wife sick, need to leave job - urgent advice needed

gooner66

Hello everyone.

To cut a long story short, after the birth of our third child my wife suffered from depression, she has a history of this and we thought we were prepared but it was not to be.

To save her from going into hospital she has had mental health support and stronger medication but still she has become sick with bi-polar and anxiety, plus the meds make her very drowsy etc.
She hates the medication and stopped taking them without telling us, blaming things on our marriage and she eventually threw me out in August last year as she cannot cope with a relationship. she has ocd and everything has to be just right.
Im living with my elderly parents,devestated, we have had out ups and downs but i know its the illness not her, the thing is she cannot cope anymore, the baby is taking alot out of her and we have a difficult teenager to deal with too, I want to come home, look after her and the baby so we can keep an eye on her , make sure she takes her meds, she worries being drowsy /side effects make her a bad mother so doesnt take the pills - so i can support her whilst the medication starts to work.
people have advised me not to leave my job as we wont have any money -the thing is they dont know what its like, shes a fantastic wife and mother, this illness stole her from us. I need to look after my family, i dont want to le,ave my job i am a worker, ive worked a 7 day week as a builder and i was self employed for years so my wife was left alone many a time, but it was hell for us for 2 years before, she was in and out of hospital and it affected us all, this time i can stop it before it gets to that point. I dont want to struggle with money but id rather then suffer how we did before. We didnt plan for anymore children due to her depression, this was an accident , my wife had to leave her job which she loved, we love our baby to bits but i can see her going under again. I dont know financially how we will survive, we have no savings, i tried to see if we could claim benefits , she has been refused any other than income support as her gp cannot file a medical as my wife is under the mental health unit and refuses to see any other gps unless its her team there at the hospital, maybe i could be her carer? but how can i if she doesnt get disability? I have never claimed anything apart from one time when i was 19, many moons ago. The man on the phone said i will be making myself unemployed , on purpose, but we have children to feed, im in hell worrying what to do.

chalkiesalem_2

sorry i have no advice for you, just didnt want to read a run. I hope everything works out for you, money is not everything, your wife is a lucky lady to have you

nannytone_2

i'd suggest you put in a claim for DLA as it really sounds like she needs a lot oif care.

do you think that possibly a stay in hospital might be in her best interests long term?
while all the stresses are 'in her face' constantly, it must be very hard for her to improve.
i wish you both all the luck.

busiscoming2

Is it possible for you to perhaps work part time, either part of the day or to work just 2 - 3 full days per week where you are now or could you go SE again, perhaps with a view to your wife returning to work (you said she enjoyed this) at some point in the future when her condition is under control?

gooner66

Thank you for your advice everyone, i have thought about part time but finacially it may not be viable at full time i only take home 1200 a month as a handy man and our rent/council tax takes half , although we do get some tax credits but not much now my older daughters age has changed. Work dont not want me to leave they said i can have 6 months unpaid leave but again i cannot claim any benefits if i do this. My wife will not go into hospital again as before she could take the baby as it was a mother and baby unit but now the baby is 1 she would have to leave her and she wont leave the kids with anyone. She also is very aware and articulate about her illness and she hides the true extent from the doctors half the time to get her to stay at home with the kids. The local mental health team do visit but my wife puts them off a lot with a brave face. As im at work i miss being there to tell them how bad it is. I tried to ring but they wont discuss anything with me!

dmg24

If you were to go down to part time, you could ask TC to assess you on your current income, so you should get more. You may then also qualify for some help with rent/ CTB etc.

Has your wife asked about trying other medication? I have a history of being non compliant with medication, but have now found a psychiatrist who has said we will keep trying different ones until we find something that suits.

MrsManda

If your employer will allow it, working part-time sounds like it would be a good option as you'd get to spend more time with your family and also still bring some money into the household. You'd be able to claim benefits whereas you may get sanctioned if you intentionally gave up your job.

Depending on your change in income you may be eligible to claim Council Tax Benefit and Housing Benefit.

Does your wife receive Employment Support Allowance?
As she has care needs she will be able to claim Disability Living Allowance. If she gets awarded middle/high rate care from DLA then you'd be able to claim Carer's Allowance as well.

How old is your daughter?