New kitten help please *update*

gingin_2

After years of deliberating we got a new kitten 10 days ago. She's gorgeous, 9 1/2 weeks old, beautiful nature, eats a huge amount and uses her litter tray beautifully.

We have a 3 1/2 year old neutered male cat. He is HUGE, one of the largest domestic breeds and is still, after a week of being introduced, stalking and fighting with her. There is not a minute of them being together that he will not leave her alone. He is really rough with her and I am finding it so stressful watching her being bullied around. If I leave them alone, it gets worse. Her head can be literally drooping with tiredness and he still wants to fight with her.

I've had feliway plugged in for a week before we got her, I have made a fuss of him ( although he is really "off" with me at the moment) I kept them apart for 2 days when we initially got her and gradually tried to introduce scents but nothing is working.

Please give me some help and reassurance!

timbo58

I am afraid it'll just take time, cats need to share territory and so esp a male cat will be very put out, try to seperate them if possible to allow the new kitten some time on her own too.

gingin_2

I'm worried I am seperating them too much. OH says let them fight it out but male cat won't leave her alone regsrdless of whether she is eating, sleeping, or using the litter tray. They are apart at night and when she is sleeping in the day, which is a lot.

antw23uk

This is a difficult one and ideally you would have got a little boy. Boys tend to rough and tumble, maybe fall out for a minute or two and then make up. Girsl tend to be less rough and tumble and they hold grudges more.

Does your tom go outside? Could he be burning off more energy outside during the day?
Interaction play will also help, you can wear him out more with toys so he will go less rough on the girly but generally speaking you will just have to let them sort it out between them and keep time together for the first few months as supervised. Good luck.

stayinganonymous

gingin wrote: »

I'm worried I am seperating them too much. OH says let them fight it out but male cat won't leave her alone regsrdless of whether she is eating, sleeping, or using the litter tray. They are apart at night and when she is sleeping in the day, which is a lot.

Sounds alot like my male cat, although my two are brother and sister and been together since birth. I got them at 12 weeks old and they are both neutered. After having them for about a year, my male like yours started to attack her, when she eats, sleeps and uses the litter tray. All this caused my female to become very frightened, stressed and depressed. Since then I have to keep a constant eye on them if they are together now to make sure he doesn't pick on her or I keep them seperate - it really isn't ideal and in a way isn't fair on them or us, but I wasn't prepared to give a way a cat I had had a year and grown VERY fond of, I'm sure it would have broke their hearts too - Ragdolls are very clingy. My male is 18 lbs and female is 12 lbs, so quite a weight difference and if I 'left them to fight' he would do damage to her. My male isn’t playing either, he’s just being a nasty bully and is extremely jealous of his sister.

It could settle down, but like you say you shouldn't have to keep them apart as that might make things worse and you want them to get used to each other, but if you keep them together you're upset at him picking on her... I can totally relate and feel for you.

I wish I could offer more advice, but I have tried everything with my two and nothing has worked so far (they are now nearly 5 years old). I hope it wont be the case and with your perseverance it will work out, but if not you might in the end have to accept that he wont accept the new kitten and have to give her back to the breeder or find her a new home.

Good luck!

gingin_2

stayinganonymous wrote: »

Sounds alot like my male cat, although my two are brother and sister and been together since birth. I got them at 12 weeks old and they are both neutered. After having them for about a year, my male like yours started to attack her, when she eats, sleeps and uses the litter tray. All this caused my female to become very frightened, stressed and depressed. Since then I have to keep a constant eye on them if they are together now to make sure he doesn't pick on her or I keep them seperate - it really isn't ideal and in a way isn't fair on them or us, but I wasn't prepared to give a way a cat I had had a year and grown VERY fond of, I'm sure it would have broke their hearts too - Ragdolls are very clingy. My male is 18 lbs and female is 12 lbs, so quite a weight difference and if I 'left them to fight' he would do damage to her. My male isn’t playing either, he’s just being a nasty bully and is extremely jealous of his sister.

It could settle down, but like you say you shouldn't have to keep them apart as that might make things worse and you want them to get used to each other, but if you keep them together you're upset at him picking on her... I can totally relate and feel for you.

I wish I could offer more advice, but I have tried everything with my two and nothing has worked so far (they are now nearly 5 years old). I hope it wont be the case, but you might in the end have to accept that he wont accept the new kitten and have to give her back to the breeder or find her a new home.

Good luck!

Oh no! Mine are Ragdolls, too. I couldn't contemplate giving her back, my dd adores her. The boy is always so laid back, he's been such an easy cat that getting another seemed like a good idea. We rehomed him at 18 months so never went through the kitten phase with him and were told that the best chance of success in them getting on was to get a female kitten, then he would feel less threatened.

He doesn't want to play at the moment, but did sit on my lap when they were seperated yesterday, which was an improvement. He has access to outdoors but only wants to go out for 10 minutes or so.

juliebunny

You really should separate them when you are not around. Your cat could seriously damage the wee kitten.

At least you are responsible enough to see that there is a problem and want to deal with it.

This is really a common problem, I've heard it loads -I foster and re-home kittens and we won't put kittens too far apart in size together for this exact reason. Have you thought about a puppy pen for the kitten for a few hours a day so the big cat can get used to it but not be able to hurt it?

gingin_2

juliebunny wrote: »

You really should separate them when you are not around. Your cat could seriously damage the wee kitten.

At least you are responsible enough to see that there is a problem and want to deal with it.

This is really a common problem, I've heard it loads -I foster and re-home kittens and we won't put kittens too far apart in size together for this exact reason. Have you thought about a puppy pen for the kitten for a few hours a day so the big cat can get used to it but not be able to hurt it?

They are never alone together, I am literally the other side of the room, keeping an eye from a distance. Any time I go out, or they are sleeping, they are apart.

juliebunny

Well I guess the kitten will grow pretty fast and be able to stick up for him/herself. At least your other cat seems to like the new arrival....?

Could you try distracting the big cat with lots of playtime? Is he allowed out?

gingin_2

juliebunny wrote: »

Well I guess the kitten will grow pretty fast and be able to stick up for him/herself. At least your other cat seems to like the new arrival....?

Could you try distracting the big cat with lots of playtime? Is he allowed out?

He's allowed out in our garden but isn't really interested. He's out there now but is at the door wanting to come in. He doesn't want to play when she is around.

He doesn't hiss or growl at her but seems to obsess over her and he is too rough. She is teasing him too by running up to him, which doesn't help.

Byatt

Just to give you a bit of hope, although my cats weren't ragdolls, I did have a tom cat who was very dominant and then got 2 kittens. He was most put out and would dive on them at first. I always stopped him, and did make a fuss of him separately. Eventually, they were all best friends, and he would curl up with them in their basket although he was much bigger. Plus he started to groom them, which he and they loved.