Fostering

Milla_2

Some friends of our have got us thinking about fostering. They say they wish they did it years ago.

We have 2 kids already both under 4. We have talked about having another one but instead now thinking about fostering.

Love to find others who have done it or know a lot about it.

Like to hear all the sides to fostering and what you should really know before you start.

Plans_all_plans

I believe that your youngest child must be at least 2 years older than any child you foster, so you may have trouble if you have 2 kids under 4.

I'd ring your local council's fostering team to check out any other regulations they may have. There should also be a Q&A section on your Council's website, covering things like attitudes to corporal punishment of your own children etc.

74tnemele

I know someone who fosters. They have 2 girls and get 700wk tax free on top of everything else they have coming in.

I know its not the reason but certainly helps.

The thing I wouldn`t like is you may get really close to the child and then the real parents want them back.

Plans_all_plans

...or social services move them on to a different foster home/residential, for whatever reason (which is likely to be a lot more common)

One of the main reasons why I couldn't foster is that you may be well paid, but I'm fairly certain I would get attached to the children and end up wanting to adopt them, which obviously would cost me financially in the long run. I think you have to be fairly sure you can see yourself doing it in a business sense (I'm not implying that foster parents don't show love to the kids they look after BTW)

starry_eyed_4

Each local authority pays different amounts, there are also some charities like Action For Children who employee foster carers.
The money paid is important, some councils don't pay that well and by the time you pay for what the child needs you are not earning a wage.

Look into paid holiday times when your foster child will go into respite, as if you have a difficult time you will need time to recharge your batteries, also things like will you be paid more towards Christmas and birthdays ?
In some cases it can be very difficult to treat the child as you would treat your own on the fostering allowance paid (your local council may pay more than mine so this may not be a problem)

I know of one foster carer who was asked to undertake contact visits and was offered 11 p a mile for petrol :mad:
She did eventually get it raised but had to fight.

Fostering is 24/7 job and requires a lot of training, insurance and basically your whole house,family and life will turn on its head.
It is challenging and frustrating, when it goes wrong it the effect on everyone involved is devasating but when it goes right it is great.

In a lot of cases you will be dealing with quite damaged young people so bare in mind the effect this will have on your relationship with your other half but also your own children.

Having fostered for years my advice would be to leave it until your children are older, if you want to do something to help in mean time or to gain some experience then you could volunteer as a buddy for a child in care, that would give you a good insight into the kind of problems you may come across.

Rebekah24

I would say really do your reading, find out everything you can - contact your local Social Services to get more info

Its a lot of time, work and training. My mum did respite fostering when I was starting High School - we had some very difficult cases and some lovely kids - could be anything from 1 day to regular weekend visits for respite.It was not all a bed of roses... thats for sure!!

She then did some longer term ones, which were hard as we got emotionally attached. However I now have a beautiful baby sister thanks to fostering, she came to us literally with 10 hours notice and 9 years later she is now adopted

I found it hard with the respite and all different kids coming through - some I didnt get on so well with, also at a time of going into teenage years I found privacy etc hard/ more difficult. Obiously yours are little so would be different issues.

Thought would chime in as a kid of parents who foster Hope that is some help! Good Luck

daisydukes79

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I believe that your youngest child must be at least 2 years older than any child you foster, so you may have trouble if you have 2 kids under 4.

.

My parents have fostered for 20 years and have had kids older, the same age as and younger than their own kids

mirrorimage0

it generally works that they recommend a 2 yr gap either side of your own children. but i suppose depending on which agency you chose to go with will depend on how it works, each agency will differ slightly, some will be very strict on some points and others wont. as you have your own children pleae look into an agency that offers great back up supprt for them and you. goodluck.x

alanalea

My parents have fostered for 18 years, specialising in troubled/pregnant teens, crash cases, respite and newborns. They've had kids my own age.

Counting_Pennies_2

All I would say is having a foster child can't be the same as having your own.

For one, they are very unlikely to stay forever, they will need to go to adoptive parents, or back to the parents. You might not agree with the parents they are returned to and could cause a lot of heart ache.

Also a lot of children have gone through a horrid time before they arrive in care, are you set up for the emotional disturbance they might being going through and also the upset that might cause to your children.

If you have older troubled children are you confident of your children's wellbeing.

I only ask these questions, not looking to be negative. I think foster parents are amazing, and my sister is in the process of adopting a little girl and the foster family did an amazing job of caring for her in the months from being taken from her mother and placed in my sister's care.

You do however need to be amazing for these troubled souls, and only take the role on if you are completely sure it is right for your family.

Hardup_Hester

My daughter & her husband foster, they take in siblings so the are not split up, they haven't been doing it very long but so far have had lovely children, the current ones are 4 yr old, 2 yr old & 7 month old, the 2 older ones can barely speak, the baby has a mishapen head from spending too long in a car seat, he has learnt to sit & started to play patacake since he's been with DD. Her local authority will only let people foster children younger than their own.