The future!

charlie792

I always used to feel the need to plan everything well in advance and have some idea of my future, but ever since I met OH Ive ended up totally going along with the flow because the way things have panned out......

Ever since we first met everything changed, within 2 months we were serious about each other but lived miles apart so made seeing each other difficult. I made a spur of the moment decision to quit my job and move to go to the uni he was studying at - mad as we'd been together such little time and I had no idea if it would last....

We've been together almost 3 years now and living together the last 7 months since he graduated and got a job.
Everything in our relationship has been so unorganized even us moving in together, although we briefly discussed it, it was never a serious conversation, and it wasn't until he'd already left uni and had to move back home that after a month he one day just said 'lets get a place together'...
2 months later we had our own flat, our own furniture and everything had fallen into place...

The trouble is now is when my uncertainties about the future begin, I finish uni in less than 3 months, and firstly money is a real concern, I cant claim JSA as he earns too much so job hunting for me is a real priority.

Our tenancy agreement has just run out on our flat, we've not renewed but are now on a rolling contract - so this is just adding to my worries about the future.

We've never had a proper conversation about 'us' and our future, heck Ive no idea if Im even in it!

OH's job contract ends in August and although his boss has made it clear he will keep him on - theres always the uncertainty he won't, but OH doesn't want to stay anyway and is going to be looking at new jobs over the coming months.
Me and OH both know where we currently live is no good for either of us, little opportunity etc and we'd both like to move elsewhere but OH has said he'll be applying for jobs anywhere he can find them, which could result in him going anywhere, now Ive no idea if he expects me to come too, Id be more than happy if he did but again its just something we've never talked about....

Last night he was talking about applying for jobs in London, and I said I don't think Id like to live there and he said 'well we could live there for a couple of years and come back' - but again it was never a serious conversation and I don't know if he really meant 'we' or him....

All the conversations we've ever had about the future have never been in-depth, they're just ones we've had over a pint at the pub etc, I know he has no intention on getting married or engaged for a good few years yet as he thinks 'this age is far too young' as he put it, likewise he's in no rush buy a house as he wants to have a settled life beforehand, but I suppose Id just like to know if Im in his plans!

Ive always been a bit of a pessimist and worry about everything, but things lately have made me so worried about the future that Im totally freaking out

pigpen

Ask him...

'where do I fit in your plans?'

But first of all ask yourself where do you want to feature in his plans??

Do you want to spend forever with him?
Do you see yourself with his children?

If you do want to stay together I'd wait until he found a new job and then find one yourself in the sameish area...

Sit him down and tell him you feel this way and need some stability and to know where you are both heading as you feel like you are being pulled along not helping carve a path

Apricot

Sounds to me like you are overthinking things. If he didn't want you in his future surely he would just end things now? Saying "we could live there for a couple of years" sounds like you are included in his thinking - if he had only meant himself he would have said "well I don't mind living in London" or something like that.
Relax!

January20

I agree with the previous poster. You are over-thinking it and I picked up on the same phrase as your partner used "we" and not "I".

Incidentally, why don't you just ask him? You have been together 3 years so surely that counts for something? And means you can tackle "difficult" topics?

Not every decision in life has to be made after an in-depth conversation. Going with the flow can be fun too

Tish_P

I don't think there's a way for you to find this out that doesn't involve asking him! Going with the flow is great when you're both happy with it, but if you're worried, you're not currently happy with it. Tell him what you just told us.

Amanda65

On the basis that you appear to have just gone along with whats happening before he probably doesn't realise that there's a problem!

Unless you sit down and talk how will either of you know? He may be wondering if he features in your future and throwing 'we' into the conversation to see if you react.

As you've been together for 3 years now I think you are entitled to have some idea of each others futures. Why not use the fact that you are coming to the end of your degree and work as a starting point and see where it goes. You have to have some idea where you're heading or how can you move forward?

jackieglasgow

I am not being flippant, but want you to think about this. You let him put bits of his body inside yours; is asking him a question about your life really that difficult? I am always amazed that people can be physically intimate with one another, but "too scared" to ask important questions.

emerald21

jackieglasgow wrote: »

I am not being flippant, but want you to think about this. You let him put bits of his body inside yours; is asking him a question about your life really that difficult? I am always amazed that people can be physically intimate with one another, but "too scared" to ask important questions.

I was thinking just the exact same thing. Its ridiculous :)

property.advert

If you need to move, go to London or wherever together and see if it works out. It might or it may prove to be just another uni relationship which doesn't work back in the real world.