House ownership with ex-partner, need to move out!

stellabrillante

Hello,

I currently own a house with my ex-partner and we have ca. £25k negative equity (minimum) on it at the moment, therefore selling is not an option. At the time when we separated, I (stupidly) gave my ex-partner the following options:

- stay in the house on his own (he was unemployed at the time, living off his redundancy money and said he couldn’t afford the interest only payments)
- stay in the house and rent out the 2 other double rooms (he said he didn’t know anyone who would want to rent a room)
- rent out the house either privately or through a letting agent (although I work full-time and he was sitting at home all day, I phone all the letting agents, made all the appointments etc only for him to turn around – after 4 appointments – and say that he wasn’t sure he wanted to rent out the property)

In the end, and because I have a ds, I thought it wiser for me to stay put and for him to move out which he did after many (painful) months. He now leads a cushioned existence by ‘house-sharing’ with his brother and brother’s girlfriend in London. Meanwhile, I have established that I can’t stay where I am as the cost of getting ds to his school (he managed to secure a place at a grammar school 37 miles away from where we live) and other commitments plus the strain on both ds and I is too much. Additionally, when we originally bought the house, it was never the plan for me to end up being solely responsible for running a 3 storey / 3 bed house – there is the general cost of it which is too much, plus the upkeep and even weekly cleaning it! Financially, as a temporary measure, I have rented out one of the rooms – so what seemed like too much of an issue for a single male, has become a workable solution for a single mum with a 12 yo ds. However, although my lodger is ok, that in itself is far from ideal and something that I can only realistically sustain as a temporary arrangement. I am feeling the pressure and my stress levels are soaring, and I do worry that I will have a breakdown again which I did when I was trying to resolve the practical issues with ex-partner but he just kept creating obstacles as opposed to helping to come up with answers. I was signed off work for 2 months, lost a lot of my hair and could barely leave the house without hyperventilating. For mine and ds’ sake, I cannot allow myself to get into that state again.

I have now contacted ex-partner, explained that currently arrangement is not feasible and that I must move by mid August. So far, he’s rejected the option to sell due to negative equity, has opposed to the idea of renting out privately (he obviously doesn’t want the hassle and responsibility) and claims that renting it through letting agents is not an option either due to fee costs and taxation on rent. I don’t know what else to do and I am seriously considering giving him an ultimatum: either he comes up with a solution or I will hand my keys back to lender and start bankruptcy proceedings. It sounds extreme but this is the only thing I can think off which would represent enough of a threat for him to take action. At the moment, it’s like he handed the sole responsibility of the house (and mortgage over to me). And as short-sighted as it may seem, at this point I’d rather declare myself bankrupt than have to spend the next 10 years or so (or as long as it takes for prices to recover) tied to this ‘waste of space’. By the same token, I know that what he’s doing is trying to leave me with no other option but to sort it out myself but I can’t. I’ve got too much on as it is and above all it’s not fair! I was in a similar situation when I separated from my ex-husband 9 years ago and he left me to deal with everything on my own and to do all the parenting on my own too.

So my question is: what would you do? Shall I go ahead with the bankruptcy threat? He can’t buy me out as he’s working on a short-term contract at the moment and would not be earning enough to take on the whole mortgage on his own.

Thank you in advance for any advice you can give!

MrsTinks

Personally I'd go ahead with the bankruptcy threat... either he pays half the cost and gets half the profit if there ever is any... Or he accepts half the debt as it stands... Or if you declare yourself BR he'd be liable for the full debt... is that really what he wants? Bearing in mind that you will start to default on the payments and as you are both liable HIS credit file will be marked too... If you can rent it out for more than the mortgage that would seem the better way forward but only you'd know that... And on the downside you'd still be tied to him through the house...

dreamdreamer

It's a really sticky situation, my OH has a house with an ex that she lives in but frequently "forgets" to pay him her share of the mortgage.

I'd go with the bankruptcy threat and make it clear that he's forcing you into it by being so uncooperative and that HE will be responsible for the shortfall. I wouldn't actually go through with it as a house with negative equity is unlikely to be sold by force during bankruptcy, but it might get him off his bum.

RAS

dreamdreamer wrote: »

I wouldn't actually go through with it as a house with negative equity is unlikely to be sold by force during bankruptcy, but it might get him off his bum.

Actually if the OP goes BR and moves out, then any shortfall goes into the bankruptcy (or in this case becomes the sole responsibility of the ex).


OP, please take proper advice from a debt charity about your options and then maybe head over to the BR forum.

You need to be aware that you will not be allowed to keep more than £20 excess on any IPA, so could end up paying back a fair bit over the 3 years.

And if you go that way, then please save up enough to get your 6 months rental and move out before you go BR.

dreamdreamer

Actually if the OP goes BR and moves out, then any shortfall goes into the bankruptcy (or in this case becoems the sole responsibility of the ex).

I stand corrected! That definitely works out better for the OP if she does decide to go through with it.