Help please... :)

cabbage72

Hi everyone. I posted this on the 'debt free wannabe' forum and someone on there suggested I post here, because some of you may have been through something similar.
Hi all

I am a newbie here and desperate for some advice.

I have a little girl of 5 and am a single parent, currently separated from husband. We left 19 months ago after my marriage broke down and we were arguing constantly. Things were very unpleasant - I think I have blocked most of it out tbh.

I decided to leave as I am a student and claim housing benefit on my rented flat, which is a good price for the area we live in, but freezing cold all the time. We have two storage heaters in the flat - the rest are panel heaters and I can't afford to put them on. The storage heaters do not keep the flat warm at all. There is mould above the windows etc and me and my little girl have a permanent chesty cough. I have a joint mortgage with my ex and he lives about ten minutes away from me in a huge 3 bed house. He has been paying the mortgage since I left as I am on a student income. We have debts from the marriage which to be honest, I have ignored and pretended don't exist. They are all in my name, and although he has agreed to pay them once the house is sold from any equity, he won't help pay them now. I don't know what state my debts are in - I don't open the envelopes. Please don't have a go at me for this - I know I should. I am deeply worried and upset.

Anyway, we need to sell our house and he agrees this. But the problem is, he is a complete and utter slob. The house looks worse than any student house I have ever seen, it stinks, there is rubbish all over the garden. It needs to be decorated etc in order to sell and certainly cleaned and tidied. If we had anyone going to see it at the moment, they would walk out and certainly knock us down. In today's market, it needs to look as good as it can. He said he wants me to help him do it up, clean it etc in order to sell it but I have this house to run, uni, and a little girl to look after too. I am happy helping but it means running back there all the time to get it ready for sale etc - I cleaned it for valuation and it was disgusting two days later.

I proposed to him that as my notice has expired, and our flat is cold, and we cannot afford accommodation around here, which means if I move it will be out of the area and my little girl will have to change schools, we move back there with the sole purpose of getting it sold. It will be much more stylish, smell nice, I can paint it whilst living there and keep on top of it etc. He refused this and said he will move out if I move back. My dilemma is I want to be debt free and move on with my life, I have money that is tied up in the house - not much but enough to clear my debts, I want to address the situation but he is being obstructive. If he moves out, I cannot pay the mortgage on my student income. What would I do about the mortgage?

Oh I am so confused.
X

Plans_all_plans

Hi cabbage! Firstly, have you seen a solicitor about a divorce? You really need to do so, so that a financial settlement can be agreed. Don't agree to anything about the house until you've seen a solicitor.

Is he paying maintenance for your daughter? If not (and a private arrangement is likely to be unworkable) then talk to the CSA about formalising this.

Are you claiming all the benefits you're entitled to? Maybe visit your local CAB to see if there's anything else you're entitled to. Does your daughter qualify for free school meals etc?

Also, as you are a student (withn a dependent) I'd defintiely apply to the Access to Learning Fund at your university. This is a pot of money that the university controls to give out to students experiencing financial difficulties. I received £400 from it while I was a student and my friend got £1k. Any money you may get from this could help with the heating situation in the short term.

Finally, have you spoken to your landlord about the heating situation and mould etc? This is unhealthy for your child. Are you on the cheapest tarriff with your utilities?

Best of luck.

pupsicola

Didn't want to read and run. I agree with all the previous poster wrote. As annoying and tiring as it is I would just get on with cleaning and doing the house up and sell it asap. Do see a solicitor and agree how it will be split.

Also open all letters regarding your debt. Painfull and worrying as it will be, best to know exactly where you stand so you can make plans and see if you can clear it.

You are not going to move forward and start a happy new life till you sort this out.

meritaten

hun, you would be perfectly entitled to go back, especially as soon to be ex says he will move out! provided he still pays the mortgage that is! in exchange for YOU doing the hard work of getting the house saleable! DONT ignore the debt letters - I am sure the other board gave you lots of good advice there though.