at my wits end

diable

6 months is a long time and anything can happen, as a last resort as he walks out the door throw yourself at his leg and hold on tightly screaming and crying loudly (so all the neighbours can hear) asking for him not to leave, you love him, are afraid of losing him blah blah blah ;o))))

Mojisola

judy2357 wrote: »

Totally agree with this, to make a big thing of not having his name on the Birth Certificate might be a mistake at this stage. No doubt during the next 6 months he will come moaning to you about something in their relationship (Ive got 2 adult sons of my own so know from experence), then would be a better time to inform him what the consequences of being responsible for child who is not his would be.

And not just for him - there's a child involved. You can ask him how he would feel if he found out that the man named on his birth certificate wasn't his real father!

Primrose

Why not just leave a letter on his pillow listing all the things he would have to sacrifice if he allows his name to be put on his girfriend's baby's birth certificate.

Call it: "So You Want to be a Dad?"

1. Remind him that if he's liable for child support, he will be pursued for money for the next 18 years, and possibly even longer if that child goes to university. Does the have the generosity to go put himself at the bottom of the financial priority list for that period of time to fund the child?


2. Remind him he may never be able to afford to buy a house with a subsequent permanent girlfriend if this relationship doesn't last because he'll never have any spare cash.

3. Point out that this child will be the cause of permanent problems in any subsequent relationship and could possibly sour things to the point where it could break up.

4. Remind him that most of the things his friends enjoy, like cars, foreign holidays, and other material things will be out of his financial reach. How will he feel about funding this child, which isn't even his biological child, long after the relationship could have broken up? How will a future partner feel, that he has been so stupid as to not think things through? And how will he deal with that resentment?

5. If he's so keen to sponsor a child, why doesn't he sponsor an African child somewhere? At least he could then walk away without his pocket being affected when the initial excitement of it all wears off.

6. Has he considered that you would not want to be a Grandmother to this child who has no biological connections to you? How will he expect you to behave towards it? I doubt whether he has even considered that you might have feelings in the matter.

7. Ask him how he can possibly think he is old enough or responsible enough to take on parentage of a baby when he can't even manage his own personal affairs sufficiently well to avoid getting involved in a disciplinary at work and losing the chance of a rented flat?

I think this is obviously a big concern for you and your son doesn't sound terribly mature for his age. If I were in your shoes I'd worry less about disclosing a confidence and worry more than he hasn't thought all these implications through.

You don't need to have a big row about it. Just leave the letter on his bed for him, telling him you understand he has the right to make his own decisions, but you don't want him to have to bear the financial consequences for the rest of his life without having seriously considered what is involved. It may just start to sow a few seeds of doubt in his mind.

Mojisola

He doesn't need to worry about having to pay child support if they break up. If the CSA ever gets in contact, all he has to do is say that he is not the biological father and ask for a DNA test. The test will show there is no relationship. If the mother refuses to let the child be tested, her claim will not go any further.

Jinx

poppett wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies. I just want to clear something up first, I had no intentions of having a go at my son I just wanted to try and tell him of the consequences of his actions but as you can guess this would be interpreted as "interfering or nagging." I, as a parent would back my kids 100%. I have no intentions of slagging his girlfriend off because has I have said to a close friend of mine, a lot of girls have children when they meet someone new and I have no problems with my any of my kids taking on someone else's child, I was just a bit wary of my son adding his name to the birth certificate. My own husband took on my kids when we got together, I admire a man that is willing to do that.

I have decided to leave it a while and see what happens. Who knows what might happen in the next 6 months. But I do appreciate all the replies you lovely people have sent me. Thank you.

Maybe he thinks this is the same type of situation and wants to emulate his dads sucess....

ixia

I would just leave it for now still got 6 months to go and anything could happen within that time. You know what it's like when you are young and think you are madly in love you don't want to listen to anything negative about your bf/gf especially from your parents.

Hope it all works out.

affordmylife

just wanted to say what a lovely thoughtful son you have wanting to take care of a young lady who has got herself into a bit of a pickle.

full credit to him xx

poppett

Primrose, what a fantastic idea, easier than trying to talk to him and have him storm off. I will keep that idea in mind if he still thinks its a good idea in a few months time. It would probably end up screwed upon the bedroom floor initially but I bet curiosity would get the better of him eventually. Thanks for the idea.

rosie-lee

Perhaps also get him a leaflet from your local register office. It is an offence under the perjury act (something along those lines), to sign a registration document stating that you are the child's biological father, in the full knowledge that you are not.

Not suggesting that he's likely to get carted off to prison or anything dramtic like that, BUT he would be lying on a legal document, and it should be considered.
Especially if the situation arose in the future with CSA, as an above poster mentioned, where he needs to declare that the child is not his.

[Deleted User]

Hi,

eh, what happens if the real father comes back into the picture when the baby is born and decides that he wants to assert his parental right?