Should I be offended?

Fuzzy_Duck

Bit of a silly question, but I'm interested in the correct etiquette here. An aquaintance of mine and my boyfriend's (we met him at the same time, so he's well aware we are a couple and have been for several years) is getting married. He's invited loads of his friends and during a conversation where it was brought up I mentioned we hadn't been invited. Not with any bitterness you understand, I'll only expect a wedding invitation from my closest friends after all, and he isn't. At that point my boyfriend admitted that he'd been invited, but I most certainly haven't been! Thankfully he's not interested in going, as I'd feel quite hurt if he was. I do however feel the groom is being a bit of a cheeky sod inviting loads of people including my boyfriend who he knows no better than me. So what is the ettiquette here? Or am I totally missing the point and all it means is he always liked my boyfriend a lot better than he liked me? :rotfl:

aliasojo

Is the invite for the whole thing or just the evening part?

Why do you say 'but I most definitely haven't been'? Are you sure the invite wasn't just addressed to your boyfriend with the expectation he would be taking you?

If the answers to those are...evening, addressed to boyfriend with a note that says 'ticketholder only'...then yeah, blokey doesn't like you much.

pigpen

I'd be offended if someone invited my OH but not me.. that said he has been invited to his friends 30th in June.. along with his sister so it isn't all men.. but I haven't been.. not that it matters much because I couldn't go anyway but they don't know that.. I think it is downright rude to invite just him.. if i was your bf I'd have immediately called the friend and asked about it and if it was an error..

I wouldn't go even if he changed his mind and invited me as an after thought.. lol

I think you are justified in being offended.

balletshoes

It might be all to do with numbers, and nope, I wouldn't be offended, its not like its your immediate family or best friends wedding.

honeypop

I wouldn't be offended, but then that sort of thing is 'normal' for us and our friends. At our wedding, we wanted our good friends there but could no way afford the extra for all the partners, so I invited my girl friends and DH invited his man friends to the whole day, but with an invite for the parters to join in the evening. No-one complained and everyone came as invited, we did explain why to a few people but they were so unbothered by the situation that we stopped explaining ourselves to people. There were a few couples where we knew both of them very well though so they got invited as couples, but we knew them VERY well.

And that is the way it has been at all the weddings we've been to in the past few years, mainly to do with cost I suppose.

Although seeing as you and your OH both knew his equally well it does seem a bit strange, but maybe he sees your OH as more of a mate than the two of you together iyswim?

Fuzzy_Duck

aliasojo wrote: »

Is the invite for the whole thing or just the evening part?

Why do you say 'but I most definitely haven't been'? Are you sure the invite wasn't just addressed to your boyfriend with the expectation he would be taking you?

If the answers to those are...evening, addressed to boyfriend with a note that says 'ticketholder only'...then yeah, blokey doesn't like you much.

I believe they've been invited for the whole thing surprisingly! I shall check though. I definitely haven't been invited though, hence boyfriend tried to keep the whole thing quiet at first as he knew what my reaction would be like Oh dear oh dear, if he didn't like me much before he won't like me at all now :rotfl:

Thanks pigpen, if he was a closer friend then I would have to ask why I wasn't invited, but as he's not I won't bother. I think he must be fonder of my boyfriend than I thought, not that he's noticed as he doesn't want to go and doesn't understand why he's been invited. And that definitely would have upset me if he had gone anyway and not been offended on my behalf.

I was going to compare myself to Princess Beatrice's boyfriend but at least he's got an invite to the evening reception

smithyjules

Hi OP was there an actual invitation?The reason I ask is that when we got married we both verbally invited some friends along for a drink later in the evening (tight budget lol!).I made it clear to whoever I invited that they were free to bring partners along. My Husband however just went round saying "yeah come and have a drink with us!" to all and sundry without mentioning anything else. He just presumed they would bring them along!Mind you he just presumed a lot of things just "materialised" with no planning before the day lol!Thankfully when I was rounding up who was/wasn't coming along I realised he hadn't invited the partners specifically and got in touch with them myself!Which is a good thing because the guys he'd invited "presumed" partners weren't invited at it hadn't been mentioned lol!Why don't you just mention it in passing when you next see the guy and ask what the dress code is or something like that?chances are it's been overlooked by an excited (or too relaxed) groom!

gjs6385

Hi,

No I wouldn't be offended because, as you said:

- You aren't close friends with the groom, and
- He knows you are a couple, and as someone else said above, it may therefore be expected that you would be going with your bf.

GobbledyGook

It could also be something as simple as they are having an exact even split of guests. Old friends of mine did that - they had 100 guests each. She had a big family so she had Aunts & cousins galore and couldn't invite some friends because of the split. He had about 50 rellies then loads of random pals that he hardly knew just to make up his numbers! In his eyes a 50:50 split of guests was 'fair' despite his new wife not getting to invite close friends and him inviting the bloke that he says hello to in the pub on a Thursday at quiz night! Perhaps he's invited a few of the blokes to make up his numbers, but can't invite all the partners.

Fuzzy_Duck

I think that's probably the problem I have with it honeypop. Another couple who know him on the same level we do have been invited and they haven't been dating nearly as long as us. It has made me feel a bit like our relationship hasn't been taken seriously as stupid as it sounds. I'm always over analysing these things and although I am trying to see the funny side it's never nice thinking, "oh god, have I done something to offend him, does he not like me very much?"

I totally understand the money issues, I just don't understand why they were okay with the added expense of my boyfriend and not me. It would have made a lot more sense not to invite either of us, and neither of us would have minded that. I think the only possible reason is that the groom sees my boyfriend as a much better mate than me- which is really weird as boyfriend hasn't noticed that. He was invited to the stag do as well and ignored that invite as well. I'm guessing money isn't much of an issue as so many friends have been invited as well as family.

Anyway, this has been very helpful! I am constantly confused by wedding ettiquette and I suppose it's actually a good thing I never get invited to them. I don't have to worry about what to wear and I don't have to buy them a wedding present either

Fuzzy_Duck

smithyjules wrote: »

Hi OP was there an actual invitation?The reason I ask is that when we got married we both verbally invited some friends along for a drink later in the evening (tight budget lol!).I made it clear to whoever I invited that they were free to bring partners along. My Husband however just went round saying "yeah come and have a drink with us!" to all and sundry without mentioning anything else. He just presumed they would bring them along!Mind you he just presumed a lot of things just "materialised" with no planning before the day lol!Thankfully when I was rounding up who was/wasn't coming along I realised he hadn't invited the partners specifically and got in touch with them myself!Which is a good thing because the guys he'd invited "presumed" partners weren't invited at it hadn't been mentioned lol!Why don't you just mention it in passing when you next see the guy and ask what the dress code is or something like that?chances are it's been overlooked by an excited (or too relaxed) groom!

Random friends including the boyfriend were invited via Facebook. I am friends with him as well on there but I didn't get one. I guess it's easy enough to miss someone on there. Anyway, neither of us would have felt comfortable going even if I had got an invite as well so I am complaining over nothing really! When I see him again I'll ask how the wedding went and might be cheeky enough to say my boyfriend didn't feel comfortable attending without me. It puts the ball in his court without being totally rude about it.

Thanks again all, I think I'm going to hope it was something as simple as assuming I'll go/missing me off the list/just missing the numbers cut... it's a lot nicer than thinking he secretly dislikes me and I've been too up myself to notice!