DNA results???

RedSky

pooches wrote: »

And where does my hubby stand with having his rights taken away as he hasn't known of this child for 13 years?

Being made financially responsible (even though it is for a situation he was not previously aware of) does not mean he will automatically become parentally responsible. It will be a personal decision to make contact and pursue either in or out of court.

pooches wrote: »

Why does she get so long we thought it was all done with because we hadn't heard anything for so long

One side of the coin says the system gives a child and PWC the right to pursue what is due while the other side of the coin says the NRP could be avoiding responsibility. One of them is therefore given a motivational time restraint whether they are purposely avoiding the inevitable or not.

sjc3

Oh my goodness what an awful shock for all of you OP.

Firstly I think it is awful that your husband was not made aware of this childs existence, till now. The mother must have known or had a good idea of who the father was when she was pregnant.

As you quite rightly point out OP if you had of known about another child then it may have effected all kinds of decisions you have made about your own family and where you live etc.

I am all for fathers supporting their children but to suddenly drop on someone after 12 years, that they have a child and expect them to give money is well out of order. Your poor husband is now left knowing he has another child that he has never got to see or know. Very hard I would imagine for a good dad to get his head around. Dont quite get why the mother and child left is so long to take the dna test. Talk about leaving you all in limbo.

Your husbands ex sounds like a right mind-game player. I feel so sorry for you all.

anguk

What a shock for you all! With regards to contact I'd say that was up to the child, they're 12/13 now so old enough to make that decision, even if your OH wants contact if the child doesn't you'll have to respect that.

Also keep in mind the child may have been told anything about their father, the mother could have said he abandoned them or wanted nothing to do with them. The child may still not know who their father is.

It makes you wonder why on earth the mother has waited this long? The only thing I can think of is her circumstances have changed and she now needs child support, or maybe she's been in a relationship that's now ended?

It's an awful situation to find yourselves in after all this time, good luck.

pooches

Thank you all for your kind words!

The mother did live in the same town but has moved to the next town. I have found out that she has 5 children by 4 fathers and the last were twins :-O And that she has previously had 2 other dna tests done to find out the father of this child. One of them believed he was the father and has been paying directly to the mother!?! I feel so sorry for the child but also for my hubby and as it was before we met i would have not shunned the child from our family which i now feel will be difficult

kelloggs36

What a shock for you. From a practical point of view, there won't be huge arrears as the case is not very old. What will happen is that he will be assessed on his net wage, less 25% for your 3 children, and he will be charge 15% of the remaining 75% of his net income - this will include any child tax credits you get, and if he is the higher earner and you get working tax credits, they will also be included. Personally I would now try to seek contact with the child - but you need to be prepared for both the financial costs of this and the emotional implications; so he would need to seek legal advice as this would impact on both yours and the child's lives. It is very sad that your hubby has been denied the chance to get to know his other child until now. You don't know what her circumstances were - perhaps she didn't want to upset him by asking for money, but she may be in a different situation now where she needs to, or she may have decided that since the change in law, that if she was on benefits, she will get lots of money from all the other fathers! Best not to judge or feel bitter, channel your energies into what is right for your family. I wish you all the best xx

monicaj

OP, this is as shocking a tale as ours (only ours was the reverse - Hubby believed a child to be his for 10 years and contibuted financially only to find he was not the biological father). This was around 2 years ago and even though we have come to terms with it, it will always be painful. All contact was cut and we haven't seen him since and we are still grieving.

I don't think anyone can advise your husband what to do, suffice to say that my husband found counselling hugely beneficial throughout the process, as well as my 100% support. In our situation, we felt everything was out of control and we were on an emotional rollercoaster for a very long time - it has become a little easier. In terms of how it affects your other children, we have always been honest with ours and are always open to discussing things if they feel the need.

It's going to be very tough for you as a family and the child, but I do hope you are strong enough as a couple to work through this together.

Please make sure you take care of yourself in all this
Monica

kezzygirl

What a horrible situation.some women are pure evil.12years...2 dna tests by two different men and she has struck it lucky third time?Thank god they dont have to back date the maintenance from birth.My thoughts are with you.How does hubby feel about meeting the child after all this time?

RAS

pooches wrote: »

And that she has previously had 2 other dna tests done to find out the father of this child. One of them believed he was the father and has been paying directly to the mother!?!

I am going to guess that since she stopped getting money from the poor soul who was coughing up, she has been working through the list of possible fathers one by one?