Fed up...

katebl

Hi all,

Was trying to post on another thread but it wouldn't let me log in to reply :mad: so have had to start a new thread. I'm not really sure what advice can be given to me as I think all I need is a kick up the bum really. I am just going to get everything off my chest and if anyone wants to comment or tell me to grow up please feel free.

Recently I have no enthusiasm for anything or anyone, and it's getting to the point where I start to panic at the thought of even meeting up with friends because I can't be bothered to listen to all the fabulous things they've done recently while my life just passes me by. I have a good number of close friends but all have their own stuff going on and I don't really feel I can spring a sobbing bout on anyone.

I have been at my job for a few years now and it's not what I want to do but I'm sticking it out while I study to hopefully improve my career prospects. Even studying gets too much for me at the moment and I convince myself I can't do it when on a good day I know realistically if I put the effort in I could.

I have been with my OH for 3 and a half years now, we live together and have been thinking about getting a bigger place soon, however recently I am doubting we can manage it and some times I'm not even sure it's what I want. He is skint but always borrows money from me (I must point out he does pay me back) but that stresses me out as I have to keep track of it all and I have debts to pay off which are seeming to take forever. Just when I think I can get myself into a routine something comes and sets me back and I can't see the wood for the trees again.

I am pretty emotionally distant from my family, to be honest I feel left out a lot of the time as they seem to all get on a lot better than me and I feel awkward like I can't relate to them. My Dad passed away in 2009 and I find it hard to talk to anyone about it as some of them are quite self-pitying about it all when they didn't even like him when he was alive. I don't talk to my Mum about it for fear of upsetting her. In my worst moments I blame myself for not being there and giving him a shot at surviving (pretty sure what happened in the ambulance contributed to his dying shortly after arrival at hospital and I should have been there to take him) and then I irrationally blame my OH (could never tell him this) for being the reason I no longer lived at home. I can't stand his family, they put upon me all the time, and he makes out he will stand up for me but gives in for a quiet life even though they have let him down in the past.

I have also put on weight recently (literally eating [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL] that's done it) but I can't even be bothered to do anything about that except for berate myself every time I look in the mirror.

So.... Where do I start to sort myself out? I feel like I have wasted my life so far, and although those who know me would think I am fairly fortunate and cheerful, I'm really not. If anyone has any thoughts please share?

(If you got to the end thanks for sticking with me and sorry if I bored you)

jammy_dodger

hi katebl didnt want to just read and not leave you any of my thoughts
sounds slike you are in quite a rut but by writing all this stuff down it shows to me that you are ready to make changes
i would write down small achievable goals for yourself , maybe start with a more healthy eating regime to reduce your weight gain , exercise it does a world of good all those released endorphins and if you set small goals you will certainly feel better about yourself and know that YOU can make a difference to your own life rather than rely on others
sounds like you need to speak to someone about your fathers death too i would go see gp to seek some councelling or a professional objective ear
good to hear you are studying to get yourself into a better job as long as the study will lead to a job you want to be involved in
just have a quiet think and set yourself some goals

i wish you well

soupdragon10

Losing your dad must have been an awful blow and it sounds as though you haven't really been able to talk to anyone about how you feel. Do you have a CRUSE service in your area? They are specialist bereavement support service, and it may help to speak to them as a starting point. This is their website http://www.cruse.org.uk/

It does sound as though things have really got on top of you. If CRUSE aren't local, perhaps having a chat with your GP might help - I know my surgery have a counsellor attached who you can be referred to.

I do hope things start to get better very soon.

katebl

Thanks to you both for the replies... I haven't ever really thought of CRUSE or anything similar to be honest, but I will look into that for my area. We don't speak to my dad's side of the family and I don;t want to sound to people like I'm dragging it up as it seems so long ago now.

jammy dodger, I know what you mean about goals, I have set myself tasks for the end of next month, etc, however I am the world's best procrastinator and someone always wants a favour that takes up my time so I never seem to get anything done. I am trying to spruce up our place if we do move but am having to do it alone as OH is not particularly bothered if we live in a pit so half the time recently I have decorating to do on top of cleaning and shopping!

PhilipP_2

It seems like you need time for YOURSELF! From what you are saying, you live in a nice routine where you lost track of who you are and what you want. And all of a sudden you came back to reality and started realizing you are not happy.
My advice is to seek counseling. Counseling will allow you to take an hour/week or every 2 weeks for yourself, and to talk to someone that is independent (no judgement), and is here to listen to you and help you. Trying to get out of this by yourself will require a lot of courage, and there are things you might not know about yourself that only a counselor will be able to help you out with.
I wish you good luck.

choille

Why do you want a bigger place? You don't sound too sure about it.

You come across as being dissatisfied with the division of chores & money? You sound as if you resent having to do the decorating. You say that you are in debt so why move to a bigger & possibly more expensive place?

I think you need to sit down with your OH & discuss things like money as it seems a bit of a vague muddle that is not helping you to think clearly. You also need to discuss house hold chores or else you'll feel more & more resentful.
If you concentrate on using your money to clear your own debt before anything then that might help you feel a bit more in control. Only suggestions of course - just my quick thoughts on it.

youngie

does your oh realise how you feel sometimes its hard to talk to those closest to you and they don't always realise that there is a problem. try to make time to sit down and calmly talk over all the things that are niggling at you and see if you can both work out ways to deal with this because it must be causing strain in your relationship

katebl

Thanks again to all that replied...
PhillipP you are right, I have no idea what I want anymore as everyone else's needs seem to come before mine and I literally don't seem to have any time to myself.

Choille you are right I'm not sure if it's all a good idea, however we have been in our current place 3 years and could do with more room. I have worked hard to get my debts manageable - the only thing I pay interest on is my sizeable overdraft, everything else is interest free so I have time on my side for that at least.

Youngie he's not much of a talker - is great at just holding me when I need to cry but if it seems like it's his fault I'm upset he gets a bit indignant and clams up.