Does you husband still go out with his mates?

dandy-candy

When I met my hub he was 31 and had been single for about 7 years. He was in the habit of meeting up with his friends (all male) at one of their houses every Friday night and playing the board game risk or cards until 2 am. He's going to be 47 in a few months time, and over the years we've moved in together, got married, had a family....and still he meets his mates every Friday night. If ever an "event" is on a Friday (like one of the kids birthdays etc) he switches to playing on Saturday - the point is he can never miss one night a week with his mates. Now I know it's nothing sinister, I can phone him 100 times if I wanted to, and it's just guys, but do other married men do this? I asked him tonight "Is this going to go on forever? Even when i'm 70 will you be ditching me on a Friday night still?" and he said "Probably". He thinks it shouldn't be a problem as his mates all are happy to meet up but tbf they are all single and planning on staying that way. I can't exactly explain why it pees me off other than to say that he has taken me out (without the kids) about 3 times in the last year and when he's at home with me he just lies on the sofa watching TV and is too tired to go out. If I ask to go to a movie he will take me but it's always me who has to instigate it. It bugs me that he doesn't think it would be nice to take me out regularly. Do other hubs go out without their wives or do you go out as a couple usually?

BangorJane

Mine has a "lads night" every Monday for the last 8 years or so, same thing, can't cancel it.I think I would have more of an issue if it were a Friday though. men do like their routines.....:silenced:

mountainofdebt

Yeap mine of 20 years does this.

Admittedly it's to a lodge meeting (he's a freemason) so it only happens from about Oct - Jun but tbh it doesn't bother me know - I see it has having 'me' time as well. when I was having a 'moment' I deliberately booked up for us to go out on a night when he would normally have been going out with the lodge but I felt awful afterwards as it was almost a test of whether he would kick up a fuss or not (btw he didn't!)

In fairness to your OH it sounds as if fridays are not set in stone and that he's willing to move the night - and again tbh I have to initate going out as well.

His mates may plan on being single but you never know what will happen in the future,lol!

Have you thought about having a date night once a month?

nearlyrich

My DH rarely goes out with mates, he goes to meetings some nights and to the pub with or without me I sometimes have dinner with my girlfriends but nothing rigidly set in stone for every week.I do know people who have nights out without their partner every week and Friday seems to be the night they choose.

Fang_3

How many times have you taken him out? Do you not go out with your friends? If not it's wrong of you to resent him having a small social life because you don't have one.

dandy-candy

I make a point of seeing my friends during the day before he gets home (we're all mums). A couple of times when I stayed chatting and forgot the time he would start ringing me wanting me home. When you say about me taking him out, I said already that it only happens when I instigate it. If you mean paying for him, I always offer to tho usually he wants to pay.

tara747

I love it when my OH goes out with his friends, it's nice to have the house to myself the odd time! Having said that, we go out as a couple a lot too. If he only ever went out with friends and not me, I wouldn't be too happy. I have nights out with my friends too, it's healthy to have some independence imho. They're not fixed nights and not every week, btw.

Crazy_Jamie

There is nothing wrong with him having his own social life. It seems that the reason why it irritates you is not due to him and his mates per se, but more to do with what you perceive to be him not spending enough time with you and/or the kids. That's understandable but the two are separate issues; it's not as if he can be accused of shirking you and the kids for his friends, because one night a week with them still leaves the other six.

Why don't you try to find some middle ground in terms of the time that you or the kids spend with him? In other words, rather than expecting him to actually take you out, why don't you do something together in the house such as playing board games? You can spend quality time together without making something an event. Either way if you work on this area and start spending more quality together, you'll almost inevitably become far more tolerant of the time that he spends with his friends.

[Deleted User]

Yes my husband of 17 years goes out with his mates. They now go into the "old farts pubs" (their term) where it is quieter and they can chat as they are all getting older now. It is not every week just as and when arranged.

As we live in the middle of nowhere I also drop him off and pick him up if he fancies a drink (and this is about an hours drive each way too). I am glad he has friends and a chance to catch up with them.

paddedjohn

I had a mate who used to go out every friday for about 35yrs, i saw him once on a friday evening, walking around the park as he was a bit skint and couldnt afford a couple of pints but there was no way he was staying in, it would be the start of a slippery slope he said. He stayed out untill his usual 11.30.

belfastgirl23

I think you need to get to the bottom of why this annoys you. I don't think you're going to change this behaviour, if he was doing it before he met you and has been doing it for the 16 years of your marriage he isn't going to stop. And in some ways understandably so, if you haven't really objected before, it would be very reasonable for him to ask what has changed. Which is why you need to be ahead of him on this.

it sounds to me like the problem is basically a sort of a mid life crisis, the kids are up a bit and don't need you the same way and you finally have time to think! And what you're thinking is what's the point of all this and that you would like to be taken out and made to feel a bit special sometimes. That is very common in relationships. But if that's what you want, there's no point in attacking his nights out, either see if some of your friends would like to go out at night (child free!) or tell him that you want to go for a meal together or go to the cinema together once a month or whatever it is. (As an aside, I bet if you suggested a bored mum's club you'd find a few willing volunteers a version of this story appears on this board pretty often)

Whatever it is that you want, ask for it, but don't get into complaining about what he has.