Husband has left us for the second time and moved abroad - what now?

Ancilla

Last year my husband left us and moved back in with his parents. A couple of months later he said sorry (I'm cutting a very long story short here) and came back.

Now he has accepted a job abroad (EU) and told me that he is leaving for good.

Last time he left I'd barely gotten round to applying for benefits etc before he changed his mind and returned. It was a horrible process and he made my life hell by witholding documents and paperwork and also by messing around over the maintainance money for our three small children.

Having been here before, I'm fine with the emotional side of him leaving. As ever, I'm worried about money.

How on earth do I extract any CSA from him in another country? Does anything exist to help me stake a claim?

Can I claim benefits for rent etc? In the eyes of the law it may look like he has gone away temporarily? He will be coming home to visit the kids (I hope) maybe once a month? There's much arguing about whether he can stay here for two nights a month or whether he has to find somewhere else to sleep while he's here. I can't have him here if it's going to interfere with rent benefit as i don't trust him for whatever the csa say he should pay and i'll end up with no way of paying the rent.

I'm kicking myself for ending up in a worse position than i was in before and being so naive about the finiancial side of things.

Has anyone else had to deal with this sort of thing?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Personally, what I would do now is breathe a sigh of relief and tell him to get himself down a solicitors and notify all tax places of his new address sharpish. Actually, I would probably contact them and let them know on his behalf, just in case he forgets to change his address for some reason. As you are aware, the last thing you need is no benefits because they believe he still lives with you.



Yes, you can claim benefits. Although I see what you mean about him staying, if he has left, then there is no reason why he can't use a hotel or your house for one night a month. I wouldn't have an ex stay with me purely because he would be an ex, not because of anything to do with benefits, but because I would feel like murdering him to have him snoring peacefully under my roof, the one that I was struggling to keep over my children's heads alone.

RAS

Go over to the Child Support sub-forum and check out REMO.

minimoneysaver

Do you really want him under your roof? Think about it carefully. I made that mistake and he went through all my belongings when my back was turned and it all ended in tears when he drank too much one night, made a pass at me and when he was turned down, he hit me. I'd hate to think that someone else could go through the same thing. I let him stay because I thought it would help him to build bridges with his daughter, when in actual fact, he wasn't interested in her one bit.

pupsicola

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I wouldn't have an ex stay with me purely because he would be an ex, not because of anything to do with benefits, but because I would feel like murdering him to have him snoring peacefully under my roof, the one that I was struggling to keep over my children's heads alone.

Spot on. This man is clearing off abroad walking away from all responsibility to raise his kids. You dont trust him to provide for them financially. Yet he expects to stay under your roof when he dains to visit occasionally. Cant put on here what I would be saying to him about that (is too bloody rude).

Do make sure that all the necessary departments are informed of his new address as you dont want that messing up your benefits. Speak to CAB as they are very good at advising what you would be entitled to.

Silver_123

Hi, don't know if this helps, I don't know which country he has gone to, but he can be successfully chased under REMO, contact your local county court and they will support you, it won't cost you anything and I think any other country is a million times more effective than our csa for collecting support. Best of luck - sounds like you are well rid too!