Hello, bit of a problem any advice gratefully recieved

Whatliesbeneth

Hi there,

firstly let me say hi, long time lurker of this forum and very much impressed with the help other people have received on here. this is my first post go easy on me.

I have a problem i would like some advice about,

a bit of history

i am in debt to the tune of 3200 loan which i took out for home repairs (new boiler windows, doors, roofing repairs etc)i pay 200 a month off scheduled to finish in may next year, i pay all monthly bills for our family
and after all outgoings we generally have around 800 a month left of my salary to spend on food/petrol/entertainment etc. i have my own car that i pay for and need for work ( i work away during the week).

the issue

we have a 5 month old son together, i have a 6 year old from a previous relationship who lives with his mum and i support financially, my partner is currently on maternity pay, this maternity pay runs out in june but she bought a new car on a 24 month pcp deal a while ago and its due to go back in september, she hasnt looked after it and couldn't afford to run it when she was working and it is quite damaged and will require at least 1000 of body shop repairs before the finance company will take it back.
when her maternity pay runs out she will have no means of paying for the car. i am reluctant to take on paying for it as i have my own debts to worry about and a child from a previous relationship to support and all the household bills to pay.

we have about 1400 quid in savings, it will be about 1700 to about 2000 by the time her maternity pay runs out in june.

a) do i take on paying for the car monthly until it goes back and use the savings to get it repaired? and stay in debt longer? (ford will charge us full bodyshop rates if it goes back as is i want to get a few local quotes and use the cheapest to get it fixed)

or

b) do i refuse to pay for the car as its not my car and concentrate on getting myself debt free quicker which will be better overall for the family?

i must add we tried joint finances but our relationship works better when we have our own money. my partner has her maternity pay and the child benefit and tax credits and cant live within her means on 750 quid a month with just a car to pay for :mad:

also it will require a service at about 200 quid in june.

sorry to seem quite negative, i love my partner dearly but she didn't think it through properly when she bought the thing how much it would cost each month to run and is it too much to expect me to take all that on?

any help or advice gratefully recieved.

chrissie52

is it too much to expect me to take all that on

My answer to that is yes (and that's from a female perspective!) You say you pay all bills for the household, does your partner not contribute at all? If not, my question would be why not?
I do understand that you love your partner dearly, but if she doesn't take responsibility for her own finances, at some point it's a disaster waiting to happen. Sorry to be so blunt, but I really do think that as she's a grown up she needs to take responsibility.
Do hope that you can deal with this equitably between you I know how much stress financial problems put on a relationship. Kind regards.

Whatliesbeneth

she pays for the food she eats during the week when im not there, the rest of the money is hers to spend as she wishes. i pay for everything our new son needs

chrissie52

Whatliesbeneath

She's a lucky lady to have you , but, I still think in the long run she needs to contribute if only for her own selfworth, even if you yourself can afford to keep on funding the household bills entirely and supporting both your sons. Only my opinion of course and I do wish you both well.

sarah*a

Personally (and this is just personally) I don't see the point in having savings whilst paying interest on a loan? Can you not use your £1400 savings to pay a chunk out of 'your' debt therefore reducing the monthy payments and put the rest towards helping her with 'her' car loan?

Then start saving again when it's all paid off?

Also (and again personally - not trying to upset anyone or criticise ) I don't get this 'my debt' and 'her debt' separation - when I entered a partnership with my OH it was exactly that - a partnership. I took him for all he was - faults and debts and all - and he took me the same. Especially once you have a child! So you can share your DNA with her to create another human being but you can't help her out of a financial hole? What if paying for this car causes her so much stress she finds it difficult to care for your child? Is that worth a couple of £1000? It would be 'better for the family' if you worked together to pay off both debts - rather than concentrating on yourself and leaving her to flounder.

I presume (by the fact you said she will have no income when her maternity pay ends) that she is not returning to work - but is staying home to look after 'your' child? What if she decided to go to work to earn money to pay off the car debt - but left you to pay the childminding fees - then you're just paying for the car but in a roundabout way IYSWIM?

You say you pay all bills and have £800 left for food/petrol/entertainment (but not her food during the week?) does this include stuff for the baby? Is her £750 paying for nappies/formula/clothes etc while you are away all week? And because you are not there on a day to day basis and don't 'see' it get spent you assume she just 'fritters' it away?

(That isn't a critisism about you working away btw just realistic understanding of what things cost - have you asked her what she spends it on or does she just assume you know she pays for certain things during the week? )

If she's paying for the food she eats during the week when you are not there - and depending on where and how she shops - that will explain where a proportion of her money is going.

Also - not a pleasant thought - but as you don't appear to willingly share financial information with each other could she have another debt she is paying off without your knowledge?

My honest advice/opinion would be to use the savings/tighten your belt for a few months - get the car/home repairs bill sorted out together - and sit down and have a serious chat about each of your financial responsibilties towards running a home and raising a child. And when she has an income again she needs to start contributing to the family pot - if she is genuinely just throwing money away month after month she needs to learn the value of money or she'll do it again.

I do sympathise (and hope it doesn't come across as I don't ). My OH is awful with money and it goes through his fingers like butter on toast We had many 'discussions' to make him understand the financial consequences and we have worked out exactly how much 'free' money we can afford him to have each month and he can do what he likes with it - if he blows it all on payday weekend - well tough - he gets nothing else for the rest of the month because other things are prioritys

Good Luck :cool: