Please help with older childs bedtime and tantrums etc

mrsunhappy_3

Hello
I am desperate for some advice on my son's bedtime routine or lack of it and wonder if anyone could offer any advice please?

My son is 10 years old and has moderate learning difficulties.He has a very one track was of thinking and always thinks he is right :eek: he is also on the boarder line for having a social problem

Anyway he has never been a good sleeper,he doesn't sleep through the night ever but my main is concern is that bedtimes are getting almost unbearable.He has a routine that is stuck to (he freaks if routines aren't followed and will result in a massive tantrum)he has supper and a drink and then goes to bed and is allowed to watch his TV until he nods off (i know he shouldn't be allowed tv but it did use to at least keep him in his room )
Anyway from 8pm till at least 11pm he is coming out of his room,running round the house like a looney,annoying his teenage siblings,refusing to get in bed,coming downstairs many times etc

Does anyone have any strategies that we can put in place to help him settle and at least stay in bed please.would appreciate also if anyone has a child with learning difficulties/on the autistic spectrum ideas please as you really do need to think out of the box with him.

I am guessing he is overtired which isn't helping with his daily moods.He hates getting dressed and going out,especially at the weekends and I know if we force him to do it the trip will be a nightmare because he will try and dominate everything we do as a family and this will result in another of his tantrums.There is no reasoning with him AT ALL and most things escalate into a huge tantrum which include screaming and shouting and being very aggressive,pushing and trying to breaks things (normally his brothers things) and then headbutting and kicking the wall etc.

Please if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it.We have an appointment to see his paediatrician in April but that seems so far away at the moment,when we last saw him he said he was probably just feeling very frustrated and didn't want to give him anything to help him sleep as he is already on uite a bit of medication at present

Thanks x

peachyprice

Perhaps 8pm is a little too early for him to be going to be now? Maybe he's still wide awake and resents being sent to his room at 8pm when he is still full of beans, which in turn is making it harder for him to get to sleep while he's all fired up.

I would be tempted to try making his bed time a little later 8.30 -9.00, it isn't going to make any difference to his sleep time if he doesn't drop off til 11pm anyway and although it will cut into your evening quality time I doubt you're getting much of that at the moment anyway!

it might just give him that extra wind down time he needs before he goes to sleep.

Nicki

Hi there! Sounds jut like my dd who is also 10 with autism and learning difficulties.

When we hear her bedroom door open, we immediately cut her off and put her back to bed, with no negotiation. We don't give her the chance to come downstairs and run around. Sometimes we have to do this 3 or 4 times in the evening, but other nights she is much better. To start off with though she was having to be put back dozens of times!

Would your son understand a reward system? For each night he stays in bed he gets a token and when he has 5 tokens he can get a new DVD to watch in bed? You'd probably need a reminder stuck to his bedroom door and to be flexible in how you applied it (so if he came out and you said don't you want to earn a token, and he goes straight back in with no complaint he still gets his token in the morning)

Otherwise lots of parents of asd kids use melatonin. We don't but dd is more biddable these days. Its not a sedative but a supplement of the naturally occurring hormone which causes you to fall asleep. I think it can only be prescribed by a consultant but it might be worth asking about at your appointment in April.

chickflick

hi my son had similar sort of situations, not very good when he was out of routines etc everything had to be followed, my first thing i would suggest you sound like you need extra help and support with his tantrums, like seeking the gp for help, or some kind of play therapy which my son had, which help amazinly.
We also had a private psychology report done on him to see what other stratgies we could help him with, im no expert but could give you tips on what they told us.
No caffine sugary drinks watch the diet for making them over hyper, maybe put the other children to bed and let him draw or play with his favourite toy while you calm the others down.
Strict routines was a must for my son he had trouble changing things in his brain so i had to explain about what the routine was at his level about 50 times before we started, making sure eye contact was a must and making sure he knows whats what.
we also had a seperate room in place with no exciting things in it, where he would let his frustration go, this was called the calm room, this is still in place now, once he was calm and got over his aggressivness tantrum we then went in the room to his level and did not except the behaviour, if he did it again we would keep putting him in there till he was calm enough to listen, and also tired himself out. This was very hard for me to do, but it bloody worked for me, and a big success now, as his tantrums now last a matter of minutes not hours.
Its not reccomended for all children but it really helped mine.
We used to also to sing and cradle our son for half an hour a time, to calm and get that bonding time, i no maybe hard for a 10 year old.
bathing and story time before bed could help him calm the situation down.
Also the play theraptist would reccomened lots of play activities to help my son take the pressure of him and his anger. Like the sandwich game, where we would put pillow on top of pillow and make a sandwich, which was fun. Pressing against a wall and run to another wall and press as hard as you can and try and race him, can help relieve his anger.
Hope some of the tips help.

julie03

if your son is on the autisic spectrum a points system may work, my son has aspergers and dysphraxia. he has a netbook but has to earn points to use it, he gets these points for certain behaviours that we have problems with and he can earn bonus points as well, and 5 points is half hour on his net book, we never take points away as he will see this as unfair and you are taking away his good behaviour if he has tantrums we freeze the points and he cannot use them for that day, so no netbook,
for social behaviours we have been told to use phrases when praising that are very very clear , so if he went to bed well it would be ." well done ben for going to bed" instead of just "good boy"
also we have tried a football card system, a yellow card is a warning and a red card is time out, time outs have to be visual with an egg timer or stopwatch
dont know if any of this will help you as my son is good at bedtimes and just accepts 8.30 as time to go to his room.

onlyroz

I'd try bribery e.g. some small toy that he'll get after a week of good behaviour.

Spendless

Hi, I have a 10yo son who is convinced sleeping is an 'optional extra'! So, I can sympathise. Mine also had an 8pm bedtime till last month, but that was part of his protest, as peachyprice says, he was complaining that we were sending him too early. Our point was that he wasn't adhering to hs bedtime, so why should we make it later. Anyway the compromise was his bedtime is now 9pm, however if he continues to come down etc then for the following 2 days it will revert to 8pm. We made it 2 days rather than one, to avoid him trying alternate late and early nights.

The other thing I've found that nods him off is classical music. he got a radio alarm for christmas and tuning into a classic station can have him nodding off within minutes.

flippin36

We had great success with music too. Maybe he would lie and relax to music with headphones on. My son is 10 and doesn't seem sleepy until 9pm. Sorry I can't be more helpful, you aren't the only one its a common problem for children with ADS. Good luck.

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi,

I have lots of sympathy for you. My son has anxiety and health problems and bedtimes are a nightmare (not as bad as you, but still). He has an irrational fear of bedtime in case he dies in his sleep, he is also scared of being left alone. It is wearing me out at the moment, I am lucky if I get him settled before 11pm and I am not a "night person!"

I know the issues are very different but we bought him a moon light that glows gently in different colours. He loves to hold this and it reassures him. Dont know whether it would stimulate your boy too much though? DS loves music too, especially the radio because its like having someone chatting to him, we bought him a little set that he can have in bed with him.

We have a routine where I get in bed with him and we read together for half an hour. In theory he then reads to himself for 15 minutes and goes to sleep. It rarely works.

Our psychologist suggested that I lay with him to get him to sleep if all else fails. Its weird but that seems to unsettle him even more and it takes him forever to nod off. There have been times when I have fallen asleep in his bed and he has woken me up.

All I want is a bit of time for myself and to be able to curl up in my own bed with my book at 10pm. Not easy is it?

ruthber

My son also has moderate learning difficulties and has been put on melatonin a few months ago and it really helps him to settle. it is not like sleeping tablets it is a naturally occurring substance so i am not worried about him taking it.