alcoholic needs help

alcoholic

as my name says , am but dont want to be. just writing this before i get drunk (again )
and to all of you who think i am a waste of time , you are probably right.
how do i beat this ?
hidden it from my partner for too long and now risking our home and happiness for a single pint of lager
i must be the biggest !!!!!! on this site but i want to change.
i have sold everything we own that she wouldnt notice ( dvds etc) and pawned everything else . bailiffs coming and she doesnt even know.
i work sometimes and get paid well , but i always lie and say i havent been paid or have been paid short.
i love her and need her and want to change but i always end up in a drunken stuper .
she knows i drink heavily but never questions it and she knows nothing of my debts or our situation.
how do i tell her and how do i sort this out ?

RAS

Hi

What are the bailiffs coming for, Council tax of fines or what, as that affects their ability to do things.

If you hunt around here there are a number of people with drink problems and debt problems. I will try and ask someone to drop in on you.

With respect to your drinking, if you are ending up in stupor, your OH knows.

With respect to the debt, she needs to know sooner rather than later.

One good idea would be to do a Statement of Affairs here to show what the extent of the problems are, and we may be able to help you find ways forward. YOu can find a template here http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html You will have to format it for MSe and remove the link to the website at the bottom of the SOA. AS a newbie, you are not allowed to post links.

For the future, I think you will find that if you sort out the booze, the debts can be cleaned up one way or another.

The following debt charities can help you https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2077631

alcoholic

the booze has taken over my life. debts are for council tax , credit cards and bank

RAS

OK

The Council Tax is the most awkward one; bailiffs get involved early and since the debt is jointly and severally owed they will go after your wife's stuff as well.

Do either of you have a car?

rosyw

Firstly - I don't think you are a waste of time.
If, as you say, you love your partner, you really must find a way top tell her, if she loves you she will want to help, but if the bailiffs turn up and you're not there she will be in for a big shock! If you can't face her, then write it all down in a letter and hand it to her. Also go to your GP, they will sort out help for you, and YES, it will be very hard to beat, but it can be done! I used to drink, not heavily, but every night, until I ended up in hospital with pancreatitis! I was told it was probably caused by my drinking 2 o 3 glasses of wine a night over a period of years, and believe me the pain was horrendous. I've hardly touched a drop since, I've had times when I could have really done with a drink, when my husband died for instance, but the thought of maybe going through that pain again has stopped me. So tell your partner, and see your GP BEFORE you get any serious health problems and/or lose your home because of it.

Marru

First: get hold of the true picture as RAS said. What is coming in, what is going out. What are the most urgent things to sort out. Post it here we might be able to help.

Second: tell your partner and let her help you. If you think that you are not safe handling money as you would not use it to pay bills and would use it to booze then let her be in charge of the money and talk, talk, talk.

wattapain

Hi - I agree with Rosy - you really do need to see your Gp - they will be only too glad to help you - they can sort out counselling etc.
Also, how about AA - usually great, impartial advice.
Samaritans too can help.
All of them can help you to help yourself.
but the main thing is, you recognise you need help - first step is always the biggest - and hardest!
Terri

SimIsOnTheUp

alcoholic wrote: »

as my name says , am but dont want to be. just writing this before i get drunk (again )
and to all of you who think i am a waste of time , you are probably right.
how do i beat this ?
hidden it from my partner for too long and now risking our home and happiness for a single pint of lager
i must be the biggest !!!!!! on this site but i want to change.
i have sold everything we own that she wouldnt notice ( dvds etc) and pawned everything else . bailiffs coming and she doesnt even know.
i work sometimes and get paid well , but i always lie and say i havent been paid or have been paid short.
i love her and need her and want to change but i always end up in a drunken stuper .
she knows i drink heavily but never questions it and she knows nothing of my debts or our situation.
how do i tell her and how do i sort this out ?

Hiya,

Sorry to read that you're having a rough time of it with the booze.

You sound like I've been!

I'm not one for cliches, but this can be beaten 'a day at a time'.

As RAS says, if you focus on staying sober, then the debts will get sorted too with time.

Maybe this evening, you could write down two lists; 'What booze gives me' / 'What booze takes away' ?

Go steady,

Sim.

CornishW

You could do an Internet search into something called SMART Recovery (Self Management and Recovery Training). Their website has various tools to help alcoholics/addicts quit drinking/using based on rational recovery/cognitive behavioural therapy principles. It's an alternative to AA, if you find that the 12 step approach doesn't work for you. They also have an online forum so you can discuss your problems with other alcoholics. (I should point out that I have no connection to the running of their website!) Their techniques may help people with problems of overspending too.

Others will be along to help you with you financial issues who have been in your position and will give you great advice.

SimIsOnTheUp

As Marru and Rosy say above - seconded.

Talk to your partner.

It's the insidious lack of trust that creeps in between two people, where booze in concerned.

Talk to each other, and it'll come back.

snoop2008

Hiya there, you could give Drinkline a call they are there to help you get the support you need!!

Helpline: 0800 917 8282

You are not a waste of space, far from it. Addiction is not easy to confront but YOU WANT TO CHANGE!! thats taken responsibility!!
Please don't beat yourself up!! I can understand why you do, but it does sound as if your ready to get the help you need. I wish you well you and your family.