I know I've been stupid but please help!

clueless24

Couldn't read and run so just wanted to say that although today is a bad day tomorrow could be different it's up to you,
Tackle things individually sort one thing at a time day by day.I agree with other postings you need to get rid he is using you, But you know that yourself. You will be amazed at how much strength you will get from sorting things out when he is not around, after all you wont want him to see you fall to pieces will you. It will make you stronger. So one thing at a time, You now have all the lovely people on here for support and advice, you have taken the first step by pouring your heart out, now it's time to sort things out. Good Luck big hug x

cyclura

how awful for you, a relationship should be a partnership but all I am reading is one person living the high life on the expenses (finanacial and mental) of another. Baby steps is the way to go, start removing him financially, little things first its a boost you need. Warn him you are doing it but cancel the car insurance and tell him to get his own (his car his problem), cancel the phone contract (dont warn him about this one as he sounds like the kind of person that might run up a huge bill to spite you from what you have said in your posts). If the loans are in his name get him to pay for it, again its his problem and you are not linked to them at all (unless they are secured on your house) so he will be the one getting chased for repayment not you.

Cut him out of your busines or employ him as an employee so he cannot try to bite you with that.

You can do this, as an accountant you are used to going through figures and sorting out problems, think of this as a tricky job and just work your way though it with a fine tooth comb.............if you need to scream, rant, let off steam just come on here, we have all been in a tough spot and will help/support you.

Snugglebunny8

Im sending you a cyber hug as Im guessing you need one and didnt want to read and run.

The house is yours right? I agree with what everyone else has said, baby steps, cut him off one thing at a time and get him out of your house, you dont deserve to be used like this.

Great idea to have local schoolchild or maybe somebody elderly etc to walk the dogs in the daytime? most school kids would do it for pocket money or you may be able to swap dog walking for doing the shopping, gardening etc for somebody elderly etc?

If you were able to sub let the business it would take some weight off your shoulders.

I know it is easy for people to look on and say 'oh kick him out' etc, and in reality these things are never as simple as that, but it sounds like emotionally you have already withdrawn from him and quite rightly so too, it's just a case of removing him. I hope your family will support you if you ask for their help practically in getting him out of your house, hopefully if it is causing arguments with your family they will be pleased to see you getting away from him and will help.

In the meantime let off steam here if you need to and good luck, keep us postd and all the best xx

barbarawright

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/1878517

amandakins

you poor thing, you must be going through the mill at the moment.

As you've got a 2 bedroom house, cant you rent out one of the bedrooms to a friend or professional like yourself(somebody you trust of course). If you do split up with o/h it might be easier knowing you wouldnt be home alone after work, and also have the extra income to rely on? If they were a dog lover they could help out with your dogs too?

I think you would have to inform your mortgage company though if you did.

Keep us all updated with how you;re doing as we'd all love to hear you're doing ok

slummymummyof3

With regards to the hair salon - have you thought about renting chairs to outside hairdressers? They pay you a rental price for the chair/facilities and are self-employed so you don't have to pay them etc. Is there a section that could be made into a beauty area - again on a rental to a self-employed beautician/nail tech. You could advertise this in the salon window and/or local paper, maybe even the notice board in your salon suppliers???? This may well help with covering the rental costs you have to find on the salon.

What line of employment does your OH have in the salon?

Snugglebunny8

ps sorry I also meant to say that I don't think you have been stupid at all, we have all been in a situation where we have trusted people only to find out they didnt deserve our trust, it's happened to me more than once! but it isnt stupidity hun.

Also looking for a way to sort the situation out is courageous, it's far easier to buy your head in the sand and you've not done that xx

Snugglebunny8

slummymummyof3 wrote: »

With regards to the hair salon - have you thought about renting chairs to outside hairdressers? They pay you a rental price for the chair/facilities and are self-employed so you don't have to pay them etc. Is there a section that could be made into a beauty area - again on a rental to a self-employed beautician/nail tech. You could advertise this in the salon window and/or local paper, maybe even the notice board in your salon suppliers???? This may well help with covering the rental costs you have to find on the salon.

What line of employment does your OH have in the salon?

fantastic ideas there!:T

sickasachip13

Oh dear, it sounds like your OH is more of a burden than my teenage son! Honestly it sounds like he's taking the mickey out of you, intentionally or not, but hey don't beat yourself up about it - it's easy to be wise in hindsight

You've got some tough decisions to make. Some of the others will have much better financial advice than me and there's some great ideas above.

All I would say is if you're staying in a relationship mainly because you're scared of losing the family pets, then this relationship sounds dead in the water. I'm sure you'd manage your dogs on your own - you'd be able to afford a walker to come and get your dogs during the day, if that's the problem.

The very best of luck with it all - sometimes the best decisions are the hardest to make!

CH27

slummymummyof3 wrote: »

With regards to the hair salon - have you thought about renting chairs to outside hairdressers? They pay you a rental price for the chair/facilities and are self-employed so you don't have to pay them etc. Is there a section that could be made into a beauty area - again on a rental to a self-employed beautician/nail tech. You could advertise this in the salon window and/or local paper, maybe even the notice board in your salon suppliers???? This may well help with covering the rental costs you have to find on the salon.

What line of employment does your OH have in the salon?

Great ideas:T