Self-help / motivational books

Giggidy

Hi there

I was just wondering if anyone could please recommend any good self-help, motivational or empowerment books for women. My mother is close to breaking point because of the nightmare that is my sister. She is a single mother with 3 young kids, and relies heavily on my mother for just about everything. My mother is a kind-hearted person, and not only is my sister taking major advantage of her but she treats my mother and her kids very badly because of her extreme mood swings and destructive behaviour.

My family live abroad, so I cant support my mother in the way I'd like, I can only go home about once a year. Meanwhile her blood pressure is sky high, and she fears she may get a stroke because of all the stress my sister is causing and worrying about her grandkids' welfare.

I cant change the situation (my sister cut all contact when I tried to speak to her about this early last this year). However I do strongly believe that if my mother empowered herself more, she would be able to take my sister on, and deal with the situation better, and that in turn would possibly force my sister to change her ways.

Sorry for rambling on, I just feel really sad for my mother and my sister's kids, dont know what else to do really.

Plans_all_plans

I don't think a self-help book is necessarily the answer to this problem: your mum just needs to learn to say no and stick to it. What happens if she refuses to do what your sister wants? In what way does your sister take advantage of her?

By the way, if your mother is seriously concerned about the welfare of her grandchildren, she should consider speaking to social services about getting your sister some help to get back on the right track.

Giggidy

Both my mother and sister's mother-in-law contacted social services, they investigated for 2 months, but they decided she was fit to look after them, and havent made any follow-ups. My mother felt so despondent because she went as far as she could go to help the kids but nothing came of it.

Meanwhile, my sister asks my mother for money for food, or kid's school fees, etc because she is struggling on her own. So this obviously pulls on her heart strings because she is doing this to help the kids, not her. But then at the same time, my mother isnt allowed to berate her about anything, even when she blatantly mistreats the kids in front of her. If my mother does say anything, she keeps the kids away from my mother. I think the saying is she bites the hand that feeds her.

My mother has a big heart and feels guilty when she says no because then the kids suffer. However I feel a bit of tough love would make my sister respect her more (she wouldnt dream of being like this with my dad because he wont tolerate it). Ive told her all this for years now, but im just not getting through.

Errata

Tell your dad to tell your sister to get a grip, he should be sticking up for his wife if one of their children is treating her like a piece of rubbish.

Giggidy

Sorry, have to add things as I go along, otherwise it would be a massive post. My mom and dad have split up years ago, and he cut all ties with my sister, he doesnt want to get involved anymore. So my mother is going through this totally alone, and all I can do this side is try to console her when things get too much.

Blonde_Ambition

I hope you can all work this out, especially for the children. In the way of books, I love Paul McKenna. His chapter on relationships may help!

dancing_star

I'd recommend 'A Woman In Your Own Right' by Anne Dickson. I don't hold much truck with self-help books as a rule, but I like this one.

LJM

i agree she just has to get the strength up to say no to her

Counting_Pennies_2

I'm not too sure a book would help.

counselling?