In-law rant

noodledoodle78

Thank you all for taking the time to give your opinions and post. Certainly gave me different view points so thank you.

monkeymonkey_3

fayester wrote: »

Hi Noodle,

I agree with you - this is really mean and hurtful and I'd be gutted if it were me. Ignore the person who says you are 'dropping off' your son as his grandparents will no doubt be delighted to spend two weeks with him when he doesn't live near them. Isn't it just sad that people have to think of themselves when something as nice as a marriage takes place, instead of saying 'Congrats, we wish you all the love and luck in the world' and celebrating in a way you prefer. It's not their wedding, it's yours. Do it your way, make sure your H2B knows you love him to bits, don't slag his family off to him, and have a wonderful wedding!! x

They may well be delighted to look after him, but they are not obliged to look after him just because they're his grandparents...2 weeks is a long time to be looing after someone else's child.

noodledoodle78

I'm confused? Not sure what this has to do with my post. It was in fact their idea to look after my son - we were originally going to take him with us. Thanks.

monkeymonkey_3

It wasn't a dig, mostly just a response to fayester's post and their suggestion that your OH's parents not coming to your party is mean. Whether it was your idea or theirs to look after your son, it is a kind thing that they are doing, so it doesn't necessarily follow that they aren't coming to your party just because they won't make the effort. I can totally appreciate your being upset about them not coming though.

MrsDrink

Hiya Noodle.
I read your post when you first wrote it but have been deliberating my response . Part of me feels you shouldn't worry about them, it's your wedding and you and your H2B should do what you want. But another part of me wonders whether his family feel like the two of you are snubbing them because they aren't invited to the wedding, and the reception is in another 'country'*

What is your (and your OHs) relationship with them like prior to all this?

When I met MrD for one reason or another (which I won't go into here) I didn't get on with his parents, slowly though, after the last 12 years, I have built up a very strong and close relationship with them. To the point where we live round the block from them and when MrD went away for a week recently I still popped round for a chat. But I know if we ran off and got married just the two of us (regardless of whether that was abroad or in this country) they wouldn't be able to forgive us. They would try, and I'm sure they would speak to us etc, but it would tarnish our relationship for sure.

I am sure there are reasons why you are getting married in Cuba, and having your reception in your home town. I think you have to focus on having the wedding that you want, but appreciating and accepting that this may not be the wedding that his parents would want for him. (As someone else asked - what does your OH think about it all?) Weddings are a headache aren't they!! Trying to please everyone is impossible.



* I appreciate it's not really another country.

noodledoodle78

I think it may be out of sight and out of mind for them. While we were living in England my OHs parents couldn't do enough for us. His step mum was even at the birth of our little boy and was totally supportive towards us.
Since we moved over to NI we hardly get a phone call. They did the same thing for my son's Christening. They even told us (and my little boy) that they were coming over for his birthday party next week. He was so excited and told everyone in his class. Next thing you know we get a phone call that they can't make it as my OHs Dad can't get the time off work. (Again the party is on a Saturday.)
Try explaining that to a child.

I don't want to appear ungrateful for all they have done for us, but a huge part of me wants them to come over here and see our little life and play a part in our son's life. I appreciate they must miss us living in NI - we obviously miss them too - but I don't think a trip over here in five years is too much to ask.

noodledoodle78

I should also add that his parents thought it was a fantastic idea having the wedding in another country - my OH's Mum even helped with collecting info and ideas. Both sets of families have been supportive over our decision to get married abroad.

My OH has said he is trying not to let it bother him, but he wants them there. He wants them to come over and visit and see our little life over here, the house, sons school etc and be proud of him. He thinks the world of his family.

podperson

It does sound an awkward situation Do you get on well with his parents personally? Maybe it would be worth you just ringing them when OH isn't in and saying to them that OH is a bit disappointed that they can't make it and it would mean a lot to you both if there was any chance they could sort something out - if money was the main issue maybe offer to help out as a thank you for them watching your son? Perhaps because it's not your actual wedding they're invited to they don't understand how important it is to you?

MrsDrink

What a headache (and heartache) for the two of you!!

It is really hard when family disperse over the country. I live the closest of me and my brothers to my mum, so inevitably I see her the most and I guess am the closest to her. My big brother lives 3-4 hrs away (and for years didn't drive) so he hardly saw her. From the sounds of it things were 'easy' when you lived nearer, and now like you said out of sight... but that doesn't mean it's intentional. I'm a teacher and all my friends know I'm hopeless during term time, very rarely see anyone cause I'm so busy, but tend to catch up during school hols. I guess the difference there is I make the effort to catch up when I can.

While we all envision weddings as an opportunity for two families to come together and celebrate... I mean how many fairy tales do you know of where one family is split and the, say, brides parents aren't talking to each other or can't stand to be in the same room as each other... or like, potentially, in your case where one half of the family don't attend. But that doesn't mean the celebration shouldn't be just as happy. It will be hard if they decide for sure not to attend, but it won't stop you from having a great marriage. At least they have played a small active role in your wedding - helping to plan and organise the cuba ceremony. So it's not like they are completely snubbing you - if they weren't interested they wouldn't have done that!

Like Pod says have either of you told them how much you would like them to come over and see your 'new' lives? (I'm guessing the answer is "yes of course" but you never know).
I'm waffling aren't I?! Lol just tell me to shut up!

Mojisola

noodledoodle78 wrote: »

I should also add that his parents thought it was a fantastic idea having the wedding in another country - my OH's Mum even helped with collecting info and ideas. Both sets of families have been supportive over our decision to get married abroad.

Are you sure that they really thought it was a fantastic idea or just that they knew that's what you wanted and were being very supportive, despite their own feelings?

I would be upset if a child of mine wanted to get married without inviting me but I might hide my feelings if I could see that a "fairytale" wedding abroad was their dream.