I just don't get it - parents + money

bluenoseam

pigpen wrote: »

swap you!?

My mother comes round with a bailiffs letter and a bill for £590... from a parking ticket unpaid from April.... Muppet here gets to pay that. how much have I had back? .. not a brass farthing.

I bought 90% of the christmas presents from her to my children

And she owes £700 on MY credit card.. another saga...

She is clueless when it comes to money.. I offer to help.. she blubbers on me says I shouldn't have to yadayada... and does not a thing about it...

So when she rang last week.. couldn't find £125 I aid 'oh' .... not what she was expecting

Can't help but feel i know this story....

pigpen

bluenoseam wrote: »

Can't help but feel i know this story....

You know what annoys me most?

I say no to everything and everyone.. and she comes round.. daft mare 'yeah of course' .. with the bailiff thing she didn't even ask I just handed over my bankcard.. !!!!!!?!?!

She only has herself my stepdad 5 dogs and a cat to look after..

I need my head read I'm sure!

Jinx

pigpen wrote: »

You know what annoys me most?

I say no to everything and everyone.. and she comes round.. daft mare 'yeah of course' .. with the bailiff thing she didn't even ask I just handed over my bankcard.. !!!!!!?!?!

She only has herself my stepdad 5 dogs and a cat to look after..

I need my head read I'm sure!

In fairness, Id have done the same!!!!!!! I dote on my mum and hate that shes not in good financial shape - it gets her down at times. She cant go down the DMP route though due to her job; I dont think her debts are going down any. :(:(

bluenoseam

See with mine it's more the fact she took forever and a day to realise the trouble she was in, now thankfully working on a DMP but only after i'd laid down the law & spelt out in minute detail exactly what i've spent on helping bail her out and the fact that she's the reason she's still paying rent, i'd offered to buy the house (i still live at home) after my grandmother died. Only took her 3 years to realise i was right, all i can say is just to make your mind up & stick by it, i know that there's 1 way i'm getting the money i've "loaned" her back (i don't consider the council tax i've paid for several years to be payable - i think that's relatively fair) and it's unfortunately by reclaiming it from any inheritence she gets from my other Gran!

As for the reason i did it, well, i am the man of the family - i guess it took until i got my own backside kicked hard before i realised how much of a mistake i'd made!

red_devil

Mine are the opposite. They are now comfortably off but dont spend anything. They never splash out and have the basics of everything. They dont have computers dad goes to the library. They have an old 28 inch tv and video still. The kitchen and bathroom in the house are really old and have never really been modernised. The car is a basic model and they dont change cars very often or have anything luxurious.

I think they are missing out sometimes and could live more to their situation and treat themselves now and again. They arent that way though and arent likely to change now.

sillygoose

My parents were like the ops. Mine would go round and round the shops, argue, buy the most uncomfortable bit of furniture in the country, then be looking to change it a few weeks later.

I worked it out in the end, they were unhappy and unfulfilled, 'retail therapy' gave them a buzz (the store card companies have got fat on this phenomena for years as they provide an easy way to a quick fix)

Sadly its a 'high' thats short lived, how many of us have got a load of stuff in the loft that seemed like a good idea at the time? Its enjoyable to shop, to be persuaded by the adverts its something great and to arrive home with a smart box of whatever.

I don't have the answer, after downsizing the house my parents got too ill to finish spending it all, it was their money after all, best I could do was steer them to making good value buys and not get done.

pigpen

red_devil wrote: »

Mine are the opposite. They are now comfortably off but dont spend anything. They never splash out and have the basics of everything. They dont have computers dad goes to the library. They have an old 28 inch tv and video still. The kitchen and bathroom in the house are really old and have never really been modernised. The car is a basic model and they dont change cars very often or have anything luxurious.

I think they are missing out sometimes and could live more to their situation and treat themselves now and again. They arent that way though and arent likely to change now.

They are missing out.. if they were ever infirm and needed a place in a nursing home all their hard earned cash would go on that.. they should enjoy their money while they have the health to do so.. My gran likes to keep reminding us 'I can't take it with me when I go so I'll spend my money on you lot and see you happy' ... she buys me haribo.. I'm not talking her out of it!

heretolearn_2

I know someone like this. One the one hand, it is their money to spend as they like, but on the other hand people like this shouldn't then moan about being broke.

A friend has a dad like this. You could give this man a million pounds, he'd spend 999,999, then turn round and moan he's broke as he only has £1 to his name! My friend asked for help, just a bit, when he went to university and wasn't impressed when dad said 'oh I'd love to help but can't afford to, I have no money' while at the same time going on expensive holidays and buying a brand new jeep. He was right, he didn't have any 'spare' cash - but he'd spent it on luxuries. His choice, but be honest and say 'no, I'd rather have a couple of holidays and a new car than help you' than try to plead poverty! this really annoyed my friend and he's not really trusted his dad since, he knows what the man's priorities are now.

shellsuit

Are you sure they haven't 'bought' all the gadgets with credit?

Would explain why they couldn't lend you some cash but managed to get a couple of laptops.

Any

I know exactly what you mean, we have the same problem with our parents too.

Someone might say don't worry about it, but you don't want to see your parents live in a !!!! hole (which is what happened to our mum) and so you fork out and help.

Not that she ever appreciated it. Bought a car from a car loan shark company next, it died before it was paid off (because it was !!!! car too)... While we paid the mortgage.

We now also tell her we don't have any money..