In-law rant

noodledoodle78

Just wanted a bit of a rant guys, so apologies in advance and please bear with me.

We moved from England about 5 years ago back to NI (where I am from) after my son was born.

We are getting married in Cuba in July and flying back to England to my oh's parents for his sister's wedding first and then on to Cuba for our own wedding, just the two of us.
My OH's parents are looking after our little boy for two weeks for us in England.

We have planned to have an evening reception in N.I when we get back (my parents are arranging this for us) and we have let my OHs parents know. They seemed completely disinterested. Roll on tonight when I phoned them to ask if they had looked into flights over. They told us they couldn't make it as my OHs dad couldn't take any more time off work (the party is on a Saturday!!) and flights were very expensive (£80 each).

I'm just really annoyed that they cannot make the effort to come over for my OH for what will be our wedding party. It certainly isn't a money issue, and I just don't understand why they wont make the effort. They also told us that his sister and her oh (who's wedding we are flying over to attend) will not be able to make it because they will not long have returned from their honeymoon. They don't expect any of his other brothers or sisters to attend either. It just seems that we are making the effort but none of his family seem to want to make it for us.

Sorry for all the rambling - I am just really hurt and annoyed at the thought of my family being there and my OH not having any members of his family there.

Afitos

How awful for you. Weddings do seem to bring out the worst in some families. How does your OH feel about it ?

Mojisola

You aren't having them at your wedding ceremony - they may not want to bother with the travel and expense for what is just a party.

noodledoodle78

You may be right. Just trying to look at it from different perspectives. Thanks for your opinion.

sharpee

Maybe they could asrrange a similar party in the UK for you?

In-laws are the downside to getting married I know your pain

Luckyred

Perhaps your in laws are upset because you are getting married abroad and they wont be able to celebrate with you.
If it was my son that was getting married abroad without family there I would be upset but would have to accept it if thats what they wanted..... but if I was expected to travel to NI for a party after the main event I would not be happy about it.
Perhaps they cant justify the expense being as it wouldnt be for the actual wedding.
Try to think of it from their point of view.

Torry_Quine

Luckyred wrote: »

Perhaps your in laws are upset because you are getting married abroad and they wont be able to celebrate with you.
If it was my son that was getting married abroad without family there I would be upset but would have to accept it if thats what they wanted..... but if I was expected to travel to NI for a party after the main event I would not be happy about it.
Perhaps they cant justify the expense being as it wouldnt be for the actual wedding.
Try to think of it from their point of view.

This is how I feel, if you want to go off and get married on your own fair enough. However the OP shouldn't really be surprised that people are unwilling to go to the expense for a party albeit to celebrate your wedding.

Bennifred

Perhaps you could offer to pay for their flights, etc, as a "thank you" for looking after your son? If nothing else, offering to do so might help them realise how important their presence is.

You say it seems to be only you making the effort, but you are going to England to drop your son off anyway.......

Ive_A_Horse_Outside

Dont forget the cost for them staying in a hotel for the wknd (unless you have a big enough house to put everyone up in). It can be quite pricey for a party.

fayester

Hi Noodle,

I agree with you - this is really mean and hurtful and I'd be gutted if it were me. Ignore the person who says you are 'dropping off' your son as his grandparents will no doubt be delighted to spend two weeks with him when he doesn't live near them. Isn't it just sad that people have to think of themselves when something as nice as a marriage takes place, instead of saying 'Congrats, we wish you all the love and luck in the world' and celebrating in a way you prefer. It's not their wedding, it's yours. Do it your way, make sure your H2B knows you love him to bits, don't slag his family off to him, and have a wonderful wedding!! x

coolcait

Five years ago, you returned to your homeland, and your OH moved there to be with you. Both countries may be part of the UK, but that's still the situation.

It does make it difficult to arrange joint family events - it always ends up being easier for one family to attend.

In our case, we solved the problem by having two smaller parties - one in each country - rather than one big one.

Would that work for you? Presumably you'll be collecting your son from his grandparents in England on your way back from Cuba. Could you have a celebration there for your OH's family, rather than all of them having to travel to NI?