maintenance pay

Justine_pinkpuss

Have been divorced for over 8 years, and have have 3 children with my ex-husband, aged 12,14 & 18. My ex re-married 2 years after we seperated, and i live with my boyfriend and our 4 year old.

From about 6 months after the split my ex always had the kids regularly on a rotation due to his shifts. (Eg: Sunday 6pm to Tuesday 6pm, following week would be Sat 6pm to Monday 6pm etc etc) and was paying £125 per month per child.

All of a sudden in November 2010 he sends me a text to say that he will be having the kids for an extra night. When i ask why (as the arrangement has been fine all this time) he says that his shifts have changed, but then adds that as this will then be an equal 50/50 split, he will no longer need to pay me any maintenance.

I was totally shocked, as i had no idea that he was considering this option at all. I told him that i didnt think this had anything to do with spending more time with the children, and that it was all about getting back his money. He confirmed this by saying "Its my money why shouldnt have it!

I only work part-time and the maintenance payments enable me to provide the clothing, food and all the other things that children need. A week or 2 after his announcement, i discovered that i was going to be made redundant (i will be unemployed as of 31/03/11), after various conversations he decided that he would reduce the payment by half as of the 01/01/11 (which is what he has done).

Last month i had a letter from the child benefit department to advise me that my ex had made a claim for the child benefit that i receive and the payments had been stopped. I was again shocked, he had not spoken to me about this at all!! When i asked him about he originally denied making the claim, but confirmed he had when i told him i had already spoken to the benefit dept. He later withdrew his claim but not before they had stopped the benefit for 2 weeks.

So my current position is that i will b unemployed by the end of the month, the maintenance payment is now £176 per month. I earn £8,300 per year. I have accepted all these changes as i am under the impression i dont have any choice.

However this morning he has texted me to say that my daughter needs new shoes (my daughter and i have had the new shoes conversation and will be getting them shortly - they are not urgently needed) and when am i going to buy them? I told him "when i can afford them". He then says that he will buy them and take the money from my next maintenance payment. Can he do this?

He also says that i am classed as the primary carer and therefore i have to provide all the clothing etc that the children need, is this true?

I have given such a lengthy back story so that a basic history can be seen. I am at a loss as to what to do. I am tempted to just make official arrangements thru a solicitor but am really not sure what to do. Any advice is appreciated

mrs_marty

Is it a private arrangement or CSA? As I wouldn't have thought this to be right and I would taking it up with the CSA or your solicitor. Hope you get something sorted

rachbc

A deduction in maintenance made for every night the children stay with the NRP - but having them half the time won't mean no payments at all. Check the csa calculator and see what he should be paying.

There are no rules about who should pay for what though - my ex only keeps socks and pants for ds at his house and ds takes the rest of his clothes with him. However if ex did buy something for him I would not expect that payments would be reduced accordingly. The cheeky b'td did try and give me a list telling me I had to buy specific things for ds to take on their holiday and I told him no certain terms that that would not be happening

welshmoneylover

Dont forget to notify the CTC/WTC department of any change to your circumstances.

iwanttosavemoney2008

As previously posted he can't do that unless there is a court order in place, which from the sounds of it there isn't. Check the CSA calc and tell tax credits everything that has changed, cheeky sod trying to get the child benefits from you.

gratefulforhelp_2

This is a massive pi$$ take by your ex. Post this on the benefits board under child support and you will get the advice you need there.

Meantime don't sign anything or agree to anything.

DX2

Justine_pinkpuss wrote: »

He also says that i am classed as the primary carer and therefore i have to provide all the clothing etc that the children need, is this true?

Legally yes, morally well that's another story.
You get the child benefit and the child tax credits and he pay's child support these are paid for the benefit of the children.

If you go via the CSA the NRP will get a reduction on the amount of child support he pay's when the children stay overnight with him, £125 per month per child was actually quiet a lot of money can one assume he is/was getting a good salary?

RAS

Justine_pinkpuss wrote: »

He also says that i am classed as the primary carer and therefore i have to provide all the clothing etc that the children need, is this true?

If he said that in a text, please keep it as it is important.

Justine, where have you been hiding all these years? These arrangements which you just put up with irrespective of the legal situation?

If you are the primary carer, then you get the Child Benefit.

If he gets the Child Benefit, he can stop paying maintenance altogether and claim it from you. Are you aware of this?

You need to wise up fast.

1. The PWC/primary carer get Child Benefit and on the basis of that all other benefits.

2. The NRP pays maintenance - 25% of their salary for three children. This is reduced by a proportion if the children stay overnight more than 52 nights with the NRP. So if he has them 2 nights per week, the reduction is 2/7ths, etc.

3. As the primary carer you are responible for buying their clothes, keeping the roof over their heads etc.

4. But if he is essentially looking at shared care, then his maintenance is reduced massively, so I would argue he should be buying some fo the clothing. And he should be paying for everything thay need whilst with him (toothpaste, sanitary stuff, packed lunches, after school activities) on the days they are with him.

Is there a court order? if so enforce it, otherwise you need to do a calculation of the amount you would get from the CSA and then use that as the basis of discussions.

Make it plain that if there are any more antics, you will go to the CSA.

Percy1983

By all means I do think the system is very one sided and if care is split 50/50 and other costs are split why should any money change hands?

But that is my thought on the current system, right now you should follow the channels mentioned above and see how far you get.

clearingout

Percy1983 wrote: »

By all means I do think the system is very one sided and if care is split 50/50 and other costs are split why should any money change hands?.

there are lots of arguments why no money should exchange hands in these situations and for the most part, I agree with them. Disparity in household income is a major issue to contend with. But the major one, as someone who once had a shared care arrangement, is dealing with doctors appointments (routine or otherwise), demands from school to take a child out as they are ills and other unexpected issues that arise. If these are to be split 50/50 as well, fine. But in my case, my ex expected me to pick up from school in an emergency (including 'his' days) or take the children to the doctors if ill on his time. He even once took a holiday at 3 days notice for a couple of weeks, without arranging any childcare on 'his' time, leaving me high and dry in terms of childcare and my ability to work. As I was self-employed, I lost income worth about £750 to my household during that time period. I digress from the original topic (OP - you seriously need to wise up as RAS says), but important points to make in this context, I think.

kelloggs36

Do you know how much he earns?