my almost 4 yo and new school.

morocha

we moved two weeks ago so dd started a new school, she was quite happy to start with, she was very outgoing, but now it is a bit reserved, a bit shy, the teacher asked if me dd has a hearing problem as she does not seem to follow orders, i told her no, but i will have it check with the doctors again.

I get this feeling that the teachers feel a bit overwhelmed by my very active 3.5 yo and are harsh on her, my Oh has dislexia and ADHD, my MIL says my DD is exactly as her daddy was when he was a child.

On Saturday my DD showed a "a little hurt" that a mean girl did to her, she pinched her with her nails, and it bled, it is little but by dd was upset over it all weekend. Today i took her to school and explained what happened, my DD went to the classroom and took her place, she seemes so shy and unsecure. my girl is usually a very outging child.

I went to pick her up and she seemed happy, i asked about her day today, and she said it was ok, some girl wanted to hurt her but she said, be careful with me, then we arrived home, and she saids some girl slapped her knee and her bottom, then kept getting things mixed up, i kept asking if it was true or she is telling me a story, i dont know what to do, as in this age they do tend to stretch the truth a bit... the teacher said this morning she was gonna try to find out what happened on friday and get back to me, but she did not talk to me today.

am i being to overprotective, my OH says i am... in the other hand my DD says how much she misses her old teacher and friends...

Anacrusis

Did your DD grow up with the other teachers and friends from being going to toddler groups + nusery etc? Maybe she's missing the security of being with people she knows?

A couple of ideas spring to mind, can you stay with your DD at school for a few days/couple of weeks, to help her get to know everybody? (The school might be pleased to get a free helper, because while you're there you'd be joining in etc). Or maybe your DD can have a few weeks off, and go to toddler groups with you instead, then you can both meet people in your area but your DD won't have to cope with being away from you *and* being in a completely new place full of new people at the same time. Even if there are only younger toddlers at the groups, some of them are bound to have older siblings, and maybe you can make contacts among the Mums to try to meet up with families in the afternoons, so that your DD can meet some of the children at her new school. If you're lucky you'll either meet Mums with children in your DD's school year, or Mums who know a Mum with a child in your DD's year. Also, if there's a park or playground near the school, go there after school finishing time with your DD and see if you can get chatting to some Mums/help your DD meet the children who look about the same age.

Anacrusis

Sorry, just realised I didn't say anything about whether your daughter might have been hurt or not - I think probably yes. The children are very young and (I'm presuming here so correct if I'm wrong) have three or less adults supervising a class of 20-30... if any of these children aren't having their needs met they're very likely to behave in a way that reflects that I think.

I was "lucky" when my children were this age, my son quietly put up with this sort of thing, and my daughter didn't have these sorts of things happen, her school year was made up mostly of friendly children who for the main part "clicked" and got on well together. If I ever have another child though I won't be sending them to school, unless they ask to go when they're 8+!

morocha

thank for the input, you gave me some ideas there, no, in her old school she was there for six months there were like 14 children ( we live in a rural area) and really nice kids, she loved it there,

in this school, there are around 10 children in her class( different age groups) or less, is a v. small school, and she goes in the afternoon, in the morning we go to the park and do things, on friday mornings there is a toddler group and we went last week the kids are really much younger than my DD, most parents take advantadge of the facility of paying a few pounds and the children stay in school all day... i only send my dd all day on mondays because she asked to go, she is the youngest in the school.

Anacrusis

That sounds like it'll be easier for your DD than I thought then, ten in a class is much better than 20-30! I hope it all works out for your DD

DianneB

She's 3.5 years old and goes to school??? I'd be tempted to keep her at home till the next school year starts.

peachyprice

Do you mean school, or the school nursery unit?
Sounds like the nursery to me if you don't have to send her all day.

She's had a lot of changes recently, she's moved house, she's moved away from her friends and she's the 'new girl' at school trying to fit in with those who have already established friendships, it's a lot to cope with.

If she's only 3.5 I'd be inclined to take her out until she has to attend in reception in the term before she is 5. It's likely that there will be other new starters then who will not have been to the nursery so she wouldn't be the only new girl.

gratefulforhelp_2

morocha wrote: »

we moved two weeks ago so dd started a new school, she was quite happy to start with, she was very outgoing, but now it is a bit reserved, a bit shy, the teacher asked if me dd has a hearing problem as she does not seem to follow orders, i told her no, but i will have it check with the doctors again.

Did the teacher say "orders"??? three and a half year olds don't follow orders, if one is very lucky they do as they are asked with lots of praise, but that's different.

I would get the GP to refer/re-refer you to ENT for a hearing test so you can rule that out.

There are conditions where the person hears the "order" but can't easily process it, linked with hearing and brain development, but I doubt one could diagnose that in a child of three and a half.

I get this feeling that the teachers feel a bit overwhelmed by my very active 3.5 yo and are harsh on her, my Oh has dislexia and ADHD, my MIL says my DD is exactly as her daddy was when he was a child.

Ask the teacher for an educational psychologist referral, they may say she is too young, but then she is also too young to be following orders.

On Saturday my DD showed a "a little hurt" that a mean girl did to her, she pinched her with her nails, and it bled, it is little but by dd was upset over it all weekend. Today i took her to school and explained what happened, my DD went to the classroom and took her place, she seemes so shy and unsecure. my girl is usually a very outging child.

I went to pick her up and she seemed happy, i asked about her day today, and she said it was ok, some girl wanted to hurt her but she said, be careful with me, then we arrived home, and she saids some girl slapped her knee and her bottom, then kept getting things mixed up, i kept asking if it was true or she is telling me a story, i dont know what to do, as in this age they do tend to stretch the truth a bit... the teacher said this morning she was gonna try to find out what happened on friday and get back to me, but she did not talk to me today.

You've got to believe her and ask the teacher to be more vigilant. This is not ok and is not a safe start in education.

am i being to overprotective, my OH says i am... in the other hand my DD says how much she misses her old teacher and friends...

Not at all overprotective, good on you for being concerned.

Is this nursery or school? You can defer the start of reception as has been said until the term in which she is 5. Also, there are various ways of staggering her school entry so that she doesn't have to do whole days straight away. Hard if you work full time, I know.