How do you fall back in love with someone?

tinytemper

I'm a regular poster but made up an anon name,i do hope that is ok?

My question for today is,is it possible to fall back in love with someone?

I have over time realized I am no longer in love with my partner,I do care about her,don't want to hurt her and i know i am her world.I have come to the conclusion though that I do not love her any more,I don't find her attractive and really honest she just irritates me.

I would love to keep my family together,I don't want to be a weekend Dad so what I am really asking is weather you can fall back in love with someone for the sake of your family or do you just put up with it and say nothing?

I am swaying between 'you have one life make the most of it and she will get over it' and 'put up and shut up,I chose this path I deal with it'

Cheers

anderson8

have you spoken to her at all about any of this?
keeping a relationship together is a two way street. i think most relationships lose that spark sometimes, its something that needs to be worked at.
you need to at least talk to her and let her know how you are feeling so she at least knows.
She may even be feeling the exact same way about you

[Deleted User]

I would speak to her and try couple counselling. It's easy to drift apart especially when you have kids. If that doesn't work, at least you have tried. It wouldn't be fair on any of you and especially the kids if you weren't happy together. I always say, it's best to have two happy parents living apart than two miserable ones living together. All the best.

balletshoes

You say you now don't find her attractive and she irritates you - so how about you look back and think what did attract you to her when you started going out? How about starting date night - one night a fortnight, or a month even, when you sort out babysitters for the kids, and you go out as a couple - it might help focus both of you on each other rather than family stuff.
You might find that spark again, or you might decide after trying that for a while that there really isn't anything left, and there isn't anything she/you can do to get back on track. But as you want to try, I think its worth giving it a go.

Lara44

Hi TT

I think like a flowering plant, a relationship is something that must be nourished and worked on by both parties. I do think it's possible to revive a relationship, although not always. It depends if things are just taken for granted, or if you have realised your paths have seriously diverged and you want completely different lives that aren't compatible.

If there are specific problems then it might worth thinking about counselling. If it just all seems to be a bit boring, then there's loads of ways to start to build up the relationship again. First of all, doing things for the other person and cultivating a culture of thoughtfulness between the two of you. Taking your partner out of her role as a 'Mum' and appreciating her in a different way outside the home sphere. Perhaps engaging a new and exciting interest the two of you can enjoy together.

If you're feeling a bit stale across your life it might not be about your relationship, but perhaps you're not following your own dreams. In this case, is there something you can do to shake things up for yourself? New job, new interest etc.

Long term relationships - like anything - have their very boring and mundane parts. Only you can say really if it's something that can be worked on or not. I think breaking up a family is something so serious and irrevocable you need to be SURE. So if I was in your shoes I'd definitely try to find ways to improve things first instead of taking a decision of that magnitude.

Best wishes though

brians_daughter

YES YES YES! It is possible.

You need to talk to her, for goodness sake dont say you dont find her attractive and she irritates you tho.

She may be distant because she is picking up on your feelings? In turn making her irritating iykwim?

Its a 2 way street, you need to tell her that you feel you have drifted apart and how does she feel,and work out a way between you to try and work at it between you.

Its hard to keep the spark when you are aprents and it needs to be worked on. With us this means every week we have an 'us night' where the kids go to bed and we cook a special meal, open a bottle of wine and sit at the table and TALK, i mean really talk not just past the time of day...once a month we try and do something together like last week we were concious we hadnt done anything for a while so we met each other at a local pub after work (only for an hour) and had a drink together. Its small little things for us but it helps us realise we are a couple and we need time together.

If you want to stay together you need to do it for you and your oh's sake, not just cause of the chldren. Its quite sscary being just you 2 again after so long, but its really helped us.

I am sure she has some insecurities/things she would change in the relationship and you need to be prepared to change as well. Do you have seperate hobbies and interests? I find this also keeps our relationship alive as we actually have something to tell each other about rather than talk about the kids and work all the time

sjc3

tinytemper wrote: »

I'm a regular poster but made up an anon name,i do hope that is ok?

My question for today is,is it possible to fall back in love with someone?

I have over time realized I am no longer in love with my partner,I do care about her,don't want to hurt her and i know i am her world.I have come to the conclusion though that I do not love her any more,I don't find her attractive and really honest she just irritates me.

I would love to keep my family together,I don't want to be a weekend Dad so what I am really asking is weather you can fall back in love with someone for the sake of your family or do you just put up with it and say nothing?

I am swaying between 'you have one life make the most of it and she will get over it' and 'put up and shut up,I chose this path I deal with it'

Cheers

I would suggest really opening up to her and telling her that you are not completely happy. If she doesn't know how you feel then she has no chance of putting things right.

None of us are easy to live with, there are things my hubby does that drive me mad sometimes. Love is all about compromise though and being able to accept someone warts and all.

I dont know if its possible to fall back in love with someone once that spark has gone, never been in that position. How old are your kids? I know when my dd was very little it put a strain on our couple time. We went from being each others world to almost having no quality time for each other. Are there any family or friends nearby that could babysit and allow you two to kind of date. Get out and be romantic and just be the two of you again. Worth a try!

pupsicola

I walked away from my marriage over 4 years ago having definately fallen out of love with my ex. There were very serious reasons why I no longer loved him.

You dont give reasons for why you feel you dont love your partner anymore. I wouldn't expect you to on a chat forum. If she treats you well, is loving and supportive and would want to really make your relationship work if she knew how you felt, have a go at making it work.

Ending a relationship with kids involved is a nightmare. I know in my heart that I made the right decision but that doesn't mean it hasn't torn me apart every day since.

Try communicating all that you are feeling to the one person who can make the difference.

Newly_retired

If there has been violence in a marriage, abuse, or infidelity, then there are strong reasons to bring it to an end.
If none of this has happened, then I beleive you should do all within your power, together and separately, to try to work things out, find new ways of being a couple / family.
You may not succeed, you may still need to bring it to an end, but only after every effort has been made.

Errata

I am swaying between 'you have one life make the most of it and she will get over it' and 'put up and shut up,I chose this path I deal with it'

This doesn't answer your question, but you need to remember your children also have one life they hope to make the most of. How will they get over it?

PhilipP_2

Everybody here is right. Communicate with your partner and try to take time for yourselves. You never know why you might not love someone anymore. Is it boredom? Who knows. But one thing i want to add is that you should never feel guilty for the way you feel, and you too deserve to be happy. If you stay with her and are already frustrated by her actions, your behavior towards her will eventually hurt your children, and they will feel you are over it. From experience I can tell you that sometimes it's better to see both parents happy and separated than together and miserable. Of course it will take time for your partner to get over it, but as long as you are being a loving dad and that you respect their mother, you have all the rights to live your own life with happiness.