your address,open a P.O Box if you are worried your mail can go there.
Good Luck,be strong and don't let him antagonise you.
XsnowX

Jowo_2

See the Women's Aid website. They have useful information for those in your situation, including safety, housing options, your rights. You need to prioritise your safety and ensure you are not subject to further financial violence, as well as physical, as he may very well seek to control the outcome of the property to his own favour.

The Shelter site also has info.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/domestic_abuse
http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/families_and_relationships/domestic_abuse

evoke

Jeez.

OP: I feel for you. I hope you get it sorted soon.