Friendship problem

smartpicture

I'm friends with two sisters, J and S, but now J is getting very jealous about my friendship with S and we've fallen out. I know it sounds petty and like we're still at school, but I would still appreciate advice on how to deal with it.

I'm been friends with J and her husband B for years. Recently my youngest went to Uni and I'm on my own for the first time. I still go out with J&B, but they have a busy family life too. I've been feeling a bit lonely and making efforts to get out and meet new girl friends to socialise with, and after bumping into J's single sister S, we've started going out regularly. J has been making constant digs and sarky comments about it, so today I tried to talk about it with her and we ending up having a row. She made it clear she doesn't like me seeing S, and I made it clear she doesn't get to choose my friends for me, and now we're not speaking. I'm not sure where to go from here.

McKneff

Just keep going out with your new friend, let the other one stew,
Your life cant be ruled by her and she just (like yu say) doesnt have the right to choose your friends.

Youre very likely seeing less of her and she is probably a little jealous but she has a husband and that's the difference.

Enjoy yourself and just let her get on with it. Her loss.

geri1965_2

Do the sisters get on? Is there any reason you can't invite J along when you go out with S? Then it's up to her if she wants to come or not, and if she doesn't then she can't blame you for excluding her.

In the short term I would let her stew.

somethingsgottogive

Personally I'm a totally different person with my friends than with my family, and I think that if I had a sister and my very close friend started spending a lot of time with her I'd be worrying about what might 'come out' and get back to the rest of my family, iyswim. I know it would make me worry, aswell, that any little tiff I had with one of them would lead to a tiff with both.

mountainofdebt

The other thing to consider is that is there anything about S that J doesn't want you to get caught up in?

smartpicture

geri1965 wrote: »

Do the sisters get on? Is there any reason you can't invite J along when you go out with S? Then it's up to her if she wants to come or not, and if she doesn't then she can't blame you for excluding her.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, they don't really get on very well and I suspect this is all childhood jealousies surfacing, and I'm stuck in the middle of it. J did ask why she wasn't invited along but the truth is it would just be uncomfortable. I'm happy to do things with just J too, although she's never once suggested we do something just the two of us, it's always with her husband along too.

somethingsgottogive wrote: »

Personally I'm a totally different person with my friends than with my family, and I think that if I had a sister and my very close friend started spending a lot of time with her I'd be worrying about what might 'come out' and get back to the rest of my family, iyswim. I know it would make me worry, aswell, that any little tiff I had with one of them would lead to a tiff with both.

I hadn't thought about this aspect, maybe that's part of it. Maybe she thinks we're spending all our time talking about her, but we really don't. I've tried reassuring J that it won't affect my friendship with her, but the truth is I have lots of interest with S that I don't share with J.

I feel like I'm being made to choose, when I'm happy to be friends with both of them.

smartpicture

mountainofdebt wrote: »

The other thing to consider is that is there anything about S that J doesn't want you to get caught up in?

I'm not sure what you mean by this?

mountainofdebt

smartpicture wrote: »

I'm not sure what you mean by this?

What I meant was does S take part in any activities that you aren't aware of but J does ?

By activities I mean those that may be morally suspect or illegal?

Pee

I get on really well with my sister and sometimes it can bother one or other of us when we get on well with one another's friends. It's very silly as no friend can compete with a sister but i think with family members it's easy to regress to childhood even if you normally deal with matters like an adult. No help at all there, sorry, but it sounds like the single sister is the better friend to you at the moment, just through circumstances, and that is worth bearing in mind.