wills and ex

chaosweddings

Hi,
we were watching the programme cant take it with you and started talking about dh's will.
at the moment if he dies i get everything, and if die after he does it all goes to my son , his stepson.

now what happens to the money if we all die, will my ds dad my ex get it as he is ds next of kin.

ds dad is a complete waste of space, and if anything ever happened to me and dh i want my mum to look after my son. i know my ex will try to get custody because he will see ££££ signs, but he lives in a house share with 3 other men, moves every 6 months and goes out drinking every night, never paid me a penny towards our son and hardly ever turns up to get his son.

where as my mum has her own house right next to my ds school and i know she would keep the money for ds where is dad will spend it all


so my question is is there a way i can change my will to state what will happen if we both die and who ds will go to live with and who will get our money

thanks in advance

ViolaLass

You can certainly make a will stating where your money should go if you both die. I'm not sure about the rules on saying where your son will live but I would have thought you could do something about it and I'm sure someone will be along soon to advise.

clearingout

you need to consult a solicitor - money can be put in trust for receipt by the child when he reaches whatever age you specify. You would need to nomiate two people to adminster the trust (I have used the solicitors) and essentially, they then look after that money for your child. So, if your ex needed a house to look after your son (which is reasonable), the trustees would let him have the money but they would tie it up in such a way that your son's interests were taken care of - so he would own the house, or a share in the house depending on how much money we're talking about. That way, your ex does indeed get the benefits at some level but the money is still there for your son when he needs it.

I am not sure how things work with your son's dad and residency. I am guessing your can nominate your mum to look after your son but can only assume dad could take the court route. The issue to really consider is your mum's age and whether she would likely be around until your son reached, say, 18 to avoid putting him through the trauma of losing two main carers in his childhood. Again, you need to speak to a solicitor to get the wording right so there are no issues should you die. It's horrible, isn't it?!

clw1

If you both die and you want to leave your money to your son then it should be put into a trust for him until he reaches an age specified in your will (say 18, 21 or 25). You also have to state who are the trustees (i.e. who can spend this money) and so this would be your mum (you may need 2 trustees but a solicitor would confirm this). This would mean that your ex couldn't spend any of your sons money without your mum agreeing to it.

As for who your son would live with - I think you can nominate in your mum in the will but as his dad is still alive I'm not sure if this is allowed.

I'd suggest you go to a solicitor to get it all sorted. It should cost c£250 for advice and 2 wills.

chaosweddings

Thanks for the replies,

my mum is only 51 and has a son (my brother) who is the same age as my son. regarding the dad i dont think he would apply for custody for ds if any thing did happen as his nightly drinking sessions would have to end but i just want to cover myself just in case.

if anything happened to just me my dh would go to court to look after ds.

i think we are worried that if something like a car crash happened and dh and myself died and then ds that my ex being ds next of kin would get all of our money.

is there a way i can put something in the will that states that if all 3 of us die with ds last that someone else can have the money

Catti

1. You can appoint a guardian in your Will for your son, should you die before he is 18. This could be your dh and/or your mum. It confers parental responsibility on that guardian rather than residency. In the unlikely event that your ex tried to get 'custody' the Court would decide this on the usual terms - i.e. what is best for your son. That is likely to be with your dh/mum with whom he has a steady relationship.

2. If all three of you were to die 'together', your Will should nominate who gets your estate - such as your mum or brother. It is unlikely that ex could get it but that would depend on the wording of the Will. Most Wills say that a beneficiary must survive 28 or 30 days to have the right to inherit. If that didn't apply, your son would be deemed to die after you simply because he is younger than you, and could have technically inherited. His dad would in that example be his next of kin.

Mojisola

A well-written will should say something like "all my estate goes to ds as long as he survives me for 30 days". That usually takes care of the problem if you all die in a RTA or plane crash. You can then say where you want your money to go, eg to your mother.

If you all die together, unless it is very clear who died first, it is taken that the eldest died first, then the next in age, and so on. As you have explained the will in your first post, yes, your son would inherit everything and that would all pass to his father as the nearest blood relative.

You really need to sort two things out - a trust so that if you both die, your son's money is safe from his father, and also what happens to your money if all three of you die together.

chaosweddings

Thank-you catti,

ive just made a appointment for monday with a solicitor to re do both of our wills

Mojisola

Catti wrote: »

1. You can appoint a guardian in your Will for your son, should you die before he is 18. This could be your dh and/or your mum. It confers parental responsibility on that guardian rather than residency. In the unlikely event that your ex tried to get 'custody' the Court would decide this on the usual terms - i.e. what is best for your son. That is likely to be with your dh/mum with whom he has a steady relationship.

You cannot give parental responsibility to your OH in your will. You can express a preference for what would happen to your son and you can write a letter which should be kept with the will explaining why you don't think his father would be a suitable person to care for him but it would be for SS and/or the courts to decide exactly what happens. If your son is old enough, his wishes would also be taken into account.

chaosweddings

The main reasons i dont want my son to go to his dad is :

1. when he gets him which is rare he drops him off with his elderly deaf mum to watch him while he goes off drinking and gets up at 2pm and drops him home at 3pm

2. his last 2 relationships were violent with the girlfriend hurling abuse at my son and locking them out of the house in the rain

3. he took something in a club a few years back and now suffers panic attacks

4. he has been done for drink driving twice in 5 years, the 1st was when his gf locked him out of her house so he slept in the car, she rang him to boast she was out clubbing so he drove over to the club and got pulled over and the 2nd time was 6 weeks after he got his licence back, again driving over to see a gf when he was drunk

Catti

Mojisola wrote: »

You cannot give parental responsibility to your OH in your will. You can express a preference for what would happen to your son and you can write a letter which should be kept with the will explaining why you don't think his father would be a suitable person to care for him but it would be for SS and/or the courts to decide exactly what happens. If your son is old enough, his wishes would also be taken into account.

If the OP has a Residence Order than the appointment will take effect on her death. Otherwise it will be delayed until Father dies - again assuming he has parental responsibility. If he does not have PR, then the appointment would take place immediately.

I see of no reason why the Guardian cannot be the OH.