Charging Boyfriend Rent...

Richard_Webster

I just don't get this relationship.

Where is it going if they can't agree on whether or not to buy a house together? If they can't agree that and OP is trying to square the circle the seeds of a problem later on down the track are there.

There is a gap in their commitment to each other which could widen with financial stresses later if one loses his/her job or mortgage interest rates go up etc etc.

If they don't love each other enough either to buy together or to decide not to do so yet then they have to consider whether staying together is really a good idea. I say that because the law only goes so far in practice to protect people and it can be very expensive and stressful to go to court if things go really wrong. So you get people in situations as in https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3119518 and https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/41183832#Comment_41183832.

The situations there may not be the same as here but something could still go wrong in a different way. So thinking through beforehand whether the relationship can stand the strains would be good. He may say he is prepared to pay rent but further down the track it will never be "our" house and that could make him feel less valued. May be he likes being with OP at the moment but doesn't want the commitment. Is OP happy with that - how will she feel if he leaves because he hasn't got any ties?

quantic

You cannot use any 'rent' from your boyfriend as combined income, I tried this originally about 2 years ago because I was on a lower wage so couldn't afford the mortgage I wanted on my own. Furthermore, when I mentioned that I wanted to rent a room out they said they would not be happy with me doing this even if I didn't use the income to qualify for the mortgage?

hazyjo

I'm with Richard on this... it's a very odd one. If you had a home already and met someone and he moved in, that's different. But to be buying alone yet acting as LL to your BF - well, that just seems a bit strange. He obviously doesn't want any of the commitment. I'd buy alone and live alone. If he stayed over 2 or 3 nights a week, great.

You both seem to want different things. Have you actually talked about your future? If he doesn't want to commit to buying with you after a 5 year relationship, I'd say there were huge question marks over things. Do you want a family and all that? Is that what you're seeing in the next few years? Marriage? Does he?

Why are you so keen to buy? Why don't you both just keep on renting and saving? Are the savings all yours, or has he contributed - or does he have his own separate savings? How big is your deposit?

It just feels like you're trying to move the relationship on to the next level, but he's not ready. Maybe you see it as ''make or break in that you either live together and own a house (even if it is only one of you owning it) or keep renting. Maybe you should be seeing that 'make or break' as do we stay together and rent or do we split up...

Sorry, probably not what you want to hear, but he doesn't sound ready to make any commitment and I think you need to make some firm decisions about what you (both) want in the next few years.

If you don't mind saying, what ages are you both? I was only 21 when I first bought - and that was with a BF I'd been with for 4 years. Ended up buying my next flat alone at 24...

Jx