Advice on amount and what it should cover

cookiedough38

I will try to make this short, My ex and I were together for 7 years, had 2 daughters.

I work part time and have a housing association house, he works full time, rents a current property out and then himself rents a cheaper flat (he couldnt afford to run the house with his debts alone, although he plans to move back in to his house this year or next)

He earns approx £2000 a month and recently was promoted so it could be slightly higher.

He has the two girls 3 nights a week, 5pm saturday, until 8am monday morning and then 4.15pm monday until 8am tuesday morning.

He currently gives me £150 a month in total for the girls.

I have been quite happy with it because I am taking his debts into the subject and I know he can't afford much more.

Although recently he seems to be keeping the clothes I buy for them at his place and being difficult to get them back, if he does return them he returns them dirty, after they have been worn. (this week for example he returned only my youngest daughters top, nothing for the eldest and no jeans for the youngest) I have told him numerous times that I cannot afford to have enough clothes for them at both houses.

I don't want to come across as petty and I want to keep things as amicable as I can for the girls. Any advice?

carpedieme

My friend used to have the same problem it was solved when she started sending the children in just what they stood up in!, best of luck:j

strapped4cash4ever?

I have the same problem as you so can sympathise, I agree with carpedieme. Whatever ex send kids home in, I put back on them when they are going to stay with ex (clean of course!):;)

HappyMJ

cookiedough38 wrote: »

I will try to make this short, My ex and I were together for 7 years, had 2 daughters.

I work part time and have a housing association house, he works full time, rents a current property out and then himself rents a cheaper flat (he couldnt afford to run the house with his debts alone, although he plans to move back in to his house this year or next)

He earns approx £2000 a month and recently was promoted so it could be slightly higher.

He has the two girls 3 nights a week, 5pm saturday, until 8am monday morning and then 4.15pm monday until 8am tuesday morning.

He currently gives me £150 a month in total for the girls.

I have been quite happy with it because I am taking his debts into the subject and I know he can't afford much more.

Although recently he seems to be keeping the clothes I buy for them at his place and being difficult to get them back, if he does return them he returns them dirty, after they have been worn. (this week for example he returned only my youngest daughters top, nothing for the eldest and no jeans for the youngest) I have told him numerous times that I cannot afford to have enough clothes for them at both houses.

I don't want to come across as petty and I want to keep things as amicable as I can for the girls. Any advice?

Well £150 per month to me sounds reasonable if he does contribute in some other way as well. The times he has the kids sounds rather awkward. 5pm on a Saturday I assume he picks them up from yours then send them to school on Monday and picks them up from school on Monday has them till Tuesday and sends them to school in school uniform and you pick them up from school Tuesday afternoon. So the clothes they go in on Saturday night always get left at his and they come back in school uniform. I'd change the times so he picks them up from school on Friday and drops them off at school on Monday if he can. But do that every two weeks instead. Although the nights will only be 3 every 2 weeks the amount of actual contact hours when they are awake or not at school will be exactly the same. Then you just send them to school on Friday in their school clothes and pick them on Monday night. Whatever they wear on the weekend that they are at his then he provides.

tsstss7

carpedieme wrote: »

My friend used to have the same problem it was solved when she started sending the children in just what they stood up in!, best of luck:j

I also had a similar problem along with ex using it as an opporunity to phone me up and order me about (telling me exactly which clothes to pack) and a friend did this with her dd so I though I would try it. I then told him from now on this was what we were going to do - packed ds1 a bag of clothes to last for the next 6 mths or so and that is how we carried on.

Funnily enough it worked out well for him though as my ex MIL (hated me) then started buying ds clothes every 6 mths so I doubt he had to shell out much after that. (She always bought clothes that were too small however - don't know why as he was usually with her when they were bought.)

DS1 is now big enough to do his own packing so I probably do buy the clothes he wears at dads now but since dad now knows to operate a washing machine its not such a big deal - I just got completely fed up of him going away for a weekend to be returned with a suitcase load of dirty washing- I didn't even have a machine at the time and he knew that whereas he had both washer and dryer.

kelloggs36

If he cleared 2k per month salary, for 2 children with 3 nights per week, he would be paying £228 via the CSA - which is under what he is paying currently. You could always suggest that he buys them some clothes - otherwise you have no choice but to apply for the extra money as you can't afford to supply the majority of the money.

Marisco

Would it not be easier for them just to keep clothes at their dad's? That way there would be no need to pack a bag for them:)

HelpMePay

kelloggs36 wrote: »

If he cleared 2k per month salary, for 2 children with 3 nights per week, he would be paying £228 via the CSA - which is under what he is paying currently. You could always suggest that he buys them some clothes - otherwise you have no choice but to apply for the extra money as you can't afford to supply the majority of the money.

If its 2k before tax etc it works out at £150 I thought, thats assuming he is not paying anything into a pension etc.

I'd suggest shifting the days so he drops them back in civvies, that way you can just send them in with uniform and one change of clothes.

speedster

kelloggs36 wrote: »

If he cleared 2k per month salary, for 2 children with 3 nights per week, he would be paying £228 via the CSA - which is under what he is paying currently. You could always suggest that he buys them some clothes - otherwise you have no choice but to apply for the extra money as you can't afford to supply the majority of the money.

what a sh1te piece of advice.

why on earth would you advise involving the CSA to enflame the situation because of a petty squabble over a few outfits for the kids????

pathetic. i thought you had more about you than that. i think you've been hanging round the militants on here for far too long.

you used to give some good advice. shame.........:(

sarflee

Have to agree with Speedster, I read too many posts that advise using the CSA as an almost blackmailing/bargaining tool. That is NOT what it is there for. Sometimes it is necessary if no reasonable agreement has been reached but this appears quite amicable apart from the clothes aspect. The CSA calculated amounts, are fair in some circumstances but can be quite unfair in others. Please don't go via the CSA if you can help it. It can become a pain for both sides.

As said earlier it is the times that appear quite awkward, assuming your ex drops directly at school it is difficult to come up with a solution. Could you not tell him he has to buy school uniform as you are not going to pack/return whatever they come home in on a Tuesday, unless he returns their clothes from the weekend?

speedster

sarflee wrote: »

Have to agree with Speedster, I read too many posts that advise using the CSA as an almost blackmailing/bargaining tool. That is NOT what it is there for. Sometimes it is necessary if no reasonable agreement has been reached but this appears quite amicable apart from the clothes aspect. The CSA calculated amounts, are fair in some circumstances but can be quite unfair in others. Please don't go via the CSA if you can help it. It can become a pain for both sides.

As said earlier it is the times that appear quite awkward, assuming your ex drops directly at school it is difficult to come up with a solution. Could you not tell him he has to buy school uniform as you are not going to pack/return whatever they come home in on a Tuesday, unless he returns their clothes from the weekend?

now THAT'S goooooood advice.

something that is unfortunatley lacking here.