What if he says no?

SurreyBear

Hi all,

I suspect the question I am asking at the end of this is one that many people think about too.

I am thinking about proposing to my boyfriend. We have been together for four years and lived together for one. The problem is that his parents don't know that he is gay and there are some potential Indian cultural issues. That said, his brother knows and we all get one well and meet socially.

My question really is - what if he says no? I wouldn't take it to be about us but about other issues. But where would our relationship go from there? How do you go back to what the relationship was after a rejection?

ANy thoughts?

tanith

I think your proposal should be in the form of a 'discussion about our future' firstly, so you can both air any concerns or not about where you are going. That way you will have some idea of what his reaction would be if you did formally propose. I wish you both good luck.

Counting_Pennies_2

Before we got engaged we had many years about talking about the future and of marriage etc.

Even the proposal started with 'you know we have been speaking about.....'

So I would just discuss, don't go doing a wizz bang down on a knee moment.

pupsicola

SurreyBear wrote: »

I wouldn't take it to be about us but about other issues. But where would our relationship go from there? How do you go back to what the relationship was after a rejection?

ANy thoughts?

You say you wouldn't take it to be about the two of you if he says no. So it wouldn't be a personal rejection, or a rejection of your relationship with each other. More to do with society and family issues.

In which case why cant your relationship just go on as normal. Think you need to get it clear in your head exactly how you would view it before you say anything. You contradict your feelings in your post.

Bloomin_Freezing2

tanith wrote: »

I think your proposal should be in the form of a 'discussion about our future' firstly, so you can both air any concerns or not about where you are going. That way you will have some idea of what his reaction would be if you did formally propose. I wish you both good luck.

I agree with this. Also, might he might want to tell his parents he's gay (in his own time) before accepting a proposal? Best to see how the land lies first.