School (time off from) with heavy periods (menstruation)

Ian5

School is getting very annoyed about the amount of time that our daughter is having to take off school because of heavy periods. She is only 12 and is still learning how to cope with what seem to be very heavy periods.

We have seen her GP and tried out a couple of tablets and now have a referral to a Gynocologist, but school are being very hostile, have called in the EWO and are pressurising us to send her in saying that they will help her. We have talked to school and have ST's and extra clothing at school. Her GP has uselessly written to school and said that there is no medical reason why she should not be at school.

We think that it is wrong and abusive to send our child into school when she says that she can not cope and is too embarrised to ask for help. Should we force her to go to school or should we allow her to take time off whilst she is learning to cope? She has just been off school for 4 days having been in school on day 1 and at home on days 2, 3, 4 & 5. Back in school today (day 6).

Any thoughts on what we should do?

melancholly

what is she finding difficult? the practicalities of sanitary towels? is it that she's in pain and uncomfortable? is she just embarrassed about it all and wants to avoid being at school?

i obviously don't know how 'heavy' her periods are, but as a school child i had 10 day periods that were hideous. i think letting her avoid quite so many days of school, potentially for quite a few months, is a solution that makes sense. i can see why the school and the GP think this isn't sensible. she'll be having periods for a while now and it makes more sense to me for her to just realise that it's part of life and you can't put everything on hold when it happens. by allowing her to be off school you could be making it more of an issue.

Nicki

I don't think its sustainable for her to miss one week in every four of her schooling at this age to be honest.

What is the main problem? Is it that she needs to change pads very frequently (does she wear highest absorbency and how frequently does she need to change) or is she flooding unexpectedly. Is it a problem for every day of the period as most women have heavy and light days. How often does she "leak through" when she's at home? If she can manage things at home so she's not leaking, then she needs to follow the same regime at school, and school need to allow her to do so.

If she's genuinely flooding though and throughout the whole period not just on one day, then I am surprised the GP has written to the school to say there is no issue. No one would want to see a child humiliated like that on a regular basis. If it's a question that she is afraid of a small amount of leakage though, I think all young girls have this fear, and most women in their lives either at school or elsewhere in public will have had this happen to them to a greater or lesser extent, and it is something you have to learn to manage and to minimize the risk as its not an option to give up one week in four.

If it is definitely a medical issue though, could you arrange to see a gynaecologist privately if there is a long wait on the NHS? A one off consultation should not cost more than about £200, and your GP will be able to prescribe any medications on the NHS for free.

Elle7

The school will have to report her absenses, which could be why they are being funny. Also, this is likely to happen every month for a considerable amount of time, so they might think you need to get this sorted so she doesn't miss so much.

My sister struggled with very heavy periods too, and it took a while to get them under control. In the end, she used a heavy tampon, and had a sanitary towel on too. Mostly so that she wouldn't worry so much, because I don't think the tampon ever leaked. She took the feminine painkillers to school which are designed for this problem, and had a card to show any teachers that meant she could leave the lesson to go to the toilet whenever she needed too. They reasoned it was much better her going to the toilet as often as she needed then for her to miss the whole day entirely.

She also had heat patches in her bag to put on her stomach to soothe pain when she needed, and spare clothes. I'm sure there was other things she had, I'm trying to rack my brain...Could you try some of these for her? The doctor might also suggest using a contraceptive to lessen her periods, but we declined this for my sister (she was 9, far too young for them, but it was an option).

I hope this helps. I'll have a think and add anything else if that'd be helpful?

LucyLocket

I really sypathise with this. My DD aged 10 had this experience for the first time the weekend before her SATs started last year.

It was really hard to see her go into school to sit the tests knowing that despite having taught her how what to do and provided the wherewithal, she still might be exposed to discomfort and public humiliation when no family member was there to support her.

In DD's case it was made a little easier because there were no medical complications and also because still being in primary school, she was in the care of one, female teacher and trusted her enough to ask for help if a difficulty arose. Thankfully things seem have to have gone OK despite my misgivings.

Your daughter's problem is obviously more complex . I think it has to be decided if the 'heaviness' is within parameters that can be dealt with reasonably. If it can't be, then there is clearly a medical problem and hopefully the gynaecologist will be able to sort it out. In the mean time you can only keep lines of communication with the school open, emphasising that you are also anxious to improve attendance and are working towards a solution as rapidly as possible. If it can be then practical issues such as suitable pads, change of clothing, any necessary pain killers, possible arrangements for PE lessons / swimming etc will be important. However what also matters is emotional security. Puberty is an unsettling time. Secondary schools can be large and rather impersonal places. Would your DD feel she could cope better if she was to be met by a parent at breaks / lunch time to check she was OK ? Could this be transitioned to having a named member of support / admin staff build a relationship with DD so that she could go to the staff member if there was a problem?

Hope this issue gets better for your DD soon .

charlie792

I have to admit I was the exact same with school when I was younger... I was in such crippling pain with periods that I just wanted to die (I know it sounds a bit drastic) but honestly they were so bad I felt like I couldn't even stand up.

Is your daughter in pain too or is it just the heaviness of them?

Could it be something else like PE lessons etc that she's trying to avoid...I know for sure I always 'forgot my kit' for PE lessons when I was 'on'

If the periods are becoming that much of an issue, and to be honest I can really sympathize, then something really needs to be done....It might be worth considering contraceptives for example but obviously you and her would need to discuss this with the doctor to determine if this was suitable, but it might be worth thinking about, they've worked for me, its still painful but nowhere near as bad, nor as heavy and I run the packs back to back every 3 months so I only have a period 4 times a year which works so much better for me personally..

ERICS_MUM

This might seem silly, but could your daughter be worrying about using the school loos, for example if the ST disposal bin is out in the main toilet area rather than inside the cubicle, or if there aren't any of those paper disposal bags? Do her "friends" tease her about it, especially if they've not yet started their periods ?

I used to dread school loos for several reasons and ended up with terrible constipation (sorry TMI).

faithcecilia

I can understand you feeling for her, but I don't think it is actually helpful letting her have so much time off school for something that is, frustratingly, a part of life for us women. I am not unsympathetic as I have always had trouble myself - up to 18 days long, heavy, painful to the point of passing out, upset stomach, etc. Its as unpleasant at 31 as it was at 10, and I have never missed a days school or work (barring when I had surgery to try to help, which it didn't).

As a teen I would often have a hot water bottle at school, and painkillers and hot drinks etc at break - anything I knew could help - and at times I had this at work as an adult. Why not encourage her to try such things at school?

lostinrates

Another who sympathises. I have PCOS that wasn't diagnosed until in my twenties when ill with a serious condition. I get very cross thinking about how I was told I had to ''deal with it'' it was''natural'' and ''normal''. It wasn't and if taken seriously could at least have been tackled monthly with ain killers, dietary support, preparedness for heavy flow and kindness instead of feeling freakish I found a normal thing so hard to take in my stride.

BUT, even for those of us with problems have to find a way to cope and one week out of the month out of life is not going to be fulfilling for her, or work when she needs to get a job, even supposing she keeps up at school.

My suggestion is that, in preparing for the gynae appointment you take careful note of how she feels during the cycle (and acts, if she can watch tv/mobile phone etc its not a bad enough menstrual headache that she couldn't do some schoolwork). Its probable a cycle of worse days will become regular. If its always the second and third days, for example, she can be prepared with painkillers and just supported by you to make it through. If its found she has a ''problem'' then coping strategies will still need to be found. Its important to take this seriously but that doesn't mean opting out..it means finding out IF anything is complicating it and finding a way to cope.

Ian5

It is the flooding and amount that is the problem. For example she went to the GP early one morning for a blood test and whilst walking home, she flooded and went through the two STs pants and trousers. In December she texted home to say that she had unexpectedly come on, school would not me see her but took a bag of STs, wipes, etc. that I took to school. She spent the afternoon wearing blood-stained pants and trousers and was worried about leaving blood on her chairs.

Flooding is the problem, I (Dad) once saw blood trickling down her legs as she was going up to the bathroom. It's coping at school alone cleaning herself up with baby wipes, and asking the teachers to go to the toilet.

Nicki

I'd suggest, if you haven't already, having a formal meeting with the school to discuss how to manage this. She needs to have at the very least an emergency kit at school with clean pants and trousers and a supply of towels in case she comes on unexpectedly again. She also needs carte blanche to leave lessons to sort herself out at the first signs of trouble, without having to ask for permission and explain herself if she's finding that too embarrassing.

Flooding is far more distressing than just a heavy flow, but nonetheless she still needs to find a way to cope. She can't let this blight her whole life, and if she only attends school 3 weeks out of every 4 she's going to suffer academically and her opportunities in life will be limited as a result. Some ideas which might help - switching to maternity pads rather than sanitary towels, wearing more than one towel at once, wearing a tampon and a towel, wearing disposable Tena pants with a towel and a tampon. Whatever combo works she needs to change her protection very regularly, as if she floods into protection which she's been wearing for a few hours beforehand it won't be as absorbent (obviously!)

Would it be financially do-able to speed up the gynae opinion by a private referral? Things seem to have changed a bit since Con-Dem came in and its no longer the case that if you start off privately you can't switch back into the NHS. We were having an issue waiting for a paediatric neurology appointment and saw the consultant at our local hospital privately last month, and have an appointment in her NHS clinic next week for the follow up. We'd still be waiting to see her had we not accelerated the process.