Am I being laughed at or too sensitive?

nomuny

hi
just wanted to know what everyone thinks. I was going out with a friend the other week on a night out planned for ages but she said she couldn't afford to go.( I thought it was an excuse - her hubby earns a v. good wage and she's never seems to watch the pennies, having hair, nails done etc and she has told me in past that hubby doesn't like her going out without him and used to sulk when she did so she stopped going). She txted me other week asking how I was and told her truthfully that I was feeling very down, fed up of not going anywhere except walking dog and shopping. Since then no contact no asking how I am or anything, except when she is out with hubby, twice she has txted saying shes out what am I up to. She knows I don't go out and I feel at the least shes being insensitive and at most taking the pi55. Have always tried to be a good friend and when shes felt low or had any problems have shown concern, why does no one show me the same consideration. I have all but decided to give up on the friendship cos can't face feeling let down again, and concentrate on feeling better about myself. Is it me am I just no good at friendships or is she being thoughtless.

Lucy1973

nomuny wrote: »

hi
just wanted to know what everyone thinks. I was going out with a friend the other week on a night out planned for ages but she said she couldn't afford to go.( I thought it was an excuse - her hubby earns a v. good wage and she's never seems to watch the pennies, having hair, nails done etc and she has told me in past that hubby doesn't like her going out without him and used to sulk when she did so she stopped going). She txted me other week asking how I was and told her truthfully that I was feeling very down, fed up of not going anywhere except walking dog and shopping. Since then no contact no asking how I am or anything, except when she is out with hubby, twice she has txted saying shes out what am I up to. She knows I don't go out and I feel at the least shes being insensitive and at most taking the pi55. Have always tried to be a good friend and when shes felt low or had any problems have shown concern, why does no one show me the same consideration. I have all but decided to give up on the friendship cos can't face feeling let down again, and concentrate on feeling better about myself. Is it me am I just no good at friendships or is she being thoughtless.

Doesn't sound like she's a particularly good friend to me. A decent friend would at least ring you to see how you are. Also sounds like her control freak of a husband is having a lot to do with it:(

ontheroad_2

she's maybe being a bit insensitive, but i really don't think she's doing it on purpose or to take the mickey. When you have arranged going out together in the past, has it always been to bars/clubs etc, places you know her husband doesn't like her going without him? Could you suggest something else so you can meet up, like an evening shopping trip, cinema and lunch/tea, that kind of thing?

Enterprise_1701C

There must be times when she is home alone, and knows her husband is not going to turn up. Could you not ask her to let you know when one of these times comes up and have a good chat to find out what is going on. If I were in your shoes I would be a bit concerned about her, with a controlling husband like that she could be feeling pretty down herself!

MadameCholet

I think she's certainly guilty of being insensitive towards but (though it's no excuse) she may be struggling with issues of her own.

You never know what's going on behind closed doors for people and it may be she's absorbed by her own problems & issues if her husbands the possesive jealous type.

Becles

If she's texting you while she is out with hubby, maybe she's not having a very good time and is bored

If I was out and enjoying myself, it wouldn't cross my mind to stop what I was doing and text people.

jillymit

Just playing devils advocate here but maybe she feels bad, knows you're disappointed in her so is avoiding the situation.

Maybe her husband was being a bit difficult about her going at the time (you don't always know what goes on behind closed doors)

Could it be that she contacts you when she's out because she feels guilty about cancelling and you are on her mind?

If she's good fun normally give her the benefit of the doubt, look at it from her point of view.......
She had arranged a night out with a friend, hubby was being a pain in the backside about her going.
She cancelled on her friend for a quiet life at home and now every time she goes out anywhere she feel guilty about cancelling so texts her mate.
She knows her mate is fed up at the moment and a bit miffed at her so has done nothing in the hope it blows over.
Either that or she's a rubbish mate and you're better off out of it!
How about contacting her with an upbeat message suggesting a trip out?

Pixiechic

Maybe she is guilty of being a little insensitive but I don't think that she is laughing at you.

I think that you sound like you are very sensitive and take things personally. That is understandable when you have low self esteem.

My advice would be to not rely on this friend to do things with. Join a club, exercise class or book club or anything. Something that gets you out the house and interacting and meeting people. You will definately find others that warm to you and can make friends. Don't rely on this one friend to be your reason to get out of the house.

skint_chick

It gets harder to make friends when you're an adult, so I would do what Pixiechic said and check out evening classes in your area. I'm in the middle of a jewellery one everyone is roughly the same age as me and we now meet up outside of class for social stuff. What are you interested in outside of work etc? Craft classes are v popular (and I was completely hopeless when I first started) there's also meetup clubs - google meetup and your area - for all kinds of activities from walking to nights out. It does take a huge effort to put yourself out there and worry about people judging you for what you say/do if you're shy but it's worth it. When you're busy with classes and activites you won't have time to worry about what your friend is up to. I don't think she's laughing at you btw - she just seems a bit caught up in her own life and her hubby is maybe a bit jealous that she has friends to go out with?

nomuny

ontheroad-
When you have arranged going out together in the past, has it always been to bars/clubs etc, places you know her husband doesn't like her going without him?

Never really been out of an evening with her before - shes someone I met through meeting at school gates - its always me who asks her over for cuppa -she sometimes invites me n kids over in school hols she doesn't live in my village n theres no direct bus service to hers. It was her suggestion to go out for a meal n a drink not mine. If it is her hubby just wish she'd been honest with me!:(

Jane Blackford
If I were in your shoes I would be a bit concerned about her, with a controlling husband like that she could be feeling pretty down herself!

Shes only been married a few months though lived with him alot longer. Have voiced concerns about him but didn't want to go to far cos don't want her to think its just cos my OH is a bit like this and I'm not happy, that I want to cause trouble for her. She's confided in me in the past and I've given her my opinion so don't see why if it was him she couldn't have just said so.

Pixiechic
I think that you sound like you are very sensitive and take things personally. That is understandable when you have low self esteem.

My advice would be to not rely on this friend to do things with. Join a club, exercise class or book club or anything. Something that gets you out the house and interacting and meeting people. You will definately find others that warm to you and can make friends. Don't rely on this one friend to be your reason to get out of the house.


Yes all this is true but having not a lot of money can't afford to go to a weekly class and have looked through local papers, gumtree , yahoo and googled groups and as yet come up with nothing. Do attend a class but no friendships have come of it and have gone as far as I can go with it - it will finish in june with me having completed all exams that go with it. I was only talking with someone last week about how little there seems to be in our town in the way of evening classes etc and she agreed you need to go into the nearest city and with no car its not really an option. So unfortunately although I aim to carry on looking it doesn't seem to be happening

skint_chick

What about starting your own evening group? A book club so you can borrow books from the library or craft group so everyone can bring knitting/sewing/card making whatever they want to make. Or a skill swap where someone teaches you something in return for a skill you have.

Have you invited other mums from the school over? Maybe you should get your child to introduce you to his/her friends and then start talking to their parents about their plans for Easter hols etc - there are lots of things you can do for free and if they're bringing their child you could invite them in for a coffee and cake?