Live with Ex & child - Help!!

avfcforever

Hi all,

I'm not sure whether a similar thread exists (I searched but couldn't see one!)

I have a relatively complicated relationship break up situation (aren't they all!) that I'd really appreciate some advice with.

My ex finished our relationship in late November 2010. We have a son who turned 2 in Dec 2010, and as I'm from an 'unbroken' home I tried everything I could to make it work and asked her if we could at least try over Christmas / New Year. The answer was no. To complicate things more, I'm in full time employment, and although my ex was, she has gone back to full time education to do a masters. We live in the midlands (as do my parents), her family live in Manchester. She does not intend to move back up to Manchester until she has finished her course, so in the meantime we are living in the same house that we both pay half each for mortgage/bills/food/etc. She doesn't want to sell the house, and says I have to have her consent to start to do so. I put in a significant deposit when we bought it in 2007, she didn't.

So, I don't know where to start. My priority is having access to my son and not being totally shaffted financially! I have been advised by friends not to move out (regardless of how unbearable) as this would appear as if I have walked out on the mum and child. I have also been advised not to get with anyone else as this could be seen in the same way. This is very new to me, and something I've very worried about and would appreciate and friendly or constructive advice.

Thanks in advance

Gavin

Dave101t

sorry to make a presumption here but your not married?
marriage before kids isnt just an old fashioned antiquated social norm, it serves the purpose of minimising the risk of this exact situation.
although, the money you put down for deposit will likely be subtracted before splitting the house in the event of a sale, so you will at least get that back eventually.

why not kick her out and apply for sole custody? its your house? even if not, she cant support the child like you can.
or get back together 'for the childs sake'?

BARGAINHUNTER!

Are you married? Did you buy the house in joint names?

avfcforever

We are not married, and the house is in joint names

zzzLazyDaisy

Dave101t wrote: »

the money you put down for deposit will likely be subtracted before splitting the house in the event of a sale, so you will at least get that back eventually.

If the house is owned as 'joint tenants' (the usual way to buy a house) then this is not the case. When the house is sold both will be entitled to 50% of the net proceeds, regardless of how much each has paid (and equally entitled to live in it)

The only way to avoid this is to buy the house as tenants in common in unequal shares - but if that was the case, OP would be aware of it.

It is not true that you need her permission to put the house up for sale - but you do need her consent and signature to exchange contracts and complete the sale.

avfcforever

We did make it clear when buying that we wanted 50/50 after the deposit was taken and the solicitor advised he had arranged it accordingly (so the unequal partnership is probably what he did).

As we are not married it is difficult to clearly define when and who ended the relationship (I.e. We can't file for divorce, therefore making it official) so does anyone know where I stand if I move out / start 'seeing' other people?

In regards to going for sole custody, although this is something that I have considered, everything I have heard suggests no matter how hard I tried the courts will always favour the mum unless there is likelyhood of harm, etc, which there isn't.

Thankyou so much for the fast and helpful responses so far

BARGAINHUNTER!

I was in a similar position to you - I lived in a property myself and my ex purchased together, he paid the deposit out of sale of his former home (which was in his name only) and we had children and were not married.

When we seperated we both saw solicitors, who recommeded we both go to mediation in order to split things up and decide on childcare etc. One option that was open to us was to sell house and split profits. I decided I wanted to stay and my ex agreed to this. I had to re-mortgage so house was in my sole name as he wanted to purchase another property. I also agreed to give him a lump sum equal to the amount that he put down as a deposit. He had charge put on the house for 50% which means I cant sell it without giving him his money. Once we had sorted everything out at mediation the mediators wrote to our respective solicitors and the solicitors drew up a deed of seperation which we both signed. So a bit like a divorce but obviously no marriage to dissolve, just assets and children!

Go and see a solicitor for free 1/2 hour advice.

BARGAINHUNTER!

And don't move out of house!!!!

rachbc

My ex and I stayed in the house til we sold it- went to mediation and agreed a split we both were happy with. We started with joint 50/50 contact with son but this as gradually changed to alternate weekend with him

curlytop12

hi
try the mediation route to negotiate splitting of assets,making child access arrangements etc.
first priority is,even though your son is very young,making the split as amicable as possible for both his sake and yours/ex-partner.
not sure why you "seeing" someone else would affect things-just depends what your priorities are and how quickly you want to move on?
you shouldn't need to move out.
if you can sleep in different rooms,cook seperately,"live apart" as such though in same house your ex may be able to claim child tax credit?
good luck.