Is this me being a horrible person?

JustBe_2

Hi Mingle,

Have you been offered or tried accupuncture?

I ask this as I had a severely injured shoulder and soft tissue damage due to a car crash,, I waited quite a while for an appointment at the physio but after a few visits and not much progress they tried accupuncture. I`ve started to get some relief and now I have noticed a big improvement.

Sorry that you are in so much pain but commend you for continuing with your studies despite it all.

JustBe

jenniewb

Mingle wrote: »

Basically, I am a student who lives on her own, 100 miles away from her family. Last semester I had to have an operation away from home on my knee because I damaged all of the soft tissue in the joint. I have had to have this operation twice: firstly before my AS exams and recently before my first year university exams. On both occasions I went to classes and everything. The journey to college was miles away on a bus an a train and I managed every single day. I was on crutches, the same is true for the last operation when I had exams and I was sat with my leg in the air and unable to wear trousers because of swelling. Even now I have trouble with it, but I make it into university even if it means wearing a skirt in the snow. I have never asked for a physio referal because the pain is something that I will have to just live with. The other alternative is an operation where they completely fix the entire knee cap, but the recovery for this is apparently 18 weeks:eek:, and I just don't have that amount of time to spare. I am a 20 year old woman who tolerates this significant pain because I don't feel that I have an alternative.

Recently, my elder sister was diagnosed with the same problem and is calling to have the long recovery operation. Today, my younger sister had a scan and a similar fault was found. Already, she is moaning on facebook about having to go to physio. She is 17, the same age that I had to have the first emergency surgery.

Every day I endure it and my life carries on: I have no-one who can come and look after me and I definitely could not have an operation with such a long recovery. And then it appears that my sisters will happily drop everything.

I feel like a bad person for being annoyed about this, but I just don't understand how I can fight through it, even going to the gym frequently but they feel the need to complain and gripe all the time. Does this make me a bad person?

I had a similar thing happen to me, not an injury but just how I chose to live my life.

Every year on my birthday it comes and goes without meaning, its just another day al be it means I have to re-submit the data on my heart rate monitor for exercise purposes as it requires my age.

Last year I was on FB and saw my sister had written words to the effect of "just cried on the school run". About 4 friends asked why and pandered to her having said she had cried. The answer? "this year it looks like I'm spending my birthday by myself".

To me this was a red rag to a bull! I have never as much been remembered on my birthday from her let alone a simple card! So I saw a few of the replies had offered to throw her a big bash and was so irritated- why can't she arrange her own birthday party? is that so hard?

I did write a reply. I think I still would have done the same looking back on it now but basicly her friends turned on me, she sprang nasty comments at me and when I replied she then deleted what I had said- I spoke the truth (she never remembers my birthday and when I was hospitalised or other times I have had seriously bad health she has not so much as sent a text to me) and I think it made her look bad so vain as she is, she deleted my comments. My mum got involved after she went crying to mum and the whole arguement blew up!

I think looking back on it, it works like this: not everyone is the same, we all chose to live our lives in our own ways, we all feel pain in different ways weather its emotional or physical and we all need different things in order to help us get through that pain. For you I'd imagine being able to get on with normality means alot to you, its what motivates you to get you through, maybe you look back and feel proud of the way you dealt with things and got through. Your sister has a different way of getting through things, its not the same as your way and for her it works. She wont act the same way as you do as she has no doubt had different life experiences then you and has learned that for her, different things work.

I'd let sleeping dogs lie unless like me your prepared for hell breaking loose! (I don't think after the way the arguement later turned out I will ever be able to call my sister a 'friend' and have since dropped FB) maybe you need to come to terms with coping if you feel you are not- it is OK to ask for help, and if you feel you don't need help, you need to realise that everyone copes with problems in their own way and there is no right or wrong way. You have chosen to "breathe" through the pain, for whatever reasons close to you, she has not chosen this option. You are two different personalities and live two different lives, the options you chose in life speak volumes about the person/people you are. Maybe this is something to bear in mind if your feeling as irritated by your sister as I am with mine!

Remember- there is no right or wrong way to chose to live your life, just whats right or wrong for you.

podperson

Hi Mingle,
It sounds like you and your sisters are very different people - while some people will just struggle on and manage themselves some people need to get help and attention and struggle to cope on their own. I'm not saying one is better then the other - I'm like you and fall into the first category and while it may seem to me to be better then sometimes I know I take it too far and don't ask for help or support when I could really use it.
I don't want to sound like I'm judging but could you be feeling a little left out that your sisters are getting all this help and support and making their own little 'club' while you feel you have had to cope all on your own. If so then please remember that sometimes if we don't ask then people often just assume we are coping fine and don't realise that we could do with at least a little support.

Mingle

Thanks so much for the replies and kind words, they really do help.

I try to keep it under control with strong painkillers and those microwavable heatsacks ( I know it sounds silly, doesn't it ). I'm accepting of the fact that it won't get better so I just don't want it to drag me down, so I carry on as normal. I've been likened to a big dog on this point- I just don't give up biting and shaking it- again that's just me, I refuse to be beaten on anything. My next step is going to see a sports injury specialist because that's how I keep messing myself up- I did something similar playing badminton (don't laugh )

I'm just going to wait for the air to clear about their joints and not comment because I fear anything I do say to them may be taken the wrong way. I just hope it's the right choice for them. I just feel as if I give a tip, such as use a heat sack or keeping the exercise frequent and low level... or maybe even DOING some exercise, i'll get my head bitten off.

Faithcecilia- I've never heard of pain clinics. I'll mention it to my doctor when I go next- thank you
lessonlearned- i've considered it, but it always seemed like a gamble- it may not sort it right away, and i'll probably need the whole joint replaced age 45 anyways. I worry about dropping out of uni for the op because I have another 2 years for definite, and I would like to get the government bursary for PGCE's, but I worry in case it's cancelled and have to find another £9,000 plus the loss of wages . I shouldn't let practicalities worry me!
JustBe- thank you will they do acupuncture on the NHS?
JennieWB- I'm sorry to hear that I definitely don't want this incident ( if it can even be called that) to end how yours did. This makes me want to let sleeping dogs lie, as you say.
Podperson- I think you may have hit the nail on the head there- because i've moved so far away, I think people don't see the pain and because I CHOSE to move so far away, I feel like I can't ask.


Again, thanks so much. Other neutral opinions help so much, and similar stories let you see a perspective you just don't see yourself!

lessonlearned

Sorry Mingle - didn't realise that the op wasn't exactly guaranteed to be a success, so yes I can understand you hesitating.

I went through something similar with my back - surgeon could only give me a 50% chance of success and that it might even make matters worse. I declined surgery and went for the pain management option. I do physio exercises every day and attend a sports injury clinic from time to time, I find wheat packs helpful too.

Would definitely suggest you ask for a referral to a pain clinic - they can do a lot these days.

Good luck.

Mingle

lessonlearned wrote: »

Sorry Mingle - didn't realise that the op wasn't exactly guaranteed to be a success, so yes I can understand you hesitating.

I went through something similar with my back - surgeon could only give me a 50% chance of success and that it might even make matters worse. I declined surgery and went for the pain management option. I do physio exercises every day and attend a sports injury clinic from time to time, I find wheat packs helpful too.

Would definitely suggest you ask for a referral to a pain clinic - they can do a lot these days.

Good luck.

Thanks- sorry for not being clear.

Wow, that sounds awful. I hope you get yourself sorted, or at the very least better soon

xxx

nappentass

Hi Mingle

Just wanted to add a couple of things -
If you are living in pain you're quite likely to be much more sensitive to others behaviour & attitudes - I know I was especially as being in pain was so tiring.

The other thing is please DO NOT just accept that you have to live with pain and try to keep looking for something that works for you.

I found Bowen Technique at a local Complementary Health Fayre, had a taster treatment and was pain free, a decade later I've qualified as a Bowen Technique Therapist because it resolved my issues after the NHS told me to live in pain. I still have treatment whenever needed.
Events like that are a good way to learn out about other therapies that may help you so keep looking there may well be something out there that works for you.

hth

JustBe_2

Hi Mingle

I`m receving the accupuncture on the NHS the doctor reffered me for physio at my local health centre and the physiotherapist is trained in accupuncture. There are three of them in the practice that do it, I was very surprised and a little sceptical that it would help,,, gotta say though it has really helped with the pain..

JustBe