Transferring Home to Children

askakd

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

As a single woman your mother probably has something like a one in three or one in four chance of needing residential care

that's an interesting statistic. please could you tell me where you got it from beacause all the information I can find suggests its a lot less

i.e. 2.1% of people (208,530) aged
65 and above were living in care homes
(supported by their council) in 2009,
compared to 2.5% (241,200) in 2005

http://www.cqc.org.uk/_db/_documents/CQC_Exec_Summary_2009_18.pdf

Mojisola

Nemesis201077 wrote: »

We've both told her that we'd be happy for her to live with us, should she need care, rather than going into a care home (a prospect that terrifys her). After all she has looked after us for all the time we were growing up, so it's our turn now. In order to make our houses suitable for her to stay we may have to extend the house or add an annex, potentially with some of he proceeds from the sale of her current property as we would not have these funds ourselves.

This is a wonderful aim to have but don't make promises about it. Coping for a doubly-incontinent dementia patient who needs attention day and night is beyond most people's capabilities.

The home care would presumably involve us having NHS providing trained staff to visit, but it's not social care as we provide the accommodation? I'm not quite sure how all that works, does anyone have information or links about providing care at home?

If you have any assets - and if your mother had sold up to move in with you she presumably would have money - you have to pay for care. Carers aren't NHS trained. You have to organise your own or go through an agency. Doctors and nurses would visit for medical problems if it wasn't possible for her to get to a surgery.

Also, if she was to live with us for some years in this manner, but then requires full time care would the council view the previous disposal of the house and investment in extending her children's property as disposal of her assets? or would she be means tested on the remainder held in her savings/investments?

I don't think it would be regarded as deprivation of assets because the money had been spent in order to cope with increasing needs.

She doesn't want to go into care, and has told us she'd rather die. Naturally we'd rather that didn't happen.

It would be worth having a look at some of the best homes around you and talking to the residents. I know some people who love being in their care homes. They are in good ones and they say it's like being on holiday all the time and staying in a top hotel.

John_Pierpoint

askakd wrote: »

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

As a single woman your mother probably has something like a one in three or one in four chance of needing residential care

that's an interesting statistic. please could you tell me where you got it from beacause all the information I can find suggests its a lot less

i.e. 2.1% of people (208,530) aged
65 and above were living in care homes
(supported by their council) in 2009,
compared to 2.5% (241,200) in 2005

http://www.cqc.org.uk/_db/_documents/CQC_Exec_Summary_2009_18.pdf

Perhaps we are at cross purposes, I think the average woman dies at 80 something these days.
I think the majority of elderly woman are still cared for in the community BUT they do need virtually 24 hour hour care from someone, rich ones can afford an agency carer.

I think the average stay for those who eventually have to go into care is only two or three years, costing (say) 25K and upwards per year.

In this discussion we are talking about "self funders" - those with a net worth of more than 20 - 30K.

My comments are partly personal experience with elderly relatives and partly an interview I heard with a member of what is now "Age UK" but if you can pin down the statistics more accurately, that would be useful.

Mojisola wrote: »

It would be worth having a look at some of the best homes around you and talking to the residents. I know some people who love being in their care homes. They are in good ones and they say it's like being on holiday all the time and staying in a top hotel.

I don't think that sort of home will be very keen to take a doubly incontinent and demented hotel guest? My late grandmother had a room in such a place but when she started boiling her kettle dry and not fitting in with the other residents, my parents were told to take her somewhere else.

le_loup

Can I respectfully suggest that your family's poor experience is not necessarily any more representative of all care homes than my family's good experience is representative.
There are some horrors out there which do come to light, but how many are there in total and how many does local television throw up as bad?

John_Pierpoint

Each home is regularly inspected and the results are available on-line.
However, and this might be geographical, elderly care is not usually a career choice for those who have to look after often difficult elderly people, just compare the wage rates and conditions offered for a live in nanny and a live in carer of the elderly. The job is is some way similar.

Those who are doing it are doing it for the money. I have sat in the dining rooms of care homes and listened to the failure of communication between the inmates and the staff.

Anyone who has heard today about the findings of the NHS ombudsman, criticizing the nursing care of the elderly, will know where I am coming from.

Should we discuss the pros and cons of catheters?

Mojisola

John_Pierpoint wrote: »

I don't think that sort of home will be very keen to take a doubly incontinent and demented hotel guest? My late grandmother had a room in such a place but when she started boiling her kettle dry and not fitting in with the other residents, my parents were told to take her somewhere else.

One of them is a specialist dementia unit and people stay there until they die, however badly they deteriorate.

le_loup

John, you said earlier:
"Putting someone into a home, who has failing memory and mental facilities is not a very kind thing to do as it is the recent knowledge that is lost first - it is like going through the family photo album and tearing our random pages as you work backwards."
All I'm doing is saying that my experience is different to yours. What's more, many people that I know of my age are facing the same dilemma with parents and "generally" their experience is similar to mine. AND I have personally observed the kindest, sweetest, caring attitude from "minimum wage" carers that, if I listened to the tabloids, I could never believe existed. Of course the recent ombudsman report criticises higher paid nurses and doctors, not care homes, so citing that in aid is pretty indicative of a prejudice, no matter how caused.
Of course, as I said earlier, there will be some bad ones, but this general bad mouthing of all and the suggestion that it is unkind is just unreasonable. AND, you are a reasonable person based on the generally helpful posts you make here.
So, based upon each of our personal experiences, we must agree to differ.

Nemesis201077

Hi all,

Thanks for the replies to some of my questions.

I do already have a good knowledge of the local care home as my partners grandparent were admitted when they could no-longer remain at home due to failing health of one and the onset of dementia in another.

I'm well aware some homes appear to provide a better level of support than others and have a lot of respect for people who make a career in this profession.

I'm pretty sure we'd go down the route of having her live with us should she not be able to live alone due to ill health but still have all her faculties. But should more medical care be required at a later stage then see about residential care.

Incidentaly, it's not just dementia care that would be of concern. Supposing she became unable to climb the stairs in her current place due to ill health, she obviously couldn't stay there, but I'm sure we could look after her at ours.

Not only would that keep her happier it would also mean her assests aren't eroded needlessly buy jumping at the residential care route too soon.

cte1111

JJ2734 wrote: »

Then stop visiting the site and go and get yourself a job and pay some taxes!

How nice. FYI, I have paid plenty of taxes, having earned enough to pay off my mortgage by the age of 30. I have no need or desire to force my parents into the cheapest care homes in order to ensure I inherit their house.

I do however uphold the need for there to be a free care system for people who have no other options. This would include my husband's grandmother who worked as a cleaner and foster carer. These occupations did not allow her to have savings or at any point apply for a mortgage. So not all of the people who end their days in care are lazy spongers.

You don't need to believe everything you read in the Daily Mail.