Ten years marriage,separation...she's offered me £10,00 to leave...where do I stand?

evoke

OP: don't let her walk all over you. Sadly, the law favours women so you're going to be up against it, but fight with all your might. Good luck!

joolsybools

Get legal advice asap, lots of solicitors offer the first hour free.

gauly

There is no way of judging if this is a good or bad offer without a lot more information. For example, if a lot more was contributed to your pension than her's in the past 10 years (as is often the case) then it could be your pension is worth a lot more than the equity in the house and this is a fantastic deal for you. There could be other assets like cars, etc. You do need professional help here.

Everything else being equal, you could say she bought 30/71st of the house orginally (so now she owns £80k outright). The equity is £110k-£52k = £58k (minus fees etc) to be shared. Since you've been married for 10 years this will have no bearing legally but does sound fair.

bristol_pilot

If you leave the house, she will get to keep the property for sure and you may not see your son again for several years...not until he is grown up anyway. She wants you out so that she can show to a court a 'new status quo' (without you in it) that is a stable home for the kids. As far as UK courts are concerned, a man is no more than an ATM on free vend, set up to keep ladies in the lifestyle to which they would like to become accustomed. Kick up a fuss and violence or fear of violence will be alleged and you risk being arrested for being within a mile of the house you have paid through the nose for. Stay put in the house and seek professional legal advice.

Save4ArainyDay

"We bought the house for 71K in 2001 where she put down 30K deposit.Since then we have shared the mortgage and bills and the house is now valued at 190K.There is a 52K mortgage on it."

Your wife paid for £30k/£71k for the house = 42% with money from her past

Now house worth £190k so 42% of current value is £79,800 (say £80k)

£190k - £80k = £110K
£110k - £52k mortgage = £58K of equity between you however the split is decided

Your wife should get £80K + a share of the £58k

The more of it she has the easier it will be for her to pay the mortgage I guess because if she buys you out say for £25K - she will have a mortgage of £77K - Can she pay this? Remember she has to house the children.

Or sell up but she will be able to set aside the £80K for starters as that equates to the amount she initially put in.

Probably the best investment would be to get the kids off your hands for a couple of weeks and go on holiday and try to rekindle your relationship for the sake of all of you.

I hope you can work something out - good luck

Mojisola

As he's 10 years old, your son is old enough for his views on who he lives with to be taken into account.

It would make sense for that person to stay in the family home if that can arranged.

See a solicitor and also try some of the support groups - they'll share their experiences with you - google "fathers support groups", there's quite a few of them.

ALIBOBSY

Given that kids are involved can I just say is it worth asking her if you can both attend some counselling sessions such as relate together (or separately if you can't be in the same room). Even if you still end up getting divorced having discussions with a neutral third party may at least help you both to keep things amicable (best for both of you and essential for the kids) and if there is any chance at all you can work through things its got to be worth a try. Some friends of my mum and dad managed to live as 2 individuals in one house (they turned the dining room into a separate bedroom for him) until the kids were much older. They lived separate lives, but were there for the kids and it gave them time to prepare financially for the eventual split. Not for everyone, but it worked for them. At the very least mediation to avoid court costs/heartache and lining the solicitors pockets is they way to go.

If you do end up divorced, I would say you both need to accept that the house will probably have to go and in many ways it is best for you both to make a clean start.

Even as a woman I don't believe the line taken by the courts is fair and in fact the legislation is explicit that unless there are circumstances that proclude it, all cases should end in joint custardy, unfortunately this doesn't seem to happen. The first thing you could try is to ask your partner to sit down and discuss the future. Set ground rules, no sniping no moaning about past stuff and start from the position that no matter what you both will put the kids first and will NEVER use them as pawns against each other.

Good luck no matter what happens

ali x

Alias_Omega

£54,000 would be what i would be looking for from the lot.

DVardysShadow

Alias_Omega wrote: »

£54,000 would be what i would be looking for from the lot.

As you don't show any workings for that, should we assume that you just spun the wheel of justice or that you actually guessed?

Wickedkitten

190,000-52,000 leaves you with equity of 138,000

She should definitely get her 30k deposit back which leaves 108,000 so he gets 54,000 and she gets 84,000.