what exactly does "open access" mean

caris

We have a child under a residency order and this has been in place for a number of years now. When the order was granted the mother was given open access. We have always allowed her to see her child when she wanted, and until last year she only saw him when she felt like it. The child ended up with emotional problems and last year it was decided that she would have him stay every other weekend from Friday till Sunday late afternoon. She wold occassionally pop over during other days, but due ti the fact that he does not get home from school till between 4,30 and 4.45 (school bus) she only sees him for anything from 10 mins to half an hour as she leaves to be home for her partner getting home from work. She works part time.

Yesterday there was an almighty family row and she said she want to see more of the child as it not fair on her. We initially said that it was not really practical during the week because of time restrictions due to the fact that after the time he gets home, he has his tea, does homework, the has "free" time and has a bath and he's to be in bed by 9pm (he's 11), as he has to be up at 6.30 am to get ready for school. She did not like this so we said we would allow him to be picked up one night a week from school for him to spend the night at hers but she must either take him to school herself which would be nearly a 40 mile round trip or bring him back here to get on the school bus. This was not acceptable as she said she could not move her work hours like that. So we said that she could collect him from school on the Friday and take him back to school or bring him back for the bus on the Monday morning, this was still no good as she said it was still not enough time.

We wont allow her to have him the other weekends as that means my OH and I have no real time together to do things as a family unit. We agreed last year that she could have him during some of the school holidays but this works out that if she cant get the time off her partner looks after him.

We really dont know how to work this out as we have never stopped her seeing him, she's the one who finds excuses.

We always thought that "open access" meant that she had free reign to see her son whenever, but that did not necessarilly mean for him to stay at her house. I dont really think that we are being unreasonable with our requests as its her that finds reasons that they wont work.

Any constructive comments would be appreciated.

thorsoak

At 11 years old, the lad should have some input into how much time HE wants to spend with his mother .... have you asked what he wants? A court would put a lot of weight on his wishes - after all, it really is about him rather than the adults, imo.

paddy's_mum

I've no experience in this field but commonsense would suggest that open access doesn't mean that an entire household dances to the tune of the parent seeking access.

Would splitting the difference on the driving on the Friday night through till Monday morning work if your husband took him to the mother's house, thereby cutting the time/expense of the distances but also because it shows any authority that may become involved that you and the Dad have bent over backwards to be fair. It would not be unreasonable in those circumstances to expect the mother to deliver him back to school on Monday morning, that being one trip not two per weekend visit.

Alternatively, the parents must just agree to wait a year or two until the child is old enough to do some of the travelling by himself on public transport.

Not easy and I hope it all works out with the least amount of aggro.

rachbc

Its not about what either his mum wants or you 'allow' - in terms of the law its about whats best for him - and certainly at 11 I would expect him to have some say in the matter too.

caris

Thank you for comments.

The point about letting the child make the journey himself is not an option as there is no public transport as we live in a rural village and there is no direct transport from the school to where his mother lives or the village.

It would not be his "dad" as there is no dad in the picture, there is just the mother and which ever partner. My OH leaves for work at 4.30am in the mornings, so that is out of the question and I have no access to transport.

The point of allowing the child to make more desisions about the time he spends with his mother we have always encourage him to make those desisions however, he only appears to make the desision to see her more if he has been told off at home or is not getting his own way, he then uses his mother as a tool, once he has calmed down, and everything is settled again he then turns round and says he doesnt want to go to his mums at times when arrangements have been made his mother readily cancels for one reason or another, or she will not come to see him when he asks.

This situation does cause alot of emotional upset which his mother seems to thrive on, this is why we dont know what to do.

caris

Just to add that it was the GS decision to live with us in the first place, and it was in the view of the solicitor at the time that it was best, we were meant to be seen by CAFCAS, but, before seeing them, the mother just bought him to our house and left him, it was then decided that he should live with us permantly.