Is this me being a horrible person?

Mingle

Basically, I am a student who lives on her own, 100 miles away from her family. Last semester I had to have an operation away from home on my knee because I damaged all of the soft tissue in the joint. I have had to have this operation twice: firstly before my AS exams and recently before my first year university exams. On both occasions I went to classes and everything. The journey to college was miles away on a bus an a train and I managed every single day. I was on crutches, the same is true for the last operation when I had exams and I was sat with my leg in the air and unable to wear trousers because of swelling. Even now I have trouble with it, but I make it into university even if it means wearing a skirt in the snow. I have never asked for a physio referal because the pain is something that I will have to just live with. The other alternative is an operation where they completely fix the entire knee cap, but the recovery for this is apparently 18 weeks:eek:, and I just don't have that amount of time to spare. I am a 20 year old woman who tolerates this significant pain because I don't feel that I have an alternative.

Recently, my elder sister was diagnosed with the same problem and is calling to have the long recovery operation. Today, my younger sister had a scan and a similar fault was found. Already, she is moaning on facebook about having to go to physio. She is 17, the same age that I had to have the first emergency surgery.

Every day I endure it and my life carries on: I have no-one who can come and look after me and I definitely could not have an operation with such a long recovery. And then it appears that my sisters will happily drop everything.

I feel like a bad person for being annoyed about this, but I just don't understand how I can fight through it, even going to the gym frequently but they feel the need to complain and gripe all the time. Does this make me a bad person?

nickyhutch

sO YOUR SISTERS ARE CHOOSING TO HAVE THE OP, AND YOU'RE NOT, and you think they shouldn't, and should suffer like you appear to be choosing to do? Have I misunderstood?

rachbc

No its doesn't make you are bad person - BUT you have chosen one route to deal with your condition, you sisters have chosen others which is entirely upto them - its not their fault you have chosen not to get a referral to physio or have the operation. Why have you decided not to get physio? Why not get the op and have 18 weeks of recovery over a lifetime of pain?

Mingle

Thanks for the replies.


I've had years of physio for this. I always find that I come back home in more pain than when I set off, which I always feel upset about.

I wish they didn't have to suffer it and I am accepting of the choice they have made. I just wonder why they have to make such a deal about it? They're now (seriously, I hasten to add, not joking) talking about setting up a club and making t-shirts. I want to forget about the pain and carry on with my life. It just seems really counterproductive to make t-shirts and moan on facebook.

I think it's more the mentality about it. I most certainly do not want them to suffer as they are my sisters and I love them dearly, I just find it really odd that they fixate on it and use it as an excuse. Other people have seen it and they think that they are attention seeking.

I never try to think about the pain and try and continue with life, going to the gym etc because it's a distraction and it will strengthen everything up in the long run. They use the knee injury as an excuse not to buy bread from the corner shop, kind of thing.

Sorry if i'm not making myself clear.

Nicki

Mingle wrote: »

I wish they didn't have to suffer it and I am accepting of the choice they have made. I just wonder why they have to make such a deal about it? They're now (seriously, I hasten to add, not joking) talking about setting up a club and making t-shirts. I want to forget about the pain and carry on with my life. It just seems really counterproductive to make t-shirts and moan on facebook.

As opposed to say starting a thread and moaning on MSE?

Mingle

Nicki wrote: »

As opposed to say starting a thread and moaning on MSE?

Ouch,but I see what you mean.


I'm just asking people what they'd do in this kind of instance.

Clearly, i need chillpills.

poet123

Mingle wrote: »

Basically, I am a student who lives on her own, 100 miles away from her family. Last semester I had to have an operation away from home on my knee because I damaged all of the soft tissue in the joint. I have had to have this operation twice: firstly before my AS exams and recently before my first year university exams. On both occasions I went to classes and everything. The journey to college was miles away on a bus an a train and I managed every single day. I was on crutches, the same is true for the last operation when I had exams and I was sat with my leg in the air and unable to wear trousers because of swelling. Even now I have trouble with it, but I make it into university even if it means wearing a skirt in the snow. I have never asked for a physio referal because the pain is something that I will have to just live with. The other alternative is an operation where they completely fix the entire knee cap, but the recovery for this is apparently 18 weeks:eek:, and I just don't have that amount of time to spare. I am a 20 year old woman who tolerates this significant pain because I don't feel that I have an alternative.

Recently, my elder sister was diagnosed with the same problem and is calling to have the long recovery operation. Today, my younger sister had a scan and a similar fault was found. Already, she is moaning on facebook about having to go to physio. She is 17, the same age that I had to have the first emergency surgery.

Every day I endure it and my life carries on: I have no-one who can come and look after me and I definitely could not have an operation with such a long recovery. And then it appears that my sisters will happily drop everything.

I feel like a bad person for being annoyed about this, but I just don't understand how I can fight through it, even going to the gym frequently but they feel the need to complain and gripe all the time. Does this make me a bad person?

To be honest (and you did ask for opinions) it seems that they are coping with this dfferently to you and you think that is wrong. It isn't, just different. They are both recently dagnosed, so why wouldnt they bemoan their fate? how long have you had to come to terms with this?

If you re read your OP you will see someone else bemoaning their fate.....and why shouldnt you? why shouldn't they? it is a lot for all of you to handle, and it seems you are doing it in similar ways only you cant quite see that.

Re the t shirts, sounds like a sisterly solidarity to me, a banding together to mock a common enemy. An injection of humour to help them cope.

Try to see it from that perspective and it may make you feel better.

Mingle

Thanks very much for the responses. It really does help seeing it from other peoples perspectives. You're the best bunch of people I can ask because you have no allegiance to me or my sisters so are totally neutral so give the fairest view.

Your comments really have helped. It's made me see the whole picture now. If that's their method of coping and it works for them, who am I to say anything.


Thanks again!:beer:

poet123

Good luck to you all, it sounds a hard thing to cope with at any age, let alone for a group of such young people.

faithcecilia

As other posters have said, you and your sisters have each been given the option of surgery, and for your own perfectly good reasons, you have decided not to have it. Maybe part of your sisters decisions is that they have seen the pain you have to go through and have decided that would be too much for them?

I totally understand what you say about wanting to get on with your life and ignore your condition. Its different, but my brother and I both have fairly bad asthma. He chooses to use it as an excuse for not exercising, whereas I do a lot of exercise to keep my fit enough to control my asthma. Its the 2 sides of the coin, I think.

Have you thought of asking for a referral to a pain clinic? My mum has found this extremely helpful, it treats the pain and teaches methods of controling the pain, without curing the condition - in her case it is a back problem and the only cure for the pain would be surgery that would definately leave her in a wheelchair the rest of her life.

I wish you all the best.

lessonlearned

Mingle

If not the op then you shouldat least persevere with the physio, you are very young to resign yourself to a lifetime of pain. TBH it will probably only get worse with age (wear and tear).

Join your sisters - go for it and make it a threesome. All for one and all that. If need be, put your studying on hold - just concentrate on getting better.

Don't mean to nag - but your health should come first.