HELP!!Surprise party could be ruined

runnerbean17

Right 1st time I've asked for advice so go gently with me please

Basically I've organised a surprise meal for my SIL's 30th tomorrow night, nothing big and fancy, only a few of us. Her OH was "in" on this and thought it was a good idea. So he's now told her he's taking her out for a meal tomorrow night (we'll be there already when they arrive!) and she has said she doesn't want to go :eek:

I rang her and said I knew he was taking her out because it was my idea and he's a bit gutted she doesn't want to go (not letting on about everyone else obviously)
and that I'd be more than happy if my DH went to the trouble
SO at the min she knows he's booked a table for a meal and she doesn't "really fancy" it, do I give up with the surprise element or go ahead without her :rotfl: only joking. It's more than a rant than a question I supose cause nobody can make her go can they? And its certainly the last time I do a "surprise" anything

belfastgirl23

This is a really nice thing to do for your SIL

Maybe she's feeling a bit down that her DH hasn't organised a bit of a get together for her birthday. I reckon at this stage tell her that you've gathered some close friends, it was meant to be a surprise, and if she doesn't fancy it you can cancel.

'Big' birthdays can take people in different ways and maybe she's feeling a bit sorry for herself. If so, hide out for her 40th it's significantly worse!

podperson

Have you asked her why she doesn't feel like going out? Some people really don't like 'big' birthday and maybe she was just wanting to hide away? If she really doesn't want to go then think you will just have to tell her and then see if she fancies it.

pigpen

Still go.. she will be coming she said she doesn't fancy it not that she won't go.

onlyroz

To be honest I'd be mortified if someone hosted a surprise party for me. I've only been to one, and I found it to be cringingly embarrasing, for both myself and for the person whose party it was. My advice would be to come clean and just throw a regular party.

alanalea

Looking from another perspective- Do they have money troubles? If my hubby organised a lovely lunch in an expensive restaurant but deep down I knew we couldn't afford it, I'd probably say I didn't fancy it.

Last year my wonderful OH (who is absolutely pants with his spending and doesn't really know much about our finances) surprised me with a Kindle for my birthday. If he'd actually asked me if I wanted one or told me of his plans to buy one, I would have told him not to as the money could be better spent elsewhere. (Saying that, I wouldn't be without my Kindle now )

pigpen

onlyroz wrote: »

To be honest I'd be mortified if someone hosted a surprise party for me. I've only been to one, and I found it to be cringingly embarrasing, for both myself and for the person whose party it was. My advice would be to come clean and just throw a regular party.

I would be furious and leave immediately lol

Craftyscholar

Surprise parties are a really risky thing to do.
It can be very difficult to suddenly switch on the party mood when you thought you were going to have a quiet meal.

I do know of one which fell flat for that reason although the man it was arranged for was usually the life and soul of any party.

I was once the recipient of a surprise party which did work, but only because I had been told I was going to someone else's 'do' so was in 'party mood' when I got there.

barbiedoll

My DH threw a surprise party for me a few years ago. He held it at my friend's house so that I wouldn't know what was going on and as far as I was concerned, we were just going round to hers for a few drinks and nibbles for an hour or so. I really didn't feel like it on the day and moaned and whined about having to go out on my birthday when I'd rather stay in. Despite his cajoling, I didn't bother to wash my hair, I didn't put on any make-up and I wore a baggy old jumper and my jeans. So I felt lovely when all of my friends and family burst out, yelling "Surprise!!" and I could have killed DH for not telling me!

I still had a great time though, and after a couple of drinks and a quick go with my mate's warpaint, I was ready to party the night away. I was touched that so many people made the effort for me (despite me looking like an old bag! :rotfl:) and it was a lovely night.

Just go for it, she'll be fine when she gets there and I'm sure that she will appreciate your efforts to help her celebrate her birthday. Hope you all have a good time!

thorsoak

runnerbean17 wrote: »

Right 1st time I've asked for advice so go gently with me please

Basically I've organised a surprise meal for my SIL's 30th tomorrow night, nothing big and fancy, only a few of us. Her OH was "in" on this and thought it was a good idea. So he's now told her he's taking her out for a meal tomorrow night (we'll be there already when they arrive!) and she has said she doesn't want to go :eek:

I rang her and said I knew he was taking her out because it was my idea and he's a bit gutted she doesn't want to go (not letting on about everyone else obviously)
and that I'd be more than happy if my DH went to the trouble
SO at the min she knows he's booked a table for a meal and she doesn't "really fancy" it, do I give up with the surprise element or go ahead without her :rotfl: only joking. It's more than a rant than a question I supose cause nobody can make her go can they? And its certainly the last time I do a "surprise" anything

Just in case ...she turns up in "any old thing" ...can YOU manage to raid her wardrobe and get something nice for her to put on in case she just comes to humour you all??? So that she can change and feel really nice?

runnerbean17

Thanks for all your replies.. money is a little bit of a problem but covered by her parents paying for it. It is only a few friends for a meal nothing like a big party BUT I suppose maybe I should just bite the bullet and tell her. Tomorrow is another day fingers crossed..